quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:

I think that when we have attachment issues, and we find someone who seems to hold out the promise of providing what is missing (because those needs never go away) it often manifests as a romantic/erotic interest because as adults those are our closest, most supportive relationships. The closet we can come to the boundaryless existence we once had with our mothers. But the truth is, that we're looking for what we didn't have then when we were children. I thought it was really interesting that you're dream started along the lines of a sexual relationship but even in the middle of that you were amazed he could pick you up. But if you were a little girl, he would be able to do that easily. You recognized that the relationship felt wrong because of his saying he had to keep it from his wife and you're saying you wouldn't go to a hotel. When you did kiss him, your reaction was that it really wasn't what you were looking for. But at the end you were with his children, playing with them and he was smiling at you. I think this speaks very strongly of you looking for the security and strong arms of a father who would be there for you, of you wanting to be part of his family.

Wow. AG, what a wonderful interpretation. I burst into tears when I read it. Right on target, thank you!

I was thinking about my "men of transference past" last night and they all embodied something different that I missed in having a loving, involved dad. The professor tended to my intellect; he encouraged me, shared things with me from his discipline, and discussed various books and travel experiences with me. The boss and I were partners in crime, matching wit and making the other laugh in the process. And the doctor, who was at ground zero in the most frightening experience of my life, listened to me, validated me, cares about me, looks out for me, which are the most important things of all I think. He has tried to "will my good."

I'm to see my T today and I plan to discuss that dream with her (and others- my dreams have become very fertile ground lately). I know I miss the influence of a loving dad, I know the one I had abused me, was emotionally unavailable, and just a loser in about every way (there was very little to idolize) and I missed out on a lot. But now that I know that, how do I go forward without falling into the same trap over and over again? That is the key. It is what I need to figure out and hopefully my T can help lead me there.

SprintingGal