Tagged With "from T"
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Re: So lost
Hi SD ~ Welcome , A year ago I was where you are . Same sort of symptoms; Difficulties at work (work was actually the catalyst), relationship issues to the point of a seperation being suggested by my partner, I was extremely moody, had anxiety attacks, and severe depressive behaviors (crying, confused, sleeping, self loathing). It took me a couple of months before I woke up one mornign and said what you have "I want to be ME again", so I went to the dr. She did some bloodwork/tests to rule...
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Re: Rejected
Rachel Did he give you any reason other than that HE didn't think you needed to come anymore? I wasn't there or anything but it really sounds like it is about him. And he certainly could have given you a better explanation. He could have owned up to his side of it. Have ever seen a T before seeing him? Have you tried to see anyone else? You may need some help with getting beyond this.
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Re: Rejected
Rachel, I can't imagine how painful this must have been for you. I think sometimes therapists underestimate the power they have in our lives. I agree with Jo, that it sounds like it was about him, not about you, but it's probably difficult for you to see that right now, or that he might have thought that you were sending him the message that you thought you were done. IMO, he didn't handle it correctly in either case. You deserve more than this. I hope that you are able to take care of...
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Re: Trouble in Therapy
It's always the first time that's the hardest. Think about learning a new skill. The first time you try to make it to the goal, it takes FOREVER. There are many trials and errors; many stops and starts. You have to be persistent. Then, you make it! You tell yourself, I can do it again. So, you try again. This time, there are still a lot of trials and errors and stops and starts, but you make it again. The next time, there are fewer trials and errors and stops and starts. Soon, you can make...
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Re: Trouble in Therapy
Hi, HBShadow. Don' give up! I know how hard it seems. You are not alone. I truly think my mind is going to explode with the obsessive thoughts about my T, therapy etc sometimes. Those thoughts, though, they are there because there is something that is working in therapy. It hurts, it is hard, but it sounds like you really do have a connection there. Catgirl is so right. You have started to experience that trust. You have gotten past the biggest, hardest hurdle of not trusting at all. You...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
Y'all know how to make a girl feel loved! I'm really sorry for the disappearing act, I've really felt bad about it, especially considering how consistently I have been supported and encouraged here. It was a combo of a full release at work, my oldest daughter graduating from HS (her graduation party is on Sat and we're expecting 50 people) and doing some VERY deep grieving work in therapy. I just turned incredibly inward and between trying to handle therapy and my life, there wasn't much...
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Re: Rejected
I also second the idea of talking to him even if it is only once or seeing someone else if that seems easier. I think it is very hard to know what your T is thinking if you don't ask. Maybe he thought you weren't interested in continuing because of your reserve or the fact you asked how often you should come. When I had been seeing my T for about 3 months, we had a conversation about whether it was helping and if I should quit (I didn't want to but I thought he wanted me to) and at one point...
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Re: EMDR?
Hey Jo, I've never done EMDR, but my T wants to do it with me. So far, I've said No, because it has these series of steps and I get all weird when I have to do something a certain way. I get all rebellious and don't want to do it. Plus, I think that I would just laugh when she's doing the little tick tick thing, or whatever (I don't know if you've read enough about it to know what I'm talking about.). Plus, therapy is working for me as it is. She says EMDR would speed up the process. I'm not...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi Yeah I had that fear too about having to terminate sooner than I wanted to because of emdr. I know what you mean about being rebellious against structured things too. I have researched it and even did it once with my old T. It went well. But that's the thing now I see a new T and I don't konw her that well and I am skeptical etc. I didn't laugh about it really. Well yeah I guess I did laugh at first. She taps my hands which is better than some of the alternatives. I am afraid of what I...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi Jo, I've never had EMDR but it really wasn't that widely used when I was working through a lot of the trauma. But I've heard really good things about it. There's a website by a therapist Robin Shapiro who does a LOT of EMDR work (she's written a text book for therapists on the technique) and there's a lot of good information on her website, the link is below. Trauma and Attachment Therapy There's a lot of good info on her site but I really love her because it's on her website that I found...
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Re: EMDR?
I have yet to introduce myself but I want to say that I really appreciate reading the interaction on this site. Trauma therapy is an arduous and lonely process and I need the support right now more than ever. I have used EMDR with my T on a few occasions and found it amazing. I prefer she tap on my knees with my eyes closed than to follow her finger with my eyes open; the visual technique is too distracting for me. I would like to try an auditory option but have not addressed that with her...
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Re: EMDR?
Welcome to the site, deeplyrooted. So, has your T used EMDR to uncover things that you might not remember? My T wants to use it to work through feelings of past events. Does your T use it for that, too? In what way do you mean that EMDR was amazing?
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
TN, BTW, I know how you feel with the coughing/bronchitis thing. I recently had pneumonia. It's so energy-consuming to be sick. My T always reminds me that we have plenty of time, and to know that it will be okay, that we will work through my stuff. So, that's what I want to remind you of right now. Right now, you need to focus on regaining your energy. The other stuff will come in its own time. catgirl
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Re: Checking in after a long break
HI RUUUUSSSSSS!!!!! It's so good to hear from you... I've been wondering how you've been doing! I'm sorry to hear that you are still having bouts of awfulness... but you do seem to understand it a little better these days, and I think that is definitely a good thing! Your latest dream sounds like a good sign to me... I wonder what your t will say? I'm really glad you've stuck with this process Russ, I know it's been hard. You are working really diligently and it will pay off for you... that...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ...glad to see a post from you but sorry to hear that your inner critic is so loud and intrusive these days. I have one too and am trying to find a way to either ignore it or fight back or at least understand what triggers it. I found a website that I thought was very interesting written by Pete Walker. You can google him. He wrote an article about the inner critic with some helpful strategies on dealing with it. I plan to print it out and discuss it with my T. You dream sounds like a...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, Thanks for checking in, I've been worried about you (I know I have my nerve considering how long I've been missing!). I get the inner critic as I had a very strong one myself. I've done some reading and the theory is that we internalize the negative stuff we pick up and criticize ourselves in an effort to keep us safe. If we yell at ourselves then maybe we'll not cross that invisible line and get in trouble again. Part of healing is learning that all of the criticism wasn't true in...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
hey CT, TN, AG and everybody. Thanks so much for all the replies. One thing is clear; that part of me - the harsh inner critic - is extremely strong. My T feels that despite it's hateful, sadistic voice, it is there to tell me something. It's not there just to be hateful and sadistic just because it can. He said that setting up a confrontational relationship with it isn't doing me any good. I think this is true since just telling that part of me to shut the hell up doesn't really do...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hey Russ! Sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I just had a thought about this. My T suggests that I just tell that part of me, "I hear you. I know that you're there." When I genuinely do this, without feeling angry at the voice for being there, I often move into sadness. This tells me that the voice is defending my sadness, so by doing this, I peel off a layer of the onion. She says the first step is just acknowledgement. Anyway, just a thought. Good to see you again! cat
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Re: Checking in after a long break
I would like to second CG's thought here! I have a similar experience when trying to get through the anger and negativity. I think I've said in on here before, but this is what my t said to me once (and I'm definitely paraphrasing): Think about it like this. What does a young child do when he's angry? He strikes out with the most hurtful thing he can think of: I HATE YOU! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE! YOU'RE STUPID! I'M NEVER GONNA TALK TO YOU AGAIN! But when young child is that...
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Re: EMDR?
I am new here, but wanted to comment upon my experience with EMDR. My T used it to rid me of a pervasive nagging image of something that kept surfacing unbidden. When it did, it was upsetting and brought the whole incident back to mind ike it was yeaterday. One session and the memory is still faintly there but it is as if it was laid to rest in my mind. Very spooky! I would avail myself of the process anytime.
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Re: EMDR?
Hey butterfly! I am not sure. I think you used to post here? Or did you change your ID? Anyway I think I remember you and am glad you are here. Good to see you too AG! I meant to comment in the thread where I asked about you but times have been rough and though I have looked in on this board I mostly didn't feel I could respond to ayone. I had a rough couple of weeks. EMDR My new T tried it with me but I think I didn't know her well enough and she zeroed in on one of the most stressful...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi you all, this is a great topic. I'd also be glad to read something about EMDR by Robin...that'd be cool. When I first shut down and stopped working they gave me ECT treatments. It was only 8 weeks into my depression and they gave me 24 in a row. It fried my memory and I feel grateful to still have enough brain power to function. I wondered if I'd be able to do school but seems that I can. I would never recommend it. I fought against my clients having ECT and lost... I have had some EMDR...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi All I know this topic isn't really about ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) but I just wanted to give my own personal opinion / experience on this topic. I've had ECT. It was a last resort (both times) in my case and thankfully it worked to get me out of the rock bottom state I was in. The first time I had ECT I was suffering from severe postnatal depression and spent 16 weeks in a Mother-Baby Unit. I didn't want to hold my newborn child (whom my husband & I had desperately wanted and...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi Flicka, Just my two cents' worth...with all the stuff I've read on transference (message boards, websites, books, etc.) I've had the growing impression that not everyone means exactly the same thing when they use that word. In fact, a few sessions ago, I finally asked my T for his definition because we'd been using the word for a while, but never directly defined it. He said a few things, but what was most useful for me going forward was to look at it as the feelings I'm having about my...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
I completely flubbed up when trying to identify some of my feelings as transference recently (it was projection) and so my T explained what his understanding of the term is. He said that transference is when you have feelings directed at someone because they remind you of someone else in some fashion, and your feelings are unwarranted. So, by his definition, the vast majority of my feelings towards him are not transference. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I agree that not everyone...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi, I didn't read the thread you're referring to but here's one thing I've learned about transference so far; I think you can have it and not even realise it. For example, there have been times where I was so furious with my therapist that I wanted to tell him to go F himself and never see him again because he said something that hurt me. It took a while to see that the hurt feelings - triggered by my T - were really kind of a referred pain from an original hurt from my father...or my...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG, I've read about the love-hate flip-flop and I've never really experienced it the way I've read about it. I don't so much hate my T as worry that he isn't the person I thought he was. I have definitely experienced getting very angry and/or upset with him on numerous occasions when he didn't do anything wrong. The first time I ever told him I was angry at him was because he canceled a couples appt at the last minute (8:30 AM for a 5:30 PM) and I just assumed that it was some kind of...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG... first I wanted to say hi and welcome because I don't think we have chatted yet. I haven't been around lately because I've been doing some seriously heavy therapy and had no energy to post. I did want to say that i've been reading your posts and I can see that you are working very hard in your therapy and that you have good insight. I have a very good ability to assign hateful thoughts to my T. He commented just today how good I am at deciding for him what he is thinking . Today I...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Okay, folks, this is a huge post, processing what you said. So I’ll start out by saying THANK YOU for your responses. It is so encouraging and helps so much to sort out what is going on, so I have some hope of discussing this with my T and making some sense. I never would have stayed in therapy to this point without you. Thank you!!! AG, Thank you, AG! This is what I was trying to say. You said it perfectly. But then I go even further and imagine the creep he might actually be. And I get...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Again first off I have to say thanks SG and AG for sharing your thoughts. While I don't think I have had hate feeling as such towards my T...he did mention to me a few sessions ago how he noticed I had been angry with him for a while. Part of me was shocked as I hadn't said anything along those lines to him and felt bad that he got this impression of me as I'm so crazy about him. But he was right. I was annoyed that he didn't save me and rescue me from the hurt and pain that I was feeling. I...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
SG, I know that can feel really weird and kind of scary, but that's the Ts job, not to take it personally. I can remember apologizing to my T for being so suspicious of him when he had never given me any reason to be, in fact, quite the opposite. He, very gently, kept telling me that he understood, based on my experiences, why I would be so suspicious and need so much reassurance, that he didn't take it personally. There was one time (and trust me, I still flinch when I remember saying it)...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi AG, Thanks for everything you said. I very much appreciate you sharing your experiences in therapy. I definitely have the feeling of “waiting for him to hurt me” and knowing that this will “end badly”. I admire you for being strong enough to stick with it and tell him about it. And I admire your T for handling it so well. I haven’t talked much to my T yet about the legacy of incest in my family. There was overt incest in both my father and mother’s families of origin. My mother’s family...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Dear Strummer Girl, Yes, I think it is possible to like your T too much, so that you just can't move forward, even though they are keeping the boundries. I think that is what is happening to me--I find myself trying to say all the "right' things and not really letting the real me show through--warts and all. This happened with my previous T, and I think I stopped growing when I realized that I idealized her. She kept good boundries, so it was not her fault. I told her that I never expected...
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Re: EMDR?
I have done EMDR work with my T. I have found it very effective in getting past the "logical" side of me and into my "emotional" side. My T uses a light bar, and I follow the lights as they light up back and forth with my eyes. Usually, she lets me determine the length of the set in response to whatever question she has posed for me to try to get an answer to. Then we discuss whatever images, thoughts, or feelings have come up. We have also used it as a relaxation technique when I have come...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi Everyone- I have tried EMDR on 2 occasions without much success. Eventhough I was excited about trying it to uncover some past stuff that I had very little memory of, EMDR did not work so well with me. Part of the preliminary process is to find a safe place. This was my stumbling block. My T said EMDR is not for everyone.
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Re: Effexor
Hi all....slightly off topic post but just wondering if any of you have had any experience with Lexapro? I was prescribed it 3 months ago (10mg) dose. I've come to the end of the course now and after discussing it with my T he recommended going up a dosage for now. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Though my T does seem to be quite wary of giving anti-D's the ok so I think he's not taking the decision lightly.
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Re: EMDR?
Hi, and thanks for this topic. I appreciate everyones comments. I am truly learning a lot. I tried EMDR after researching it quite extensively, but when it came right down to working it, I could not find a safe place- which is one of the preliminary steps. My T and I tried it a few months later, but It did not work for me, and I did laugh a little. I just think it scared me too much. I really like the idea of it though. It seemed as if it would help me uncover some forgotten- repressed ugly...
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Re: Stormy Piano Player
Hi, I thought the Stormy Piano Player was a pretty cool movie clip...so I ordered the movie and had 6 people over for pizza last night and we watched it. My family has a piano business and my grandfather, father and my brother were/are piano tuners....pianos and piano playing makes me feel comfortable and at home. We had an eventful evening because my TV bit the dust just as we got the movie going. We had to stop it and one friend and i ran to Walmart where I bought a new flat screen TV...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi, S, Some times you just have to force yourself to do some things like: go to a park and take a walk ( keeping your safety in mind of course), sit and watch the animals; like squirrels, they are quite entertaining. Just do anything to get your mind off of it. I know it is damaging to me to dwell on this kind of stuff. I'm sure it is probably the same with you. Read a book; I keep a bunch of trashy romance novels around. Maybe you need to talk to another T to get you over this with her.
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S, Welcome to the forums! You've come to a good place to get info on your problem, there are a number of people dealing with the issue, myself included. Sorry about the delay in replying, lots going on with a getting triggered by my first going off to college. Since the subject of erotic transference has been widely discussed on this site, I'm going to point you to few links I found helpful on other sites, good topics to read on the forum, and a couple of book suggestions. That's not to...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S, Do you mind if I go one more round with you on this? I am in no way trying to denigrate or minimize your feelings and the pain you're in. I have experienced exactly what you're talking about and understand the depth of despair and crippling pain you're talking about. BUT I have also been experiencing working through that pain and alleviating it, so I wanted to just share a few things with you from my experience in case they might help you. Part of what makes this so difficult is that...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S. Like a lot of threads on here I have been reading and paying close attention to your issues but have not had a chance and sometimes the right words to post a reply. I am so sorry for your pain. By what you describe I don't think what I feel is as bad but I think that is because I never really got to address the transference feelings. They were mentioned but never discussed. Like I said before, it was referred to as dependency rather than transference, almost like it was something more...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S and welcome to the Board. You are not ranting you are in pain and for that I'm sorry. I've been there and I still am there at times. I just wanted to comment on something. You say if your T really loved you the boundary BS would be irrelevant. But it is precisely because your T cares for you that she is keeping and holding those boundaries. This is her way of putting YOU first and keeping you safe enough to do what you need to do in therapy. It's actually quite unselfish caring on her...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
AG, TN, Summer, S, What a hard thread to read! I can hardly stand the thoughts in my head and the torrent of emotions they stir. I can understand the rational for transference therapy but my heart feels deeply betrayed. Death is more inviting than to imagine anyone thinking I have some unconscious longing or desire for my therapist! I wish I had the words to explain how strongly I feel about this possibility. I did not sign up for this! I was not told by my T that the therapeutic...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
AG wrote: Earlier, I read how we are unable to think clearly while we are reacting emotionally. My last post is certainly embarrassing evidence of that truth. I am less emotional now and, hopefully, thinking more clearly. What I am learning from that outburst is how deeply afraid I am to face the truth of what is emerging from my repressed and/or dissociated memories. I am at least equally afraid that my T will leave me (physically or emotionally) to face those memories alone. I have no hard...
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Re: insight
Hi emogirl. I can only try to imagine what 8 years of a relationship mixed up with transference feelings is like. I had 6 months of it and I'm still reeling from the shock of things finishing. The real positive in this (i'm sure it's hard for you to see one right now) is that you said that you're T handled your revelation gentle and professionally. Once your T has strong boundaries and handles the transference well then hopefully you can now work on this transference and stop it from...
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Re: Have you ever sued your Therapist?
I suppose you can contact the institution that is is training with and complain. If there is something serious going on then maybe it will be better if he never becomes a therapist. My T is also in training. I think he might have completed his training already but doesn't have a licence yet. But I'm very happy with my therapy. I love him, but he respects boundaries. I'm in therapy for 6 months only so far, and he never made me feel that there could something else going on then just my...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
I just found this thread today. I know it isn't that old, but it was still before I joined the forum. I am so increasingly overwhelmed with this love-hate battle towards my T in my mind that I don't think I can articulate it right now. But I just wanted to thank those who have posted their experiences on this thread because you have described it better than I ever could, and it helps knowing I am not the only one -- that maybe I am not going to disintegrate and maybe I am not becoming...
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Re: Difference between transference and distraction
Hi Halo, I have an answer for you but I'm not sure you're going to like it. The only way to really figure it out is to talk to your T about it and about your feelings for him. It was in talking to my T about my feelings for him which covered a large range: love, anger, longing to be his daughter, erotic desire, wanting to be taken care of, wanting to be held, wanting to run away, being jealous, feeling abandoned, you get my drift. By going to my therapist and being able to discuss the...
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Re: Difference between transference and distraction
Hi AG, I have spent a year telling him all of this. Unfortunately he isn't able to help me with it. We usually end up with him being out of his depth and breaking boundaries and me trying so hard to leave but cannot leave because I am so attached. I know I have to see my new P because he is going to be able to cope with me and my problems and my t just cannot. I have always been upfront and honest about how I am feeling even when he can't cope with me. The pain just does not ever go away...