Sometimes when I start feeling better and things in my life are going well I start to panic because I'm afraid my T will get bored with me and/or I won't need to see her anymore.

Other times, when the crap is all hitting the fan and I am a royal mess, I wonder if there is anything at all about me or my situation that is particularly interesting or challenging to my T, or am I just another one in a long line of clients that say the same stuff to her over and over again day after day. I guess I want to be special even if being special means that I am the worst case of whatever she has ever seen.

I guess that is what it boils down to: I desperately want to feel like I am interesting, unique and special to my T whether it is for something good or bad. Do I stand out? Does she think of me during the week? It is all an attempt to balance out how special she is to me and how much I think about her. I'm trying to get on even ground with her and diffuse the power differential some. (This whole last paragraph is something I just thought of while writing this post. Thanks Lady and JM for that bit of inspiration!)