I told him. OMG was that scary. I was a mess. I was so nervous I was shaking and my hands were sweating. I tried about 5 times and he knew I was trying to say something. At one point I even said 'guess'. He said he had NO idea,.
So, I just said that I am feeling concerned about our sessions ending soon, and that I have a strong emotional attachment to him, and I admitted that I think about him sometimes maternally, like if its storming out and I know he's driving home (lives in another city) and how sometimes I feel like a 2 yr old and I want to cling on to him for dear life.
At that point he started to talk.
He said he understands. He understands that sometimes I would feel like I'm 2, 8, 12 or 18 years old.
It was an awkward moment, I kept my head down, face in hands. He said he was OK with it, and he agrees that we have developed a strong emotional bond, and he was glad I told him.
I did make a flip comment like
"you provide a service and hardly expect you to really give a shit about what goes on in my life" (which of course was my way of seeking approval)
but he took the hook, and he said that he did in fact care, and he is often worried about me, AND..the best part...is that when my sessions end he is willing to see me free of charge, that the association expects them to do SOME pro-bono work.
SO...I feel like 20 pounds has been lifted off of me. I didn't say 80% of what I wanted to say, but its out there now. And he was SO good.
Of course I wanted to hug him or such, but he is very clear with those boundaries.
He's off to Florida with the fam next week, so I have 2 weeks until I see him again, and I can't wait.
Thanks EVERYONE for so many good tips. It helped. Its going to be a long journey.
xo