Tagged With "Child Protection"
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S. Like a lot of threads on here I have been reading and paying close attention to your issues but have not had a chance and sometimes the right words to post a reply. I am so sorry for your pain. By what you describe I don't think what I feel is as bad but I think that is because I never really got to address the transference feelings. They were mentioned but never discussed. Like I said before, it was referred to as dependency rather than transference, almost like it was something more...
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Re: into the breach
Hi Jones, I'm sorry for what you're going through, I know just how painful and confusing it can be. First of all, let me say that SG's response was very insightful and I agree with everything she said to you, especially about trusting yourself. The thing that makes healing from these kinds of injuries are that the injuries themselves make it difficult to do what we need to do to get better. When you did not have good attunement or a caring other (or even more so were actively abused) you...
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Re: I made a huge mistake
Hi mlc - I'm so sorry that you're here in this situation - it must feel awful. Sometimes I keep things from my husband because I have such a strong sense of how the little part of him will be hurt, and it's a horrible feeling. I know deep down that keeping things from him doesn't really protect him, though. And I also know that when I do stuff that sucks, that would hurt him, it's because the little part in me has had enough and is upset and acting out. So big hug for your little part. You...
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Re: into the breach
Oh, AG... if you weren't so evidently wonderful I'd look for a way to discount what you are saying here. As it is I want to get through these limitations and end up with as much to share as you have - you are a great inspiration, curse it all. The fear is so insidious in that for me it comes encased in so much comfortable habit, and a certain resourcefulness that allows me to survive without going where I'm afraid of. I think we all have this resourcefulness, to our fear's delight. But...
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Re: A new dilemma
MTF, unless your T has been living in the Google Opt-Out Village the last few years, she is well aware of the privacy concerns of facebook and all the stuff one can find on the internet about a person. There are even special seminars/conferences for shrinks to learn how to protect their privacy. Most likely, it sounds like she has come to a place of acceptance about what she can and cannot control in regards to privacy. She can keep her own facebook account private, and ask her family to do...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Hi Kashley, I'm sorry to read about your argument with your mom - it sounds really upsetting. It's no wnder you shut down the feelings and the communication if she says stuff like this above. It's a really threatening, scary thing to hear from your mother, especially when it's wrapped up in blame as well. Is she implying that she might try to end her life? I'm sorry to ask bluntly, but it seems like that's the undertone. In any case, my heart ached to read this. My mum has expressed or...
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Re: Massive missive :)
Wow, AG! How awesome for you to connect with someone so accepting of you and so safe. It appears these healthy experiences are seeping down in and reaching every broken crevice of your soul and are healing you from the inside out. While reading your missive I felt your joys and your sorrows and thought of how you could easily rename it "The agony and the ecstasy of therapy." Thank you for sharing! I have just a few thoughts I want to share with you. How great it is for you to just be and be...
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Re: RECONNECTING?
lizzygirl I totally get what you're describing and what STRM, LL and TN have said regarding their experiences. I think in therapy, this seems quite common with breaks, but doesn't certainly make it easier - so well done for getting through in the first place. Oh and maybe your T mistook your quiet,reserved manner as a sign that you were ok or wanted to stop?? Not sure else why he would ask that..perhaps you need to explain a bit more how it's been - sometimes they just don't get it straight...
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Re: RECONNECTING?
lizzygirl I am sorry your T hasn't replied, but as you say sometimes he doesn't, this time it might just have been nice - eh? So I hope you can talk about it with him on Tuesday and get your much needed support too. I too am sorry for the issues wih your husband ((((lizzygirl)))) big strengthening hug for you. I have no idea about the gun thing - now our gun laws are very different over here, but I can see why that would be masively unsettling for you and yes, the PTSD will make you...
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Re: RECONNECTING?
My H just called me to say he was going out to buy the shotgun and wouldn't be home when I arrived. OK...I think I'm coming to terms with this just being paranoia. Off topic, I know, but he told me how he came across a family of groundhogs being born and the babies were crawling into our pasture and barns where our livestock are. The were many babies I guess. He beat them to death with a shovel and threw them into the woods. Dont know where the mother is. I know he was just trying to protect...
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Re: therapist falls asleep in second session
just a thought, you don't think therapist number two was trying to 'gestalt' me into some quick transference stuff by being 'not available'..ie:SLEEPING...when i needed someone to hear me (just like my mom did). i do think session two was a bit early for that radical of a move. but it has crossed my mind. and interesting as i look back on it, and it was just three days ago, i cried like a baby on the phone to my husband for twenty minutes (and he handled it so well i might add) that i really...
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Re: therapist falls asleep in second session
Once again it's helpful to read posts about things you believed only happened to you, Indeed, I told myself and my T for years that I didn't remember and really convinced the both of us for a while; or told myself when I did remeber loud and clear, that I was mistaken as that surely didn't happen to me. But I suppose, for us it is a self protective mechanism that gets you through a period of time when either it's not safe to remember or nobody will validate you if you do. For me it felt like...
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Re: Define 'Disorganized Attachment', please?
Hi Russ, Sounds like you're in a bad spot, and since I can completely identify with you here I wanted to reply. I know the cold mother story myself, and the "problem of love". My T had me get a book right at the start of therapy called "Reinventing Your Life". It's CBT based and talks about 'lifetraps' we set for ourselves based on how we learned to cope with life as children as we dealt with the life we were subjected to. In the book there's a chapter called "The Emotional Deprivation...
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Re: Paranoid about guns
Hi Lizzy, I'm not surprised you're feeling anxious. What you write here worries me and I think it's worth taking very seriously. I think Seablue's idea of getting in touch with a women's centre is excellent advice. I also want to say make sure you tell your T and any other professional you talk to ALL the details of the stuff that is worrying you, and if you don't think they get it, KEEP telling them. It doesn't matter if you seem paranoid, it matters that you are safe. There were a few...
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Re: Dialectical Behavior Therapy
uv, thanks for the input. why, might i ask, should i tell the pa/pd about the dbt? my strategy is to protect me from abandonment by another t, and i think they might 'resent' the other therapy, and actually, a part of the dbt would be to contain the emotions of attachment and abandonment i feel to either t. i guess i am so jaded by the t3 ditching me, that my trust is raised. too, i find any therapy of a certain school is so deeply prejudiced towards their own orientation that they don't see...
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Re: Anger and hurting others
Wow...that is a powerful read, Jones. I am in awe of the person who wrote it, obviously a very brave and honest soul. I wonder how someone can get to the point there, where facing one's not so pleasant truths becomes possible, without the self-condemnation and horrific guilt that can bring one further down the wrong path? I think it must require an extremely skilled and competent therapist to allow her to get to this point. wow. Well, they say that when the student is ready the teacher will...
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Re: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide
Dear BB, Gosh, I have so many thoughts about what is going on here. I agree with AG that it sounds like lots of memories of feelings are in play. Also, this does remind me a lot of how things felt with my last T. For me, though, I would come away feeling furious and misunderstood at something she had said, and I would think she sucked and was completely wrong, and it really hurt, but it did a few things for me. One is that it got me in touch with anger that I WAS feeling about situations...
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Re: Therapists and Betrayal - probable triggers for some
LL well said. I especially echo: yeah, ditto. just wanted to say as someone who has struggled with deep betrayal by t's - I think this was very well said. I agree that what is in the "best interest for the client" isn't always - and it also not always in the best intereat of the therapist either... I'm struggling to trust a newer t in my life and I have found that what I find the most helpful is when she makes it very clear what is hers and what is mine (so to speak). She owns her own agenda...
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Re: Therapists and Betrayal - probable triggers for some
Lamplighter, What a timely thread. I was about to start my own, as I am swimming in confusion right now about what to do about my T and a few things she has said/offered that have really triggered me and have me spinning on where she is at in the therapeutic relationship. Offering me post-therapy lunch dates, giving me a jewelry-style watchband she had made (in reciprocation of my giving her one a couple months before as a thank-you gift and it was a 'leftover' of the ones she'd made for her...
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Re: Therapists and Betrayal - probable triggers for some
Thank you everyone for saying that you are not sorry when I post. That helped to hear. I just feel like I'm so depressed, bitter and useless that I should just stay away from OF. JD... thank you for all those kind words and thoughts about who I am. I'm not sure they are true but it's nice to hear. I'm not sure about the strength as I feel like I'm running on fumes these days... there is nothing left inside of me. Like I'm slowly fading away. I wish I could believe that my T didn't lie to me.
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Re: Erotic Transference
Thanks for the responses! echo- in the past he would only get frustrated with details that were specific if I tried to talk to him about it outside of therapy. He has this big thing about me saying I love him or anything sexual outside of therapy, it all needs to be done within the therapy session where he can see how I am acting and know whether or not I am doing it to work on the issue or to get gratification out of it....which does make sense which is why I have not tried to contact him...
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Re: x
Dear LadyGrey, i have followed this thread with great interest- and i just wanted to drop in to say you have EVERY right to feel both confused and angry and feel wahtever you feel about your friend calling your T. i think everyone whould have reacted to that, in different ways, but indeed reacted strongly. And i am sure your T would understand that too. I think you are handling everything very good, and i aslo think your T are making the right moves here, when suggesting you come in alone...
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Re: hello :)
Hi Smallfry, Welcome to the forums, so glad you decided to post. I very much agree with Janedoe and TN about the time issue, that is the Ts responsibility. It is their job to keep an eye on time and end the session accordingly. So if your T is giving you extra time, you're not doing anything wrong. My T is pretty firm about time boundaries, but will run over for a really intense session or if I need a little more time to calm down. And it can be very scary when we start having strong...
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Re: confronting shame (updated)
Wow, I feel like I am frequently exactly where you are on this topic. For me, I feel like my shame has a protective quality. It keeps me from allowing behaviors that I fear will cause rejection and abandonment. For example, the shame over my paternal transference with T generated self-abuse which helped to mitigate/regulate my neediness from expressing itself. The actual feeling was still there, but my shame over it protected me from bringing it completely to fruition. Also, harboring shame...
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Re: confronting shame (updated)
Update… Something happened a couple of weeks ago that was very triggering and wrong. I went to a hospital after for medical care, and they treated me horribly. I left stunned, shocked, horrified… I went back to that hospital a couple of days ago to get the records. I just wanted to understand better. I got stuck in the system and ended up going over to the hospital administration office, trying to hold back my tears of shame. On some level, I think I blamed me for the hospitals crappy...
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Re: Welcome!
Actually DF, I think you're making a really good point. Sorry, I am really wiped tonight and probably should have waited to address this. I think the idea of descriptive titles probably would best help people to protect themselves without everyone having to be paranoid all the time.
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Re: .
Oh, Monte. If you weren't in another part of the world, I would wonder if we were seeing the same T. So many things are the same, like all of the unanswered questions on boundaries. I know it hurts so badly. But, you are being so brave! I'm amazed that you were able to ask about meeting in other locations and to let him know it matters what he thinks of you. I doubt he meant "I'm not here to like you, I am here to help you," but that's what I would have heard too. I'm sure he meant that he...
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Re: Feel like the worst mom in the world...
(((UV))) Thanks so much. Getting kind of worked up with Mother's Day being tomorrow (not even feeling like I deserve or want to be celebrated), so this was a good reminder. I think a lot of my feelings are tied to being a mom figure to my two little sisters and the fact that my H's condition affected them and I couldn't or didn't protect them as I should have. I have lost some of my role in their lives as a result. It hurts so F---ing bad. Ugh, stuff I want to say right now belongs in either...
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Re: Seriously??????
(((HUGS)))) You have to have your own lawyer. You need to protect yourself, your ex is already trying to get out of his obligations. I am not sure if he is required to get you one, but if you can't afford one at least demand mediation. It is often much cheaper then a lawyer and they are working with both partners, to make the agreement fair. Let him pay to have the terms that you agree upon together written up and taken to court. A good mediator will know what is standard these days in terms...
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Re: Seriously??????
seablue... I am so so sorry you are having to face this on top of everything else. What a terrible burden for you. I don't have much experience in this area so I will defer to others but I would say that you need your own lawyer. This is a must for you to protect yourself and your children. I'm sure there are some lawyers who do pro bono work in the area of divorce and they could help you. Maybe you could call some divorce lawyers in your area and ask if they do pro bono work and explain...
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Re: Seriously??????
Oh Sea, (((((((((Seablue)))))))) I am so sorry that you are going through this. Definately get your own attorney to protect your rights, and you can have it so stated that your husband also has to pay for your attorney. Don't sign anything without your attorney's approval. Good for you on not giving up rights and custody to your children! Hang in there Sea!
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Re: .
I think there is a great deal of insight in this, Frosty...it is weirdly, part of the reason that I have always admired people who have anxiety rather than my type of depression. Wnating to live is such a postive and such a beautiful thing. And I think you are a person who wants it really deeply, and has *so* much to offer. It has gotten blocked and wounded by your expereineces, but it is still there inside of you- and you know that. With regards the food issues..I know how very sensitive...
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Re: I think I just quit again -UPDATE: I went back
(((((mh))))) Yo-yo ing doesn't makes you too much. Her screwing up and dropping the ball doesn't make you too much at all. I totally understand why you feel that way. My t and I have the slighteat miscommunication and I tend to thunk I'm too screwed up, she can't deal with me. I have actually been trhough several seasons with my t where I canceled nad reschedule the same appointment for the same time several times. With my eq t, I've litterally walked away and then litterally walked back. I...
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Re: facebook and twitter buttons
Beebs, No apologies needed! I'm sure other people were wondering and I think it's really good you asked. I would rather have it clarified. We're talking about issues of a very sensitive nature here and it's perfectly reasonable that people want to protect their identities. I do not go around introducing myself as Attachment Girl from Psychcafe AG
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Re: facebook and twitter buttons
Hi everyone, I got my power back on thankfully in the middle of the night. AG, I didn't delete my post. It's still there. I'm sorry if my post seemed so passive aggressive. Yes, I was raised in a very passive family and it was extremely brutal. And I do tend to be indirect. Working on it. I chimed in very hesitantly because I didn't think this was any of my business. It's wasn't my issue. It's wasn't my fight. I don't want to throw mud. Like probably everyone else, I don't want anyone to be...
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Re: News reports: desensitizing?
I totally agree. I think the images are desensitizing and normalize violence. I also think that for the littlest kids these images make in indelible imprint in their brain that creates stress, anxiety and fear. The only way to protect our kids is to not have the TV on is our homes. I believe all of these images and sounds are cultivating a very dysfunctional society.
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Re: My Experience with attachment and love.
Just really related to this quote. For me, that whole notion seems to imply that we're not human beings. Or that the therapist isn't a human being. There's something cold about it and/or a sense that there is something damaged about me, and/or that I am just this huge transferential mess while the T is this perfect being. Intellectually I know the boundaries are there to protect us precisely because clients have gotten hurt from therapists who crossed those boundaries. But emotionally, it...
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Re: My ill T... continued
Hi Autumn, I can understand how 'seeing' your T online can have two sides to it but I am glad that you are gaining some comfort from knowing she is well enough to be on there. I am glad that T's colleague is a wonderful support and that you have been able to be honest with her in regards to your true feelings. Would you be able to share with her how it feels like it may be too overwhelming to tell your T the truth when she comes back? Maybe you can work through this together to look at the...
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Re: EMDR
Ahhhhh...I don't know what to do. T is being the good attentive T. He called me on Saturday at 12:30 ish... just to check in... to see how I was doing. I didn't see his voicemail until Sunday morning. I apologized... we txt chatted for a bit...he said it was his wife's birthday, and that he would txt later or tomorrow. That would be today. I did not realize until this afternoon that in a way~ I was seeing if he would call or txt like he said. Well he did call. We talked about the EMDR and...
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Re: Impressing T
I want to say yes, and no. I would call it less trying to impress him and more trying to protect him, I guess? I don't put on make-up or dress up. I only have about five outfits that work for this weather, so I tend to keep the ones I like better and cover me more for therapy days. Also, when weather was warm, I would change into more covered clothes for my sessions even if I had been wearing something else earlier in the day (just confessed this to T last night). Why? Especially since we...
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Re: x
Ordered that book from amazon this week, has fabulous reviews and I cant wait to read it! Happy that you are enjoying it @Echoes: takes one to know one ehehe
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Re: stupid feelings!
Wow- thanks Ninn and BLT, for the feedback. I always seem to end up back at this smae problem again. Ninn you said: which was very insightful, and herein lies the crux of my problem! Which I just realized, ding, ding, ding! (thank you for helping me realize. I think I feel loved/in love by having this stronger, wiser other to take care of, protect me, take bullets for me, as Cowboy T uncovered and affirmed as legitimate in my last session. My H on the other hand, feels loved by me taking...
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Re: Intentional triggering??
Starry, I am so sorry about your past and your Dad. How incredibly hurtful. I'm sure his statement at the end of the session actually retraumatized you. It probably felt a lot like when your Dad told you he wouldn't talk to you if you didn't reveal that guy's name. There is a difference between the two situations though and my guess is that your T, quite differently than your Dad, is trying to protect you. He said he wouldn't read them so as not to give you any glimmer of hope that he would...
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Re: I need your support :'(
Eliana, These are the wrong questions. The questions I want the answers to are what was wrong with your mother that she did not freely love her daughter? And what was wrong with your father that he did not protect his daughter? We look for the problem in ourselves, because when we were young, we had a life and death imperative to stay close, so we had to perceive them as being safe to stay close to no matter where the real truth lay. AG
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Re: I need your support :'(
((((Eliana)))) I've just read the thread and I have to say I agree with AG I think your mother is in pain and has her own issues. I am not saying what she has done regarding the dog or your upbringing is right, but it sounds to me like she is hiding her pain and you seem to be that reminder of her pain or regrets or whatever it is she is suffering from through no fault of your own. There are many reasons why your mother could feel this way. I mean lets look at this forum...we are all trying...
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Re: What does trust FEEL like to you?
FMN - I think that's a really good question, and it's one that I don't have an answer for yet. I think I'm starting to learn what it feels like, so for now, I'd kind of describe it as being able to give a piece of yourself to someone and know that it's safe with them. I might be making too much out of it, but your T calling her clients her babies is a red flag to me and seems to validate your suspicion that she became a therapist to fill a void. And it's completely possible to be attached to...
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Re: Inner Child Work (Latest)
Hi True North, I have been lurking on the forums for a while but your post resonated with me so much that I had to register and reply... I am currently exploring the whole inner child issue in therapy. My T recommended reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw and I duly devoured the book in no time. I totally understood the theory as he explained it about the wounded inner children inside us who affect our behaviour and thoughts as adults. I identified with the behaviour patterns he described and...
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Re: lead us not into temptation *update 2*
P.S. And I guess part of the problem is, stumbling across this level of vulnerability activated my protective and care taking instincts, and I'm mad because due to my stupid obsession and curiosity I failed even to fully protect her privacy from myself. Thanks people for letting me vent about this here.
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Re: lead us not into temptation *update 2*
Wow, its cool that you were brave enough to tell her and even cooler that her response was reaffirming and not punitive. I do think that it is her responsibiltiy, not yours, to monitor her own stuff on the internet. My T is having surgery on her knee this week and she won't even let me "mother" her when I saw in session that it was swollen and I wanted her to sit with it propped up and let me get her an icepack. She told me very clearly that it is not my responsibility to take care of her.
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Re: lead us not into temptation *update 2*
Good job HIC. I think you did the decent thing. You made someone you care about aware of an issue that could potentially come back to hurt her. just becauswe it happened to be your T is I think a minor point. It could have been a friend or relative that you would want to protect. It shows you are a caring human being. I'm glad you discussed this with her in your session. It takes courage and I think that it can help you in being able to communicate in a healthy and productive way with your T...