Welcome travelluvr. I can totally understand how you feel and how difficult and scary it is to bring up transference with your T. I had transference feelings for my T for around 8 months before I found the courage to talk to him about it. Actually, I was kind of forced to address it because I caught on that he was getting suspicious about my feelings for him. I had written a poem that I read to him that I felt was about my therapy journey but he took it as something more personal/romantic. This caused him to pull away from me and that upset me and I was afraid I ruined the relationship or that he would want to terminate me. And so I decided to confront him about it.

I brought it up by saying that there was an elephant in the room with us and if we don't talk about it then I would have to start bringing peanuts to feed him And my T said he didn't know there was an elephant and I said...he is very quiet but he's been here a long time. Then he said "well tell me about him" and I just said that I had been reading about transference and that I understood there were all different kinds, including negative transference. And I needed to tell him that I had feelings for him that were sometimes parental and sometimes very warm and affectionate (I chickened out on the word LOVE but I think he caught the idea LOL). And it turns out that I actually knew more than he did about erotic transference and I ended up lending him my book In Session by Deborah Lott (which I recommend you read to help you understand more about it). And so we talked about how I wanted to address this because I didn't want my unspoken feelings to cloud our therapy or cause it to breakdown in any way. I also assured him that I could contain my feelings and that I needed him to be my therapist more than I needed him to be anything else in my life and so I had no "agenda" to get him. And this was true. I need him as my T and this also allowed me to tell him how I feel and be honest without sounding like I was ready to seduce him. We talked about transference once or twice after that. Turns out I was his first case of transference and he got defensive because he was unprepared or because he just didn't know how to handle it. He has been pretty good about it since then. What happened is that we realized that aside from the transference feelings...he became my attachment figure and my secure base. I have an unsecure attachment from childhood and somehow because of the care and understanding that he provided me he became the caregiver I never had. So we have been focused more on his role as my secure base more than my transference.

If you are feeling uneasy about just talking about it you could write something down and then just go in and read it to him. Do it immediately when you walk in the door. Tell him you have something to discuss that is very difficult for you and you are afraid and need his help and understanding. The other option is to email him (if this is allowed) and give him a heads up and tell HIM to bring up the topic when you get there.

I wish you the best with this. It takes courage and strength to address this but if your T is a good one he will be able to handle it with kindness and empathy. I do think it's important that you do this soon as you don't have very many session left to process this. Is there any possibility that he could get your insurance company to grant you more sessions?

In any event, we are here to help and support you through this. This is a wonderful place to come for comfort and information. I'm glad that you found it.

True North