Finally heard back on my appointment time. When I think of going in there, I have very self-destructive reactions. The only way I can imagine feeling safe is hiding in the tiny corner space between the couch and its adjoining chair and building some sort of wall at the opening so he can't see I'm there at all. (((TN))) it's so hard to believe it can be ok...how do I ever look at him again without fear of either his loathing or his interest? I could barely look at him as it was...

Just hating me right now.