Hi Ninn,

My heart just hurt reading your post. I could just feel the pain if my T said that to me. I am so sorry. You took a huge risk and showed tremendous courage to bring up the subject of dependence.

I am struggling with being dependent on my T, or anyone really. I'm reading a book right now called Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud. He talks about the first most crucial and important step to healing is the ability to bond. His definition of bonding is being able to become vulnerable and needy and having our needs met. If we have not bonded and had our needs met, he says that separateness and having boundaries feels like hell.

He says, "There must be internal bonding for one to be ale to establish boundaries. Without it, boundaries as they were meant to be cannot exist. It is limits without love, and that is hell."

My T2 said dependency is needing outside validation and every human needs it. She said especially for those of us whose value, worth, feelings, and thoughts were invalidated as children, the more dependent we need to be in therapy in order to heal. She said until we can internalize our worth validated by our Ts, it is impossible for us to validate our own needs and take care of ourselves.

I am so sorry you felt pushed away and alone when you needed her to embrace your vulnerability.

By the way, it's not dumb to think your T reads your posts. I fear that every day. Most of the time when I delete my posts its because I'm afraid my T will read it. Totally understand your fear.


PassionFruit