LoS

I can really identify with some of what you are saying. The transference thing is just so confusing and painful to me. Just recently I really bared my all about how I felt about my T. She accepted it very positively and she knows I am totally dependent on her. I thought that would help to get rid of the difficult feelings, and it did for a few days. But then something happened that triggered those feelings again and I am fighting so hard to keep them at bay. I feel like I'm going to have to tell her all of it all over again to give myself some peace. This frightens me.

Your T probably didn't react the way you hoped he would, but don't give up on it. And try not to be embarrassed, even though I know that is an emotion we all have trouble with. He needs to hear what your feelings are about his reaction to you. My T has apologized before when she realized that she did not handle something in a way that made sense to me.

About the significant other - my husband knows that I go to therapy. Sometimes, not often, I tell him some of the things we talk about. But, I have been going 2X's a week for a few months and I have not told him that. One obvious reason is the $, but the other is that I don't think he would understand why. I also could never explain the transference feelings to him. I hardly understand them myself and I feel a little embarrassed that I need her more than I seem to need him at the moment.

I'm sure that you have made some changes in yourself since you started therapy. You may think these are small, but maybe your husband has noticed. You might start out with that conversation and when you feel comfortable, tell him how you have been able to do this. I don't know if this will work for you, just an idea. My best wishes for you on all this.

PL