quote:Just knowing my T was becoming important to me freaked me out.
indeed! 7 months ago when i suddenly bailed (i DID show up for a termination session, though!) he KNEW it was for the reason i just quoted and he even SAID so, in so many words! only he used the 'c' word
damn him!!! he's always 10 miles ahead of me and he knows it, but he patiently waits as i struggle to catch up. this is our relationship metaphor: he has alot of experience with horses and mules (i'm sure he'd tell you that i fall into the later category). i picture him with a machete, clearing the way, just cruising along, knowing what he's doing and where he's going, and i'm stuck behind, scratching my head thinking "wtf is he doing and where is he going and why doesn't he wait for me?" but he does wait ... it' just that he seems so intent on what he's doing that i sometimes wonder what his agenda is, and does he even know i don't have an agenda? ugh. it's all just very confusing and mind-f*cky.anyway, i got off the beaten path, so to speak.
quote:learning about it helped me to understand my legitimate need to depend on the stronger, wiser other to finish developing
AG, thank you for that! it's so hard for me to know what i need, and there are threads on this topic of "what do i need?", but i still really struggle with it. your quote above, to me, is really raw and i needed to hear that. this will take me a long time to absorb, but thank you SO much for sharing this.
quote:it could only be done by allowing myself to move closer to my T and depend on him.
oh. really?
gawd! i'm a mess!!!quote:He was my home and my sense of safety and my sense of worth while I learned what those things are. I am very blessed in that he recognized my need for dependence in healing and held clear boundaries so it did not become pathological.
that's what i think T is offering me, and my response is to run away. you are very blessed, indeed, AG, and even more blessed because you know you are. thanks for giving so many examples of dependency in therapy. i needed 'em. i got lots to noodle over.