Meant to respond last night because I totally relate to your fears. I sat back to think about what I would say and got stuck. I did feel like this with my old therapist, even with non- sexual issues like body image. Mine had a bit of a different twist because of my T's personality but I understand why it feels so threatening. My therapist was non responsive when he was uncomfortable talking about a topic and given his difficulty with love and attachment and my love and attachment, I felt the reverse in that I worried that he thought I was bringing topics up to give him a sexual thrill. With my new therapist who doesn't have the issues thank god that my old therapist did, I can discuss all this stuff and it is such a relief.
Sex etc is such a loaded topic that it would seem almost more odd not to feel awkward discussing it with a member of the opposite sex and/or not worry about some like of reaction.
It seems healthy to be afraid to talk about it for a lot of reasons but especially when you are starting to feel like you own your body after a history of abuse. Never having had anyone who respected your boundaries, it's easy to see why the fear that they might get a thrill out of discussing uour abuse. I have hidden my sexuality behind my weight because of my fear that I won't be able to protect myself. I am not some sexy thing even when thin but I think that fear comes with having been abused that I (we) are just an object on earth for mans gratification.
My new therapist and I have just started to discuss body image stuff. I thought I would feel so ashamed but she was so incredibly professional that my fears evaporated quickly. Your therapist is a good one and I believe you will have a similar experience. On the other hand, if you feel you will be hit by a shame storm afterwards, maybe you should put the conversation on hold for a while but I do believe your therapist will be as gentle and professional and wonderful as ever.
