I wanted to add my welcome too. My transference involved my son's T who sort of became my T for a while. My son was referred to another T so I wasn't able to see her anymore. I talked with her about transference before and really didn't get a chance to "work through it" before our sessions ended.
I've been trying to work on it with a new T but it's been difficult and not at all the same experience as those who get to work through the transference with the object of that transference, if that makes sense.
I still see my son's T on occasion since she works at my son's school, we go to the same monthly parent support group, and we live in a small town. It is very hard to see her but maybe better than not seeing her at all, ever. I was able to talk to her a couple of weeks after our last session and got out a lot of my feelings. It was a great relief and helped some of the really painful feelings go away.
I've never depended on anyone either so it was quite a surprise when I started depending on her so much. And then when she wasn't there anymore, I really fell hard. I can't remember so many extreme emotions ever in my whole life. Thank God I found this board because I thought I was going crazy.
It is good to know you're not alone, you're not crazy, and there are at least a few people who understand what you're going through.
I grew up in a few different abusive households and what True North said is definitely true for me:
quote:perhaps since you had an abusive childhood then perhaps you also have attachment issues as well as the transference. If our caregivers who were supposed to protect us were the ones harming us it causes a child to develop an unsecure attachment which then causes all types of other problems in adulthood...things like depression, anxiety and the inability to trust and the inability to ask for real help when we need it. Moving toward someone and developing an intimate relationship (which is what happens in therapy) seems dangerous to us and we want to run from it or avoid it by keeping things light.
OW