So, I'm not at a point where I have erotic transference with Tfella, though he's more than a wee bit paternal-feeling to me at the moment, as you might expect. But what really made me go off on my own thoughts in this post was when you said:

quote:

So in come the fantasies (we ) create to feel better about ourselves.

I wondered what it was that I fantasize about this way, and I realize that it's about protecting people. I always end up running through how to defend a particular place (with the particular people in it that live/work there) given various horrible happenings (and yes - you name it, I've made up a little fantasy about how to deal with it, any place that I live/work. Yes. Really. All of them. That too? Yup, that too. :P ). They're like little action-heroine vignettes, some of the time: where I successfully protect people, and myself, generally. Although I flatter myself that they're slightly more realistic and involve substantially more fire escape use than your average action movie.

So when you said:

quote:

Out of habit, I repeat this pattern by fantasizing about something I can’t have with my T, but have always desired in life...

I thought..."I wanted to be safe? To be able to protect people? Oh, yeah, I did. And I never got to be. Huh! That would explain all the... Huh!"

S'fascinating how the stuff that can be used to asplain t-relationships also accounts for so much of the rest of life interactions. I guess that's the point, right?

<----*takes baby steps* Thanks for sharing!