As one of your aforementioned usual suspects
I just want to say that I understand your fears, your needing attention and thinking that you are losing him or that he is pulling away and that you might be inclined to make something up to hold onto him or to regain what you feel you've lost, is completely understandable to me. When I tell you that IS childish please understand that is completely acceptable and age appropriate with where you are at in therapy. Outside of therapy you are I am just as certain, a responsible, level headed adult taking care of many responsiblities. In therapy we have room to nurture and give voice to our inner child that craves the sort of attention you mention, as well as love and reassurance we need and that's ok. I can't say for sure, but most likely you are projecting your T pulling away when it is likey you doing so as we tend to want to run from danger and getting close to our T's feels dangerous sometimes because trusting and being close to someone in the past often meant danger and getting hurt. So when you hit a speed bump even or should I say especially, in the relationship with your T a very primitive response takes over (in the amygdala)that tells you to run away and we do this w/o even noticing most of the time thinking and believing that it is others who are pulling away from us. This is something my T has painfully tried to pound into my head over the years. The fact that you question it and recognize that it is "possibly you" is actually a very big leap in your awareness of it and progress. So hopefully this normalizs what you are feeling and would make it easier for you to approach your T about anything you feel you need to talk about.
Just so you know I am painfully torn right now with a decision to share something with my T too. So I still experience the painful emotions, the grief, and heartbreak (and very currently mind you) that we feel in this relationship that reflects from so many relationships and experiences in the span of our lifetime and the fear of losing someone so significant that it feels like our life force will just expire. Perhaps you have a better handle on this than I do right now, but I do want you to know that what you are feeling is not uncommon or unique to yourself.
I have a thought about what he said about the way you dress when meeting him. I think of it this way, when you notice a concern about a close friend or someone you care about you are more inclined to feel free to express that to them than you would a stranger or an acquaintence. Your T being willing to broach a typically sensitive subject and bring this to your attention reveals the level of confidence and trust that he feels you have both reached in your relationship. I don't know it is just a thought, but I can also relate to your initial defensiveness. I know I get that way with my T a lot. I don't know why the woman puts up with me, really.
So if you tell your T about being tempted to make things up to get his attention how do you think he's going to react? My guess is he's going to help you get to the source of that temptation and why you feel a need to do that and even help you to accept that part of you and to lessen the need to feel like you have to continue to do that. That sounds like a good place to go to me.
I know that right now this is not getting any easier. But it always proves to be worth it after we unravel and mend those broken areas. There just seems to be a lot broken sometimes, huh?
Hang in there, we'll make it.
JM