He didn't read it. It's long, so I understand. I couldn't talk half the session. I wouldn't have been able to talk regardless. I could barely think straight from lack of air and swarming thoughts, so most my talking was unproductive. I did manage to indicate I was kind of scared of him, but more like him as a representation of half the species. We did a lot of talking but could not get to what I needed to be safe going forward. As a result, I think I may have just quit. I texted when I got home that I'm not sure I can come anymore. If I think about showing Friday or thereafter, I start hyperventilating like I did an hour straight in session. I think I might have gone as far as I can go. But my functioning isn't good enough to be off disability, probably, and I'm sure they'll required me to be in some ort of active treatment, so I'm trapped. I made decisions to be safe, but it's really hard having stuff in your head when you love your kids so much and are literally a human life support system for one of them. I started apologizing to them in my head during my session...and it made me cry, because I do love them and I don't want to let them down..I just don't think I can go anymore. Nothing there feels safe, not because of who the T is, but because of who I am. I can't acknowledge this stuff and learn to be close to others. I just cannot. I hope he won't be mad or think I'm trying to punish him for having to end. It has nothing to do with anything other than sheer terror that is simply too much to bear. And also some other stuff I can't mention, just bad ideas. I hope he will understand. I hope I don't let everyone down.