Hi Yaku,

I hope you're hanging in there okay. I think writing down what you did was a huge moment in processing what happened to you and how you've been affected. What happened and how you were affected aren't the same as what you are - what you are is a loving, kind, pure heart and spirit. There's no monster here, just a lot of hurt and pain. But I suspect that having taken the huge and important and healthy step of disclosing/owning history to your T and to yourself, you really need him, the person who knows you so well, to be there reflecting back to you who you really are, which is someone who is loved and deserves to be loved. I think it's really super important that he reads what you wrote, and is able to give you what you have identified that you need: to know that you are safe with him, and you cannot make him bad.

I'm hoping that you can hang in there and keep communicating with him about this until you have what you need here (what anyone would need in this situation). This transaction is only halfway there - it didn't go as planned, but I'm guessing if you stay with it, although it is so very painful, there is every chance that much needed relief will come.

Having said that, I know you are carrying a little one and how exhausting that can be - I understand needing to retreat, too. You don't need to protect him, but if you need to protect yourself, there will still be time and ways to move forward with this when you have some restored energy.