Hi all... as you know I've been grappling with integrating my child part right now in therapy. I felt that T was pushing me too hard and we had a bit of a disruption over it. I got scared and pulled away from him or actually felt that I lost our connection. It was better on Thursday and we talked about taking it more slowly and how to best approach this part of therapy.

I reminded T that he told me that there are no resistant patients, only T's who have not yet figured out a way to approach things so as to accomplish what is needed. He smiled and said I was correct it was his responsibility to figure this out. So he asked what I would need from him. What could he do for me to make this easier or less painful. He knows it will be painful and difficult but would like ease this as much as he can for me.

I'm not sure what I need or how to ask him. Asking for anything is not easy for me and I don't have a lot of practice with it. It almost feels that I first need to solve the issue that asking for something opens me to being hurt and being vulnerable to him or anyone. If I don't need anyone and can handle it all alone (as I have for years) then I feel as if I'm protecting myself from any further harm. Does anyone else feel like this?

He did spend some time with me on Thursday talking about how he feels protective of me and how we have accomplished so much together, even the seemingly impossible things. He told me that there is nothing we cannot face and handle together.

I have been thinking of some of the things that do concern me...

Would you be able to do work like this in 45 minute segments and then immediately return to work to a demanding job requiring interaction with other people? Should I request some longer sessions?

Would it be helpful to have a darkenend office?

Could I ask him to hold my hand again?

Would it help to sit on the floor?

Should I bring some type of comforting item with me to hold onto... a blanket, a stuffed animal, etc.??

Do I tell him everything at once (in my usual reporter mode) and then go back to process it or do we take teeny steps of one fact at a time? What if mini-me won't talk to him or make herself known? What would I need to help this along?

How do we handle me if I fall into more severe dissociative episodes (it has been getting worse lately) or with no defenses I am unable to function in my real life?

Anything anyone can offer from experience would be helpful. What should I think about asking for or putting into place to help me get through this difficult phase?

I know some of you already shared some of your own experiences in my other thread and I thank you all for that info.

Hugs
TN