I'm just sick...

I have been shaken to the core re: Dr. X and his prior behavior towards me that seemed out of context and slightly inappropriate. I always discounted it because I needed a man that I could trust in my corner after having been traumatized by a male doctor I was supposed to have been able to trust to take care of me. I can't trust Dr. X, either...I'm nauseated, I don't trust myself now as far as being a good judgment of character and I've been using his "concern" for me as a source of strength and I can no longer do that. His "concern" was motivated by sex, not a human concern for me.

I read "Sex in the Forbidden Zone" and it perfectly describes what has been happening between Dr. X and I, the "grooming" behavior.

Meanwhile, the investigation into the doctor who traumatized me is now closed and he was found to not have been negligent and not to have violated standard of care. I'm sick over that, too, even though it was the outcome I expected.

This triggered my PTSD; I nearly elbowed a grocery store clerk in the face the other night when she came up close behind me unexpectedly, plus, whenever someone would come near me, my heart would race and I would feel threatened. Then I had a panic attack at work for no obvious reason.

I'm a mess.