JM,
What you have written really resonates with me and my experience with transference. When the feelings are intense and I work them through they invariably link to my past. And all of the reasons you discussed for the intense longings ring really true to me. I know I move in and out of the erotic feelings. Most often my feelings are paternal. I think I have longed more to be my Ts daughter or grandaughter then I have longed to be a lover, but all have in common that I want to "belong" to him in some way.

Usually when the erotic feelings are strong, its a sign something difficult is coming. I think I use the fantasy to try and avoid the pain underneath. So I absolutely think you hit the nail on the head when you said the transference needs to become a tool. I can truly say that most of the progress I have made with my current T has taken place by working through transference feelings not concentrating on acting them out.

I know I have really been struggling in the erotic deppartment myself lately, and when I started looking at it, it turned out to be due to some memories getting triggered that contain some very powerful feelings I need to acknowledge and process. At least I know what I'm talking about my next session.

Thanks for taking the time to share this. Transference can be so gonzo confusing as you experience it, and I think this is a very insightful explanation that will help anyone trying to deal with transference. You are a very wise woman and I appreciate your ability to keep pushing through to get at what's underneath and then being brave enough to talk about it here. Thank you.

AG