GreenEyes, thank you for your thoughts. They were helpful. I do see my T twice a week as it does help contain me. We do a lot of work (usually) on Monday and by Thursday we are containing and doing additional processing. And I do have access to him out of session via email and telephone which is priceless in doing this type of work.

I will have to give some thought to how to manage some extra time between session and returning to work. It's hard to plan ahead of time because what if I don't need it? What if I cannot access anything and I'm feeling fine? I would love to have at least some night time sessions where I could go home or even just sit somewhere private until I'm back to real life... but my T only does a few of those later sessions and I'm sure his long-time clients who cannot get there during the day have a hold on those appointment times.

Monte, thank you so much for that description of how you have been handling this work with your T. There is a lot of good information there. I also find it hard (so far) to access anything deep for at least the first 15-20 minutes.... I have done some emotional work with him pretty quickly into the session but those instances were where the issues/trauma were very close to the surface and I was hardly able to contain it. This is part of my fear which needs to be discussed with T... that I will finally get to what I need to and bang... time is up and go back to work while things are still hanging out. I have had this happen more than once and I have fallen apart at work and had to call T or even to make up and excuse to leave work. But I cannot do that often as my job is shaky and I report to 4 people and have to cover phones for ten. It's such a production.

I like the idea of the questions. I also agree that writing could help as well as low lights and knowing what will happen and what to expect during this work. At this point I think T and I need to discuss and negotiate around the process before we actually talk about stuff.

As for touch and sitting close by... I plan to tell T tomorrow that I am struggling with wanting him near and finding that comforting while at the same time being so scared of his nearness. It's like I desperately want it and fear it at the exact same time. I am pretty sure he would hold my hand as he keeps bringing up how I asked (or how child asked) to hold his hand before going into the hospital earlier this month. He had no problem with doing that and seemed entirely comfortable with it. So I think we need to talk about it further.

Thank you all for the information, ideas and responses. I will take these things into discussion with my T. I'll keep you posted and I wish all 3 of you strength and courage to keep on with this very hard work.

TN