Tagged With "Transitional objects"
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Re: Self-Hatred
Mad Hatter hi Just a thought when I read your initial post, it immediately linked to where I am at the moment in terms of sorting myself out. I’ve spent decades consciously opposing and fighting my self hate and self loathing and it’s only recently that I’ve made a connection between what I call ‘anti-me’ beliefs in my head - and the experience of powerless rage. That self hate and self loathing for me is decades of unexpressed anger and rage all turned inward because my experience of anger...
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Re: Forgiveness
Hi All, Thank you so much for your reaction to my story, it's very affirming for me to get that kind of feedback. MH,this is a good question. I did let go of the hatred BEFORE I talked to the priest, but as I mentioned forgiveness for me is an ongoing process (more on that later) in that as I have recovered more memories, there has been more to forgive and that forgiveness has not always come easily. Having that acknowledgement of the damage done, no matter how oblique(obviously, the...
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Re: Books on therapy/psychology that have helped you
I was trying to keep the last post short but as I was going back to the book and rereading the whole passage, there was more that came before that quote that I want to include here...because it is so good... "Benjamin (1990/1999) asks, 'How is the meeting of two subjects different from one in which a subject meets an object?' (p. 35). In answering the question, she suggests that the capacity for intersubjective relatedness is an evolving and imperfectly acquired one that, at its zenith,...
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Re: Erotic Transference
[QUOTEI do not get this dream at all! At least in my dream I should be able to get some from him. ] [/QUOTE] Hi, Pippi...it's good to "see" you again! I think your dream is amazing. It seems clear , to me, and take with a grain of salt, since I literally know *nothing* about dreams, that in your dream you are trying so much to satisfy your T *physically* because you think, that will get him to love you as you so badly need to be loved. That you perhaps, have equated giving sex with *getting...
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Re: found new T who will work with me including last session with the counselor
DeepFried, no offense taken. I DO Have serious issues with being in the mental health services now as I have old stuff from my past, as I said in the above post, about being 'so not okay' if I was seen as mentally ill. So my own stuff exploding all over the place at the moment. I have just come from a long rant about it with my husband, as I spotted a file with my name on in the office today and I was just STUNNED - that I have a 'mental health file' - i was stunned. I just can't get my head...
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Re: .
Wow Monte that is wonderful! Can't help thinking that somehow you've made a massive shift that is suddenly propelling you forwards - I think you deserve at least two gold stars for how you managed that session. I particularly like the way you decided to just go with him, with what he was bringing up (object lesson to LL there about letting go prior expectations of what to talk about what to discuss what to achieve in a sesion) it sort of says that it freed him to be relaxed and feel closer...
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Re: T boundaries & object permanance. *Updated from phone session.
(((kashley))) (((LG))) Weirdest thing happened today. Two really $#!++4 things happened in the last 24-hours and I wanted to tell my T about it, but felt no really "need" to text him and feel like I can wait until Tuesday night. I have written them down as part of my journaling that I share with him, so I don't forget them if I decide they're still important to discuss. However, I felt like I could sort them out internally without having to text my T to process them. Nor did I feel the need...
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Re: facebook and twitter buttons
Hi All, I'm not sure why the Facebook and Twitter buttons were added. I'm going to contact Shrinklady to talk about why they are there and see if she would object to them being removed. I understand the discomfort that everyone is feeling but I do want to re-emphasize that aside from making it easier, the posts are no more "exposed" then they already are on the internet. But I'll see what I can do. AG
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Re: Therapy Update (*Mon Session)
(((TN))) No worries. I think the hardest part is that I wanted it to be a light, relaxing session, yet certain parts seemed to insist on being distressed. I think I get super-repressed (doesn't everyone?) when I have to be really functional, so I become a strict, nasty parent in terms of containing everything, which I guess is painful inside...have to work on that, I suppose. I have a Wednesday night session, so I'm covered. It is another "short" (i.e. long for almost anyone but me, yet I...
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Re: Session update after playing a game
incognito... I was SO excited to read this post about your session. How interesting that you decided to bring a puzzle to T. I like the metaphor of figuring out the puzzle like figuring out your own life and putting the pieces where they fit and belong. Quite a lovely project you and T can work on together! I didn't realize that you never left anything in his office! It makes a huge difference in helping with object permanency. A part of YOU is now with him and you know you will be in his...
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Re: repressed anger
Lol DaRock it’s me again. I seem to be trailing around on your two threads at the moment. Hey your T sounds pretty clued up about anger and that’s heartening to hear. I like that he anticipates that you will feel like he is letting you down and that you’ll get enraged and want to quit – and has been clear in telling you that that’s when you need to hang in there and keep talking it all out. I hope he also means that you don’t just ‘talk’ it but can express some of those feelings too. In my...
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Re: Hugs: 'simply' comfort or assisting transformation?
Sadly, Your therapist sounds really lovely, and it feels warm to read about how your therapist uses touch in your sessions. I just don't think there are 2 sides of a coin, and that it isn't necessarily a 'victory' to get a therapist to change his/her boundary. My beliefs are that therapy should be individualized for each patient as well as the dynamics of the patient-therapist relationship. There are therapists with firm beliefs about certain things, and while it is true less psychodynamic...
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Re: .
I know I'm a bit late to respond, but I, too, relate to the sort of paradox between being rescued and left to fend for yourself, if you will. I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to be rescued sometimes, we are not meant to go at this alone. Personally, I have found it helpful to have something to signify an emotional support from T. Sometimes this has been done through a transitional object or a quote that was said in the past. I'm not sure if it's the same for you, but for me a need...
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Re: Questions about Borderline Personality Disorder
I love this Fawn. Morgs, I want to repeat what Fawn said as well. So glad you posted here and also glad that what we’re discussing has some meaning for you. I hope you weather your T’s absence ok. I guess it must be reassuring to know you could go inpatient, but it must be frightening thinking you are in such a bad way that you NEED inpatient? Hugs to you ((((((( Morgs )))))) Fawn! Wow what a great post. Can’t even begin to do it justice (not without writing another novel anyway.) And thanks...
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Re: Questions about Borderline Personality Disorder
((((((MORGS))))) I am sorry your T is away for a month but I'm so glad to see you posting. When any of us can share our pain, reach out for help or start to believe that there might be help somewhere, it helps me, anyway, feel that much less alone. (((MORGS))) I hope you can find a suitable inpatient facility and get some well-deserved pampering. (((((LL))))) I'm not sure if I misunderstood what you mean here but if I do understand what you mean, I actually experience it as being the...
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Re: Anyone else hate the sound of your name?
Yes Kmay, I can relate to what you’re saying here . I’m not sure I could say I hate hearing someone say my name (someone close or who knows me, just as you describe) but it certainly makes me feel bad – I don’t know why or what the feeling is, and I’ve never really thought about it before, your post has just reminded me of being vaguely aware of feeling similarly and now I think I’m going to have to look closely at this to see why it’s such an issue. Off the top of my head I can guess that...
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Re: Update on 'Why, oh why, do I continue to do this?'
Hi Liese I met with him today and he stated that there would be no texting contact allowed and there would be no phone contact allowed unless I had to call to tell him I was cancelling due to sickness. He said that he expects me to be at my appointments, without fail. I just feel that he doesn't care. Now, I don't know if that is the child part of me or what. That's what I mean when I say maybe I am putting too much on him in the sense that I want him to be what he can never be. I can never...
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Re: Update on 'Why, oh why, do I continue to do this?'
TAS I am sorry that your T has said No to outside contact because I find it very helpful and I see T twice a week. I am curious if he has explained his reasons WHY you cannot have any contact?? I think this would really be important to know and understand. I don't understand how he would believe you could form an attachment or development object constancy with him if you are not allowed to reach out to him when you need to. Hugs TN
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Re: Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy - experiences
Welcome anagum. That is a lot of questions you have. I'm not in a really good place tonight to respond but I wanted you to feel welcome here on the Board and not like your post was being ignored. I hope you find the support here that you are looking for. My T is an analytically trained but does more of a psychodynamic type therapy with a lot of attachment theory and object relations thrown in. He talks a fair amount of the time and we do not do free association. For the past two years we...
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Re: Failure
I don't want to scare anyone. I don't think that it has to end in a disaster only because we're in a very long therapy. Our stories and issues are different, and so are the therapists. I had a serious diagnosis, and things went wrong. For you to be able to make any sense of it you'll need to hear some of my Therapy-story. Forgive me for going into details here and there. I think it will be more difficult to understand without certain details. This is the only therapy I ever had. I'm not sure...
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Re: squaring our feelings for our therapists
((TN)) We know he used to be scared of it. He's not anymore. I actually told him that I had a "spiritual love" for him in a card I made for him and he was fine with that. I'm thinking about people outside of therapy. People I've liked or loved more than they loved me. If I was the other person, the object of someone's affection, why does it have to be so weird?
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Re: Shut down.
Closed Doors - I'm the same way when it comes to anger. For the most part, I have a very hard time getting in touch with that particular emotion. But, during the extremely select few times I do, it wants to erupt in ways that scare the beejeebers outta me! By that I mean I feel like I could do some serious physical damage to an inanimate object or myself by punching something. I just feel like I can't let myself (safely) go there. I've tried drawing it using my non-dominant hand cuz it's my...
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
I would be taking THEIR object out of the heart box and putting it next to it but not in it. I really would be affected by this AG. The other person may not even realise at all that they have put their gift inside a significant object - so that might be all innocent - but that wouldn't help my feelings, I would be taking it out of there - or even moving the box to put it out of anyone else's reach. Not exactly the same but.... when T went away recently she bought an office plant and gave it...
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
Hi, AG. I think your reaction is entirely human and understandable. I would have felt the same way, but I would not have had the courage/vulnerability to admit it! (((AG))) I'm sorry this happened, because it's the "little things" that really can hurt. The only other thought I can offer is that your T is in a bad spot here: He has inadvertently set up a situation where your needs and another client's needs are in conflict. I don't know how he can resolve the problem without seeming to favor...
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
Hi AG, I can certainly understand how you feel about someone else using your heart box and think you should do whatever works best for you. I only want to comment on this I think it is possible that the other client doesn't realize that the heart box came from a client and might think it just belongs to your T. Would your T have told the client that it came from another client even if she didn't ask, probably not? I have a similar concern in reverse. Starting last christmas holiday and now...
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
Thank you all for your replies, it helps me to accept my own feelings. Somedays, Thanks for saying you would be affected too. I really understand about the plant, I would feel that way also. I do realize the other person might now realize what they were doing, and I cannot know without talking to them, but please trust me, it does not take a rocket scientist to observe that most of the stuff on the table are gifts from clients. I have mentioned something new on the table (yes, I notice ANY...
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
Monte, LMAO, I was actually fantasizing about leaving a rather nasty note under the object for them to find at their next appointment. I like that idea! I'll just get another heart box and put theirs in it. My space. MINE! I will say for my T, he was very encouraging about me bringing it up so I think you're right. Thanks Monte, you made me both smile and feel better. AG
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
For what it's worth I can't stand it when my T even mentions her other clients. I don't even like seeing them in the waiting room. To have someone put their object in my heart box would most certainly elicit the same response from me that you are having AG. At the same time I think this is fodder for therapy. Something to look at. What is it about? What meaning does it have to you? This could be an opportunity to explore where these feelings arise from
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Re: Hey, that's mine!
(((AG))) Sorry, that would have been extremely painful for me, and shut me down. You are so brave to express your pain and anger directly to your T like that. Are you still considering leaving another box and the note? Did you talk to your T about that at all and whether that would be OK with him? It would be really hard for me to continue seeing it in there not knowing what it meant to the other person, why it was put in there, how much of the context of the object they understood when they...
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Re: How do you explain attachment?
Rt, Here's something I wrote on an old thread that might do the trick, or if you think it would help, do as Hollow suggested and grab something from my blog. AG
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Re: Sessions on consecutive days
((((SOMEDAYS)))) It has taken a long time for the object constancy to develop for me as well. Part of the problem is that there was just SO MUCH negative in there. It's like overcoming a mountain of negative adding positive dirt one teaspoon at a time. The only time I did two session on consecutive days was recently in between my vacation and T's vacation when things were rocky and we only had one more apt. scheduled before I went away. I had to cancel my second to last session because I got...
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Re: Sessions on consecutive days
SD I attend five days per week in a row (and thank whoever it is that invented medicare and my T for being a registered GP). the continuity is excellent for helping develop object constancy and in my early days I didn't have sessions on consecutive days and it was harder to deal with
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Re: Bessel
I absolutely LOVE his work. My T has asked various people and I have contacted various researchers - about my severe lack of ability to hold my T in mind between visits. If I don't see her I totally believe she is dead or has forgotten me - I have no sense of object constancy. We have tried all the transitional objects etc etc and they all are very brief help if any help at all. My T contacts me every 1 or 2 days and that helps briefly. I feel like a baby in a crib in a blackened room and I...
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Re: Bessel
Liese, tell me if I am thread-jacking and I will take this elsewhere, but Somedays, I don't totally believe what you say about your lack of object constancy. I say that because you always come here and post about your T. So obviously there is a part of you that remembers her accurately even when she's not there. Now, there maybe a part of you that feels like she's dead every time you have to leave her, but that is only one part because you do have the capacity to realize that feeling is...
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Re: Bessel
I apologize if my comment came off as invalidating. It was not meant to be. However, I think it's important for SD to know if there IS a part of her that has some object constancy. It's much simpler (although still for from easy!) to get the part that DOES have constancy in better touch with the part that doesn't, than to build something totally new.
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Re: I Want To Leave
Thought I would give an update on seeing my T on Thursday night. It was not really my appointment but we did have a brief moment to talk. When I got there he came out and smiled at me and spoke to my son a minute. I offered him my hand for a handshake to congratulate him on his team winning and he warmly shook my hand and teased me a little. He then inquired if I wanted to come in first to bring him up to date. We agreed that I would have 10 minutes before my son went in. He looked at me and...
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Re: relationships
I have a question. I probably need to ask my T about it as well, but if you could give me some ideas. I broke up with my boyfriend not so long ago, but everything is fine. I'm single and I don't mind it. I feel like I want to take my time, do my therapy work and see what happens. However there is a guy at work that I fancy. I never talked to him since we work in different areas, but I noticed him when I started my job some 3 years ago. I would like to get to know him closer, because he is...
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Re: EMDR
Oh no! BB, your story is gone.... I'm so sorry I didn't respond earlier. I wanted you to know that I REALLY felt the power of that incident. I really identified with it, which made it hard to respond to. Your dad's dismissive lack of care, the sense of being just an object, the lack of recognition that YOU were going through something scary (moving), the turmoil of moving all the time with no one concerned about the impact on you. I hope it's okay to say this much - tell me if it feels yuck...
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Re: Unsure of what to do
Well, I sent my psychiatrist an email asking about two important questions. One was about the covering up the tattoo with his name on it with a lion and cub because of the story he told me that symbolizes our relationship. I was nervous about asking him cause I didnt want to sound stupid for still wanting to keep some connection to him. I was surprised when he wrote back and said that I should get it done and that he liked the idea. The other question was about giving me some kind of object...
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Re: Unsure of what to do
Pippi, Sounds like you should pat yourself on the back, girl!! Way to go! You were brave to ask these questions and I am impressed with the place you are at in your mind with being able to understand that if he cannot give you a transitional object that it doesn't mean it's about you or that he doesn't like you or is rejecting you. It's great that you are taking the giant step of asking for what you need. Great job!!! You should be very proud of yourself, and I hope that you get what you...
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Re: Gifts FROM Therapists
All I want from my P is a big teddy bear or some other kind of stuffed animal with his cologne sprayed on it so it will smell like him or a blanket that smells like him that way I can wrap up in it when I am having a really hard time or hug the stuffed animal at night when I am having a hard time. I have two weeks left to find out if I get anything from him at all and the wait is killing me. But the good news is that my old high school psychologist said that he would bring me something in...
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Re: Gifts FROM Therapists
Hi DF, thanks for asking since I like to talk about my T. Yes, IMO the photo has helped. The first day I took it I did not dare look at the photo for several hours after I got home from session. I don't know why I was afraid. I became emotional and started crying (not something I often do) when I finally looked at it. The feeling I had was, Wow, she is REAL and I did not just imagine her! I remember her face better now, but of course it helps that I look at her photo every single day. I...
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Re: Gifts FROM Therapists
Ah gifts... I do give my T gifts but I am careful to keep them under $10. We have discussed the gift giving, as it's all grist for the mill, and we have reached an agreement that he will let me know if it gets excessive or if they are inappropriate but he says I have never done that and he trusts me to keep it simple. I usually give him things that have a personal meaning to something we are discussing. I also bring him home made food items, especially around holidays. As for what he gives...
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Re: Gifts FROM Therapists
I hadn't heard the term "object constancy" before, so I looked it up. But I don't quite see why that would be a concern, in terms of it being a negative thing. Would you elaborate on that a bit? I'm asking because I carry a pic of my therapist with me and I was just wondering if that's a bad thing. thanks, WLOH
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Re: Gifts FROM Therapists
Hi WLOH, I am not an expert on object relations theory and not sure I grasp fully what my T meant, but I would like to try and answer your question according to my own understanding. It's going to take me more time than I have at the moment, but I will try to find time later tonight to reply.
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Re: Gifts FROM Therapists
OK, I am back. Here is my best guess answering your question, but maybe someone else has greater understanding to add as well. The following descriptions are borrowed from the website Out of the Fog : “Lack of Object Constancy - Object Constancy is a psychological term used to describe the ability to think of other people or objects as "still there", even when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a developmental skill which most children develop at about age...
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Re: Transference/Identity
Hi Pippi, I've been following your story with your P and I was so thrilled to hear how he responded to your request for a transitional object and gave you those rosary beads which obviously belonged to him for a long time and that you had seen in his office. This was a great connection back to him. My T gave me his pen when I asked for an object and then another time when I was scared because I had to leave him and go on vacation he gave me a little stuffed dog to take with me. I still have...
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Re: Struggling & spinning again!
Hi ladies, Sorry it's been several days since you all posted to me and I've not replied. I figured I'd wait until I saw my T before I posted because I was in such a bad place and was really hoping that seeing her would get me out of that place. Well, no such luck. Don't know what to do now. I didn't actually end up telling her that I am spinning about her. Kind of gave her some cop-out about how I'm feeling disconnected from everyone (which is true), but I didn't tell her that the spinning...
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Re: I miss my parents
Jo, Thanks for the wonderful reply. I'm very moved by it, especially your feeling that what you saw in your Dad in the end was his soul. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that it took your Dad's final illness for him to let his walls come down. Still, it sounds like you and he were able to clarify your feelings for each other, and that seems to be the most important thing. When I talk to my Dad on the phone, he always says, "it's good to hear your voice," which I think is his way of...
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Re: Preparing for T's Vacation
I know I promised to let you all know what happened today. I don't know how much I can tell you all because my heart is heavy with pain. It was not a terrible session and there were a few bright spots but I just feel so sad and I think being nervous about Friday and then having him leave for such a long time has me unable to see anything good in anything that I'm dealing with. If that makes any sense. Lately, I'm not sure if I make sense about anything. I think I'm in that awful head fog of...