Tagged With "Hoop.la"
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Re: Advice-giving in therapy
You know what Jill I think I’m going to join your minority group. I’m not so sure I want outright advice from a T (as in telling me what to do) but I certainly want a whole lot more in the way of guidance and direction (BB just as you are talking about). At the least I need to know that a T has a pretty good overall idea of where I want to get to and how to help me get there - and that means explaining to me the sorts of things they think I could be doing in order to get there, not this...
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Re: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide
Thank you so much, you guys. There is some powerful insight in what you have written here, and I really badly needed that. Yes, Jones, it probably is just as simple as saying exactly what I'm feeling in the moment...about what he says. The good sessions we have had worked out that way, and there was so much healing and empowerment in that...why doesn't it feel safe, anymore to do that, I wonder. He just doesn't feel safe to do that with anymore. And yes, Jones, I thought of that, too , that...
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Re: Dialectical Behavior Therapy
and please, don't bother trying to help me here. i don't WANT help. jill (a la 'stuck at four' fame!)
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Re: Dialectical Behavior Therapy
made a scene, called her up and left a message for her to call me, told her that i sense that she does not like me, listed the reasons, the lights she leaves on despite my request in two appointments that they bother me (i feel she should know that and be considerate to that and that i wouldn't have to ask each time), that when i replied a hasty comment (one for your side...i know that was not nice, it just came out and obviously showed how i felt, i apologized and tried to explain it away...
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Re: T
STRM, I am not too sure when my old T will be back, I just know she will be at some point which is why I am wondering if I am just making the situation far more complicated by involving someone else on an emotional level. I think I could have handled it if I didn’t have to give so much of myself each time. Thank you for sharing the similarities or should I say non similarities with your T’s …bet that must be weird two of them having the same name. Puppet I’m sorry that your new T is so...
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Re: A-Z of movies
LOL you want a fossil film, try this one for 'u' Umbrellas of Cherbourg (and I didn't cheat, much, I've actually seen it!) Draggers how do you remember all those quotes? About the only one I can recall is from the Blues Brother about sunglasses hamburgers and being on a mission from God. Oh yeah, and hasta la vista baby.
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Re: Do they care?
Hi All and welcome to the forums GrannySmith32! I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents to the discussion. First off I don't think it's crazy or immature that people are struggling with this. For people with attachment injuries, it's often true that the first time we depended on someone caring for us, when it was a life and death matter, it was a failure. Our needs were not met, there was no attunement and not really anyone there to depend on. And at times we had to do terrible things and deny our...
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Re: .
Hi Koi! Welcome to the boards. We have many smart intuitive and sensitive people here. In most situations, someone will be able to relate to your plight. I never really thought about the small talk, but you are so right. In my t's other office, the therapy room and the waiting room were connected- open the door and wa-la therapy room, but now it is down a hall, and I think around a corner, and I did notice the small talk thing. So much more uncomfortable at the end of the session, wow.
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Re: do you ever feel that 'getting well' means ignoring your issues?
oh jill my heart goes out to you. I too feel sometimes feel like a ticking time bomb about to explode at any minute... but I have to tell you, it will get better... it will... YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! really. You are hurting and have had a lot of crap to deal with! Other people? crazy? well... there are a few really awful people on this planet. And a lot of arrogant jerks. I do think you are right that no human being has it all figured out... not really. Some pretend they do, but really, we are...
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Re: Parenting question... or when children trigger you...
Dear incognito, I am not the one you seek probably, as i dont even have children. Yet, i really wanted to come out and say that, from what you wrote about your daughter and how you handeled the conversation,- I SEE CLEARLY A GREAT CARING MOTHER!The way you "met" and answered your daughter was only good. I think; (and i read it somewhere) -The best thing a mother can offor teir children, is to love their father and their children. And no sadness can take that love away. I am willing to bet,...
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Re: How Will I Survive the Holidays?
(((((TN))))) I can completely sympathise, the holidays are a totally miserable time fo year, where we are forced to put on a hppy face and pretend like we are jolly, yuck. It would be ok, if you didn't have to be so damn cheerful for your kids, eh? that's the part that hurts the most. What if I screw up the holidays for my kids? ohhhh, weirdo triggers for me... Deck the halls with bottles of prozac, fa,la,la,la,la... ugh. I'm not being very encouraging, am I? ohhh, I'm sorry TN. It's just I...
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Re: regarding private messages!
From the link at the bottom of the forum, "Privacy Statement". I bolded where complaints can be filed since this has never been addressed. I could care less about the spam.... PRIVACY STATEMENT Your privacy is important to us. Protecting its readers' and members' privacy is a particularly important responsibility for a web site that facilitates and encourages disclosure of private experiences. It would be impossible for us to earn their trust and demonstrate our credibility if we were not...
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Re: GOOD MORNING VIETNAM
Starfishy, BG is at soccer I think and I'm home and bored so I will post what Wikipedia says about Jose Cuervo: Didn't know you were such a big fan of Ben and Jerry's. You will have to come over and visit the factory in Vermont. It's fun and delicious. Hmmmm, interesting that you know what Ben and Jerry's is but not Jose Cuervo. We know what you are spending your time doing. LOL!
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Re: Resources for Teens?
I second what AG said. Alateen is a great resource for kids and teens. They also have a lot of different literature, that while he may not be able to get to meetings, he could have the literature around. I know you're in California Yaku, and while I don't know where, I do know that Los Angeles has an incredibly large and very active recovery community. I was in LA one summer for about 5 weeks, and easily found multiple meetings to attend at literally every time of the day, every day of the...
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Re: *Updated* Update and a question about what you talk about in therapy
Hello again and thank you SO much for all the support and for thinking of me. I can’t begin to say how much it means to me and how it really helped me with the rubbish state I managed to get myself into. Hugs to you (((((( TN ))))))), (((((( Incognito )))))) and (((((( Beebs )))))) – and hugs too to DF and xoxo for your previous support – you guys kept me grounded in reality while my mind was deciding to spin off into la-la land. I feel a lot better today (going out shopping for the day...
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Re: Today was a good Day :)
kmay soooo glad you are feeling better and that you have coped so well over the past weeks. That shows real growth. My day is good because I am not at work and am home attending a fascinating webinar by John Briere who is an author, speaker, and well known traumatologist who works out the Keck School in LA. He is a fab speaker, so smart and insightful speaking about complex trauma. I'm on a break now so have to get back. Hugs TN
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la
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do you ever feel that 'getting well' means ignoring your issues?
seems lately i get up in the morning and i have a decision to make... one, to push 'my issues' to the back of my mind and focus on getting my housework, bible study, therapy (in a detached sort of way), lunch/coffee with friends, whatever...and proceed like normal, at least what was normal before i started therapy. or, two, to think, ponder, ruminate, read, pray, hope, cry, banter back in forth in my head the possibilities, and just dog-paddle through the day, hoping that one of these...
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how many t's let YOU see the clock, too???
a la lady grey's fun topics, this one is a real pet peeve of mine... i HATE it when a t doesn't have a clock for you to easily see. and when THEY have one that you see them, discreetly, checking. if I were a t, i would be so egalitarian, and this would be a definite MUST. why make it any more one sided than it already is!!! for me? t1, just he could see clock, t3 actually had several in the office, all over the flipping place. dbt gal, only her, i every now and then would angrily look behind...
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Finally the right T for me?
Well writing this post has turned out a lot harder than I imagined. Easy enough for me to moan about bad Ts but when it comes to describing a good T - I seem to have a mental block. Following on from the shitty rejection by psychoT (as in other thread) I ended up seeing a new T who has turned out to be the type of T that I’ve been looking for all my life! Her approach is integrative psychotherapy and she has experience of dealing with abuse, trauma and DID (none of which really apply to me.)...
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Hypnotherapy
At the stage of my 30 something years in therapy, the closer we got to core feelings of rage and fear the more brain found it necessary for me to distract. She made sure most of my session time was taken up by my today issues. I remembered those issues as not being important enough to warrant a full session, but off brain went on her multiple tangents that had nothing to do with therapy. T was a wake up to brains avoidant tactics and suggested I try hypnotherapy as a way to focus my thoughts...
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Re: Update on Transference
Hi guys, I'm just popping in to say how much I am enjoying your discussion. It's reminding me of my horror story...from the other side of the consultation room...a therapist's worst nightmare happened a few months back--I doubled booked myself and I didn't discover it until I opened the door of the waiting room. It was totally my fault. Thankfully, I was forgiven. I'm off to LA for the weekend. I'm learning about Internet marketing...I'm learning how to promote therapy as a good idea...a bit...
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Re: Update on Transference
Shrinklady, It was strangely reassuring to hear that you did that, although I really do feel for you. That would be an extremely awkward and delicate situation. Thanks for telling us about it. Hope you enjoy LA and thanks for giving us a place to post. Connecting here really helps. AG
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Re: erotic transference
Wow, so much to say in response to this thread! HB, I totally agree with this. I don't think the erotic transference is totally about this but I know it was part of it with me. Especially in the beginning, I felt like I needed my T so badly and needing someone so much was such a dangerous, threatening place for me to be because my father has so abused and exploited that power imbalance when I was a child. If my T was my lover than he would NEED something from me and then I would have power...
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Re: Asking for advice and comments please?
Strummergirl, and Jones you have helped me SO much you have no idea. It really really matters to me that you both know what I’m talking about. Now that I have some sense that what I’m talking about is not garbage and la la land fantasy I do think I can hold my ground with this T tomorrow - if it’s ok with you can I paraphrase some of what you’ve both said in your posts? You know what the frustrating thing is, that I HAVE said all this stuff, not just once but several times in varying forms...
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Re: Wanting a dad (updated)
Hi Jones, Oooooh...you hit the mother-lode of nerves with that question, Jones. And it is a tricky one to answer specifically because of the way we "dance". THIS is why I want a couples T familiar with how attachment theory plays out in adult relationships. Let me explain. One of the biggest reasons I want couples therapy is so that my husband will learn how to form opinions independent of mine, instead of (apparently) basing them on mine all the time. He is a champion people-pleaser, a...
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Re: T on vacation, I can't cope
I hope you're hanging in there Debbye! I know it isn't easy. My T and I have vacations scheduled back to back - she's gone for a week, then I am gone for three weeks. Yes, I'm freaking out about the separation, even though it's a month away Anyway, I found a few articles that gave me a little clarity on Therapist Vacations, and helped put things in perspective a little. It doesn't make it any easier during the separation, but at least it was a good distraction for a little while! Therapist...
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Re: .
For clothes I would suggest: Old Navy White House Black Market Macys Banana Republic For baking goods: Any Wilton product at JoAnn's or Michael's N.Y. Cake (locations in NY and LA)
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Re: .
Hi Poppet, I should have made that a bit clearer about being out of my comfort zone! No it's not because she would get to see the 'real me' - she sees enough of that as it is It would be more a case of me experiencing a completely different way of viewing life and living life. For example; if I was thinking of trip to LA I'd be planning it for weeks in advance; but last year T decided one weekend that she'd just go, and by the middle of the next week she was there!! Whereas I'm cautious by...
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Re: How does journaling help?
Hi TK, I truly cannot imagine my life and healing journey without journaling. While I have seen ebbs and flows at times (with less journaling per se), it has been absolutely crucial for me to process not only what is going on in session, but what comes up between times. I also love the idea of the journal for li'l one. One suggestion I'd like to offer is the whole idea of dialoguing. In fact, I am personally going to do that today. It helps give voice to all of you--in your case, adult you...
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Re: Last Post Is the Winner
You do sort of get that impression Draggers, don't you? A good dollop of laughter always helps I reckon, but this area of the boards has gained a peculiarly European flavour of late. Maybe we ARE all barmy after Oh well; c'est la vie, and all that....
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Re: Last Post Is the Winner
(((((Pf)))) You relax your shoulders awhile. This one is just for you.... A lovestruck Romeo sings the streets a serenade Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made Finds a streetlight steps out of the shade Says something like you and me babe how about it? Juliet says hey it's Romeo, you nearly gimme me a heart attack He's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back You shouldn't come around here singing up at people like that Anyway what you gonna do about it?
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Re: Last Post Is the Winner
Now that could be fun, coming up with what we know in a foreign language. How about La plume de ma tante se trouve sous le lit.
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Re: Ending is going to be a tad harder than I thought
Thank you all for the support, it really helps to be able to deal with this. This has proven to be a tough week and I've been working through a lot and doing a lot of grieving but last night I had a bit of breakthrough. Which built on the one I had Wednesday night. Did I mention it was a tough week? Wednesday evening I got hit with a lot of intense emotions and grief after everyone else in my family had gone to bed. I sat there, wrapped in the blanket from my Ts office and cried for over an...
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Re: Neglect
BeeBee there is one more thing I want to add, a feeling or idea that I've been struggling to express, because I have a feeling it is very important. Whether it actually is or not I don't know. But I will try. It is the idea that the consequences of neglect and abuse are twofold. The first consequences are the injuries themselves, which are terrible in their own right. But the second and more insidious consequence is that these injuries are perfectly self-reinforcing. The overall message of...
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Re: termination session...advice??
LL, you may need therapy, but, you sure seem sound to me!! you crack me up, i have been holding onto my sides reading this...i know, ya gotta laugh at it, coz crying all the time about it just gets downright dull!! your quoteL 'Something about her must have really gotten to me, but for the life of me I can’t place it and don’t understand it, some kind of emotional pull of which I was completely unaware and still don’t get why I have these sad feelings about her when 99% of me knows totally...
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Re: ***
And in the interest of not letting the issue vanish in the face of a thorough discussion... I just wanted to say that I've been really fighting the impulse to delete everything I have ever written on here (although that would take quite awhile) and vanish...mainly because of this irrational fear that my T is reading, and it would somehow destroy my therapy if he was. So, I am going to stand up to the boogyman and say something I find very scary, in spite of the irrational nature of my...
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Re: Overwhelming Grief (UPDATED)
I didn't want to let this thread drop away without acknowledgeing all the wonderful, meaningful support and replies I received. I have not been focused enough lately to respond to my own topic and mostly because sometimes the pain is just too strong and I need to take a break or I'll go under. Mayo thank you for your kindness and I do know on some cognitive level that my old T was out of his depth with regard to trauma but I felt that since the relationship in therapy is so important that we...
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Re: T didnt handle it...or?
Deepfried: Thanks for replying so quickly, - i know you have much experience with this, ( am sorry btw you have). You seem to tackle this very good with your T`s though- and it makes sense that their reaction is "stabile" sinse you talk about this often... I have only spoken about this sh-things a fiew times, for months ago with T. Id like to answer this -very interesting queston/observation btw) The SH incident was related to some confusion last week regarding your T, right? If so, has your...
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Re: T didnt handle it...or?
Dear LL and Mac, i am thankful for your different view on this. And Mac- i am very glad you chose to share your experience with me. it all makes sense, and your T seem to have found his way to help you in best possible way, by focusing on your feelings, rather then blaming your actions. It makes sense. I guess its reassures and valid my first repond (anger, and more shamful feelings) at T`s reaction in the beginning- a la first poster.- That i should have expected him to be more...
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Re: Alone over the holiday/Christmas season?
HAPPY BIRTDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY STARFISHYYY, HERE COMES SOME MORE MUSIC (i made the song myself!)!! ............. ... ............ ... ............ ... ............ ................. .......... .. ............. ................. .......... ... ............. ................. .......... .. ............. ................. .......... .. ............. ................. ......... .. ............. ................... ........ .. .............. .................. .......... ... ..............
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Re: advise on how to start a REALLY awkward session...
df, you are right. once, recently, she asked something like 'what would it look like to see compassion and empathy'. i really didn't have a good answer. i don't want a hug, or tears. i guess, just encouragement a la 'jill, you have dealt with some really tough things in your life, and yet, you LOOK and SEEM so ok, i know you crash sometimes, but, you have a right to. never being loved as a child, by anyone, never hearing 'i love you' as a child, not to mention how alone you felt in having to...
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Re: favorite caring things to do for yourself?
feeling the warmth of the sun on my body, a warm breeze. being outside. quiet time. falling into a great book. of course, mani/pedi. eating cereal. a warm bed with flannel sheets. comfy clothes. NEW clothes. candles. art. one day, i will paint. music, any kind, Christian, rock, classical, dance hall reggae a la shaggy, prayer, letting myself cry, alone. singing, a romp in the hay (!), chips and dip, a warm bath with bubbles, a silky underthing, cashmere next to my skin, a massage,...
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Re: EMDR, self-beliefs, cognitive dissolving
jones, that sounds interesting though. maybe it is just stiff at first. but, seems t is going for the feelings associated with it, and break through that wall of intellect. i think that is where it is at, for this preverbal stuff. sometimes i can tap into it, and sometimes not. but, i try to remember when i do, and what triggers it. for example, sunday night i cried for an hour, deep, panicky sobbing. the thought that kept crossing my mind is how i have NEVER had ANYONE help me. emotionally,...
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Re: Back for some 'advice'
So I made an appointment with a new T for this coming Wednesday. I then see my regular T on Friday. I'm really freaking out about all of this!! I have no idea what to say to the new T, like what to ask her about, what kinds of questions I need answered to decide whether or not she's a T I'd like to actually stay with. I don't know how to ask her what she thinks about my current situation with my T. How do you put it all out there in an hour? I could spend days talking about the issues I have...
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Re: Happy Valentine's Day
Happy Valentine’s Day to you all! Huge hugs to everyone who’s struggling with this day WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU WOULD BE TRIGGERD BY A HAPPY VALENTIENES DAY STORY I’m so happy, I’m totally in la-la land right now. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner and then when we got back to his house he said he had a surprise for me and got out his guitar. He played me an acoustic version of Teenage Dream by Katy Perry and changed most of the lyrics except the chorus. It was so perfect in every way!
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Re: .
I feel this way. Like a waste. I've had teachers and mentors insist I could be a great writer/poet. T thinks I should publish a book or would make a great T myself. I know I'm only 30 and could do a lot of things, but it seems so selfish to focus on myself when I have a family and scary to have ambitions and fail. Perhaps that is why my goals have always centered around other people and I never chose to become a writer, even though I desperately wanted to. I still can't see my way around...
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Re: .
uv, yep, i know. if only we woulda known then....i so much understand all that you are saying, and the depth of this awakening. i've been kavetching myself about it a bit. the left brain versus right brain...i know we have spoken about the painting, but y'no what i did?? i bought some paint and have been painting... now, i am no van gogh, even though i share his quest for sanity, but, it IS satisfying. maybe it was somtehing about our generation. ...the "BUSINESS' world held some kind of...