quote:

I think, in the end, I might be avoiding one of the most "toxic" things to me, and that is my own anger. I can't really direct it at anyone, but it wasn't safe to have, so usually I get destructive if I have any at all, even if it's not toward another person. And I have these strong blips of rage at what was stolen from me...the ability to develop normally and experience that area of my life the way I was meant to, and how it has deprived or defrauded my H, and other people in my life I should have known how to protect. I don't want things the way they are but I'm stuck with them. And then I get rageful (in an at-the-universe sort of way). But I have nowhere to go with it, so it just makes me want to tear myself apart or abandon myself by quitting.