Been awhile since I've been here, but just read your post and I can totally relate. First of you are very brave to take this step and it will (takes time of course) lead to relief and free up some shame.
The first person I ever shared my CSA with was my old T. I had horrible anxiety about it for months before I started talking about it. She was a female T and my fear (I think our fears of talking about it are related to the actual experience itself) in telling her was that she would find me toxic and not want to be around me anymore b/c it was too horrible for anyone to hear...like they shouldn't have to hear it. Unfortunatley, things ended badly. But my new T is a Godsend. In sharing with her, I have learned that my fears are based on what actually happened with females in my life and how they dealt with me during times of abuse.
Sorry to jack the thread, just wanted to share with you that no, you are not alone in your reaction and fear and feelings all surrounding this topic...you are taking the RIGHT step to get healthy. Hugs of support...
