AJB.. I hear you and I feel your pain. Like JM wisely said... I don't think you are really finished with therapy. Did you and your T have "termination" sessions which made sure you were prepared to terminate and in a good place? Or did you just spring it on him and say today is my last session? Most T's won't ask you to stay because I think it's a conflict of interest. One could say they are doing it to just keep your business. Oh, I have threatened not to return and then I do and my T says "so glad you decided to return" but he will never tell me I need to continue or to ask me to please not end therapy because of this or that....

I do think you still have work to do and you need to see your therapist. You are telling us this in your posts. And to have a need is not a terrible thing. It's human nature. And you probably did not have your needs met as a child and feel ashamed of having them now. But please don't feel that way. My T is trying to get me to acknowledge my needs and to learn to ASK for what I need without feeling guilty and awful and like I'm bothering him. I'm starting to ask but I still feel guilty about it. I'm a work in progress for sure.

About not returning your phone call. Are you sure you made it clear that he needed to call you back? Sometimes they just assume (wrongly) that we called just to say something. One time my T did not answer an email I sent him asking if we were okay and looking for reassurance. 4 days went by with no response. He happened to call me to move my appt time and I fell apart on the phone telling him that I was sure he hated me because he did not answer the email and now he was moving my appointment. He felt awful about it and told me he thought my email was more "rhetorical" and I was not looking for a response. So I said... please just answer it. He did with the most wonderful email I ever got and I still hold onto for reassurance when I need it. So perhaps the unreturned phone call was just an honest error.

Oh and attachment??? My T never mentioned this either for a good reason... he had no idea about attachment theory. It is not his area and we are learning about it together. I brought the topic up and we are exploring it jointly...he had no idea I had attachment issues but is sure explained a lot of what I was feeling. About transference... I brought that up too and we talked about it but not too deeply because I was terrified at the time that he would either terminate me or it would change or ruin our relationship. With the passage of time I see it hasn't. I brought it up again this week and we will explore it further down the line.

I guess what I'm saying is that therapy is truly a collaborative effort. You have to be open with him and tell him your feelings and if you learn something outside of therapy then bring it to him and ask his opinion of it. If he does not bring something up it does not mean that he is not vested in your healing... he just does not know everything.

AJB I feel your pain and I'm so sorry you are hurting. I do think you should call him and tell him how you are feeling. People return to therapy all the time. It does not mean you are a failure or anythiing... it just means you were not done yet. It's okay. Really.

Call him.

Hugs... TN