That is helpful to know that I don't have to do it all at one. I really want to be able to go in there and be honest about everything this one time and never have to deal with it again, but I realize that will not be the case. He already knows I am attracted to him and that I cant stop thinking about him because of the stuff I have wrote. So I feel like he deserves for me to be a little more honest than that, I just dont know how honest I can be or that it is okay to be. It seems to me that it is a little inappropriate to tell some of the stuff I think about. There has been times that he has asked me what I am thinking about in the middle of therapy and it kind of catches me off guard because I dont know if it is okay to say "I was just thinking about having sex with you." Is that really an okay thing to tell him? Its even harder when I get scared because I was really just staring at him in a way I shouldnt, I dont know if he realized that or not.

I know I probably shouldnt be friends with his daughters on facebook, but the truth is that they are both my age or a year or so difference and I have 43 mutual friends with both of them because we grew up in the same town together. I was even really good friends with the guy his daughter just broke up with, but the daughter has no idea. I never talk to her, I just sometimes check her page out to see if she mentions her dad in any posts or puts up any new pictures of him. She only has a couple up of him but it always him with his kids which makes me sad and jealous because he is living his life without me and because his kids get to do all these great things with him that I will never get to do.

I also like to check up on his ex wives just to make sure that they are not getting close again, cause I dont want him to get remarried. I know we could never be together or even have a friendship, but I prefer to think that he is not going to get married again or even dating anyone. I dont even like to hear him talk to his friends I like to think that he is at his house by himself all the time when he is not at work just waiting for me to call and bug him. I know its not really like that but thats what I try to imagine.