I don't think you're $*@(!(#(#!)() stupid. I think you're going through a really rough time and your new Mr. T2 is showing your real kindness. If I were you I'd want to soak up as much of that as I could.
I've been reading a lot about transference and have learned that it can be very healing if managed properly. My transference happened with a female and there's no danger of me going that way so it's a bit harder for me to relate exactly what you're going through but I think the feelings are similar enough that I can try.
I've been having trouble with my husband through the years but this year has been especially bad. I felt like he abandoned me emotionally when I needed him the most. Not only did he abandon me, he put all the blame on me for everything that was going wrong with our lives. I turned to my son's T for support because I wasn't getting it anywhere else and I desperately needed it. She was there for me in ways no one had ever really been, not my parents, not my friends, not my brother or sister. She filled that hole that had been empty for as long as I can remember. So while it didn't really have to do with my husband and and my feelings for him, it did. I am never going to leave him for her, but it has helped me recognize some of what is missing in our relationship. Now that I recognize it, maybe I can do something about it.
Just Me is right, I really hope you can call your T and talk to her about all of this. Sometimes we get so used to living in emotional turmoil, we feel comfortable there, at least we know what to expect.
I didn't want to talk to my new T about my son's T because I knew what she would say, and I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to live in my fantasy world of my son's T becoming my friend and making everything all right, even though that also came with the painful thoughts that it wasn't going to happen and unrequited transference and all that, at least the hope was still alive. I'm not sure if that's why you don't want to talk to Ms. T, or because you are comfortable with the turmoil. Either way I've been there. Like Just Me said, she's offered you the opportunity to reach out, and I think you should do it. Lean on her as much as possible.
It seems like when it rains it pours, doesn't it? After your visit from your mom, I'm not surprised you had to get some much-needed rest.
There's a post going on about having so many things to talk about in therapy that some of us don't even want to go because there's too much to say and not enought time.
quote:Quote from Shrinklady's Titration page
quote:
Some clients arrive at the therapist's office anxious to discuss a long list of topics. If this describes you, I'd encourage you to consider a smaller list.
It's usually far more effective to explore one topic than it is to rush through many. The value of therapy is less in making sure your therapist knows all the details than it is in experiencing parts of your story with your therapist.
I think it fits here as well. You've got a lot going on and concentrating on it all seems so overwhelming. Try to process one issue at a time. (Easier said than done, believe me I know!)
I hope things calm down for you. Keep us posted.
OW