I don't know where to start. I see so many crossfires and angles but I can't be certain I have the full disclosure on this. I mean I hear what you are saying about not having this sort of relationship with your T and I can go two ways:
1)Your T is very good at holding back and allowing you to project everything onto him and thereby force you to see and speak to your needs. OR
2) He is not attuned to you and perhaps you need to find a different T who will respond the way you need him/her to. It doesn't always work on the first try.
You need to feel heard.
I hear you still battering a lot of self blame and that tells me you're not done with therapy and
1) Your T knows that too and he is waiting for you to see the need yourself, because you're not going to beleive him that you need therapy. So he may have seemd to coldly let you walk away, but sometimes that is the quickest way to get someone's attention. OR
2) He is not attuned to you.
And maybe he didn't say "Have a nice life" because he knew you'd be back when you were ready. OR....
(I think you get the picture)
As for referring anyone you know to your T...while it is a fabulous gesture to recommend your T I have one rule for myslef because of the feelings you aptly descibed as did someone else a little while ago....
...... I don't share my T with anyone!!!! Not my husband, not my children, not my friends, and certainly NOT my FOO!
AJB,You are not a crazy person, but I understand the feeling that way. And if you are "needy" doesn't that mean you NEED something? You need to get your needs met.
Keep venting though! We need that sometimes.
quote:i am acting like such a cry baby today i know. and i AM crying, believe me. it hurts so much! i don't even know what hurts!! something just does.
Following the staements you made previously I understand why you are crying, but I think your next statement hits the nail head on...
quote:a collegue of mine saw him today (per my suggestion) and i am so freaking jealous and upset!!!
She has what you want.
(((AJB)))JM