Hi Wynne,

Please allow me to tell you about the abuse and violence that I DID’NT suffer: And I will repeat your warning; this is for mature audiences only:


By the time I was born my oldest brother was already well into drug abuse and rebellion and pulled a knife on my parents when I was a toddler sleeping only feet away. (He was later diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder among other things.)

By the time I was four we moved to a house adjoined to a party store which my parents owned. This was not in the worst neighborhood, but yet not the greatest either. I was subject to being awakened in the middle of the night to break in and robbery attempts that it became necessary for my family to designate a safe place to meet in case of a threatening emergency. I didn’t know this was not your typical childhood mind you. This was normal for me. One night in particular (I was about 6 years old) my older sister and I were awakened by my other brother (who was babysitting us while minding the store) because a gang fight had broke out across the street and he feared it may drift into our store because it was very violent. BTW: My parents were away for the evening playing cards and drinking. My brother startled us out of bed and right at that moment someone barged into our house screaming “He’s got an ax, he’s got an ax, hide me he is trying to kill me!” and he stowed himself in my closet. At that my brother took us to our apartment next door for cover. Just as he closed the door behind us I watched through the window one man chasing another man through my backyard with what appeared to be that ax as I watched him raise the ax over the other man’s head I fainted from fear. (The ultimate freeze response) But I didn’t REALLY see it plunge into the man’s head. Trauma or not?

We moved from this home when I was 8 ½ to a house in the country where one would think they’d find safety. (But not for long.) Almost immediately my older sister became pregnant at a very young age and married an abusive, violent, heroine addict who threatened not only her but the whole family for a period of 7-8 years. He graphically described how he would murder each of us and sent us mutilated pictures of our family as we endured threatening letters and phone calls until he finally landed in jail for armed robbery when I was 15 years old. Meanwhile and after my sister had divorced him, he kidnapped my niece when she was only a year old. When he finally contacted us he insisted that if we ever wanted to see her alive again that my sister meet him alone. My sister did and we spent several hours not knowing if we’d see either of them alive again. But he finally did return them unharmed. Does that mean it wasn’t a trauma?

This is just a quick synopsis of SOME of my experiences, but the point I want to make is that I learned to minimize all that I went through. I was even told that many children have it worse than I do and I should be thankful. So I adopted the belief and ability to minimize my traumas. A few weeks ago I was triggered with all that was on the news regarding Jennifer Hudson’s family tragedy. I felt the gut wrenching fear, I felt the pain and anguish, but I found I was telling myself that I didn’t have it that bad. My family was never murdered. My T nearly had a melt down when I muttered those words in her office.
The reality is that my brain played out every single threat my ex-brother-in-law made as if it was really carried out, and yet I sit there and say I should not call this trauma. Is it trauma? What would you say to me Wynne? Would you minimize what I experienced because it could have been worse? I know that you wouldn’t. My family was murdered in my mind every night. And I haven’t even mentioned the sexual and physical abuse yet, which I also learned to minimize…because many children have it so much worse. –remember?

I don’t mean to be sarcastic, but I am still struggling with admitting that my childhood sucked the big one! You helped me to see the denial I was swimming in. I am returning the favor. It was a terrible childhood. I should not have had to endure so much violence and threatening situations that I did. My family, my primary care takers, my mommy and daddy refused to provide necessary protection that was owed to me and I suffer from complex PTSD…because I never suffered trauma?

I think minimizing is a belated flee response we make because we do not know how else to cope with it. But through therapy we are given tools to learn how to cope the right way, and first and foremost it is in admitting and identifying our traumas.

I don’t believe it is because you don’t want to, but your brain is just having a hard time comprehending something different than its been told all this time.

I hope this does not sound harsh, I mean it with the most compassion for you. And I can guess that you will minimize what you have suffered in comparison. I certainly hope that you don’t.

JM