So I had my second talk of transference with my P and it did not go so well. He said I didnt better the first time. But as soon as I got in there he said "how are you?" good I answered. "anything new?" I said no. SO his next response was "transference, lets talk about it, you start." I had not idea what to say. I didnt know what he wanted me to say. I said "I dont know." Which was not a good enough answer and we barely ended up talking about it. He did some talking and after I couldnt talk about it we ended the session. It would have been easier if he would have asked questions and just let me answer them. Cause I really didnt know what he wanted me to say when he says to just start talking. Does he really want me to be honest about what I was thinking? Cause that would have been really weird to tell him that I was thinking about having sex with him instead of having to talk to him about this stuff.

I left the session feeling like I completely screwed up and that I am never going to be able to do this. I want to talk to him so bad right now. I cant stop thinking about him. I know part of not talking comes from the fact that I never tell anyone how I feel about anything in person, I dont know how to talk about feelings when I am sitting there with someone. I can write it down but thats it. And we are at the part that he wants more talking than just writing cause he knows everything from the things I write.

I really want to work on the transference but I feel like I failed and should just give up on it. And to make it even worse, he told me to come back in a month and the front office lady set the appointment up for in 6 weeks. And that is making me freak out at the thought that I wont see him for six weeks and that I am suppose to try to deal with the transference on my own for the next six weeks on my own. And knowing this makes the transference worse and I feel like I need to see him or talk to him and I dont know what to do. I am thinking about just giving up on it all.