quote:

Reading more and more about it, I'm really surprised he hasn't discussed it with me. I almost feel angry about it. He could have given me a heads up!

travelluvr

Wouldn't it be nice if we knew what we were getting into BEFORE we entered therapy? Of course if I knew before, I'm sure I would not have had the guts to start. Avoidance is my middle name.

Not everyone experiences transference. That doesn't mean that those of us who do are freaks. It is just the connection that a person makes with their T. And unless someone does experience it, I think they would have a hard time understanding it. If my T had told me that I was going to "fall in love" with her, I would have been on the first train out of there! How could she be so cocky and righteous to think I would have those kind of feelings for her!!! Well, I do. And it has been a rough road to where I am, and a long road to go.

My T waits for me to bring things up. She doesn't pressure me into things that I am not ready for. That's not to say she doesn't help me get a different perspective on things, or think of things in a different way. She gives me LOTS to think about and gently prods me when she can tell I'm just a little too afraid or nervous to go on. But if she had just blurted out this transference thing, YIKES!

Transference is hard, difficult, painful, embarassing......and normal. It has taken me a long time to get to the "normal" realization. "Starting" to tell your T is the hardest part. I told mine that I knew what I wanted to say, but I didn't know how to say it. She gently helped me through it and guess what, she was so happy that I had finally told her. She was more concerned about how I had suffered so long, waiting to get up the courage to tell her. It isn't the information as much as it is the experience. These are feelings and emotions that were not satisfied when you were a child. Talking about them does not make them go away. You have to experience this with someone else, your T, and have him accept you, and not abandon you and validate those feelings.

I would bet anything that he knows exactly where you are at, and he is patiently waiting for you to bring it up. Good luck, I will be cheering you on and waiting to hear how it goes.

PL