Tagged With "little me"
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Re: So lost
Hello i'm glad that you have taken the chance to reach out for help like this! I wish i could read all of your post and take it all in but unable.. i will briefly leave just what crossed my mind when I read it.. My first thoughts are soinds like you have a ton of depression going on and the negative voice in the head slamming you with all that negative self talk that comes from all those nasty things that happen in the past that seem to stick with us (core beliefs). Your boyfriend is being...
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Re: So lost
Hi SD ~ Welcome , A year ago I was where you are . Same sort of symptoms; Difficulties at work (work was actually the catalyst), relationship issues to the point of a seperation being suggested by my partner, I was extremely moody, had anxiety attacks, and severe depressive behaviors (crying, confused, sleeping, self loathing). It took me a couple of months before I woke up one mornign and said what you have "I want to be ME again", so I went to the dr. She did some bloodwork/tests to rule...
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Re: back for a short while
Hi HB, Jo, thanks so much for saying hello too, it's so lovely having people respond and means a lot to me! Jo, I'm doing a lot of arts and creative education projects. All of which seem to bunch up at the moment. But I've booked myself into a couple of retreats this summer not to lose sight of the important things in life SB
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Re: New Here : )
Hi BlahBlahBlah, Welcome! Just the fact that you posted is a huge step towards your healing! Yes, we all have awful scary days. In my case more than i'd like. Dark thoughts, uncomfortable feelings and it's definitely not easy learning to cope with this. The fact that you're 18 and already aknowledged what's going on will help you find yourself in a better place so much sooner than most people! There is something you mentioned but didn't really go deeper in: your eating disorder. I can relate...
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Re: New Here : )
Welcome to the forums, I hope you do keep posting! It sounds like you are in a tough place, I'm glad to hear you are seeking out help. I wouldn't describe transference as a problem. It can be tough and confusing, but it's also a way to understand yourself better and learn to develop a healthy relationship. Sometimes, I think that when we engage with a therapist, they are just biding their time until you "develop transference issues" so you can get started on the real work As so many people...
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Re: New Here : )
Hi BlahBlahBlah! I'm glad you posted (and I really like your name)! I hope you can stick around awhile if you like it here. You know what's funny about your above statement??? I could have written the SAME thing and it would be very, very true for me; especially at your age (I'm just about 4 years older than you). I know how very hard it can be to live with someone like your mother... almost toxic in my experience. It's almost like living in another world i think... any plans to move out now...
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Re: New Here : )
It used to be that I was sure that any feelings I thought I had were "wrong" in the sense that I couldn't know what they were, so if I told anyone, they would correct me. In this way, I had a terrible time talking about my feelings because I was so sure I'd be wrong. Not wrong as in bad, but wrong as if I told someone that the value of PI is 4. For me, it just took a lot of time, and small steps. I tell my P about something I was feeling, and he reacted positively, and so I felt encouraged...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
I've been wondering too! I'm one of those people who read the forums here daily because I get so much out of them... but I rarely post myself. I just don't have the time but more importantly I don't feel I have the insight to contribute. I really miss Attachment Girl's posts - she always had a wonderful way with her words. I'm also missing "Just Me' and "Russ". Where are you all?? Please come back and let us know how you are all going. Cheers! I'm Ok
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Re: Rejected
Well, when it happened I did contemplate going back to talk to him about it. But I felt that he seemed annoyed with me for whatever reason plus he'd said that he didn't think I really needed to go back. So, I think I would just feel like a real nuisance showing up or even calling and saying why did you say that, etc.
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Re: Rejected
Plus, I think if I went back I'd cry too much when I was talking to him. Also, it would be pretty embarrassing for me to tell him how much he had meant to me - it just seems too intimate. BTW - thank you very much for your suggetions
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Re: Rejected
Rachel, I can't imagine how painful this must have been for you. I think sometimes therapists underestimate the power they have in our lives. I agree with Jo, that it sounds like it was about him, not about you, but it's probably difficult for you to see that right now, or that he might have thought that you were sending him the message that you thought you were done. IMO, he didn't handle it correctly in either case. You deserve more than this. I hope that you are able to take care of...
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Re: Trouble in Therapy
It's always the first time that's the hardest. Think about learning a new skill. The first time you try to make it to the goal, it takes FOREVER. There are many trials and errors; many stops and starts. You have to be persistent. Then, you make it! You tell yourself, I can do it again. So, you try again. This time, there are still a lot of trials and errors and stops and starts, but you make it again. The next time, there are fewer trials and errors and stops and starts. Soon, you can make...
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Re: Trouble in Therapy
Hi, HBShadow. Don' give up! I know how hard it seems. You are not alone. I truly think my mind is going to explode with the obsessive thoughts about my T, therapy etc sometimes. Those thoughts, though, they are there because there is something that is working in therapy. It hurts, it is hard, but it sounds like you really do have a connection there. Catgirl is so right. You have started to experience that trust. You have gotten past the biggest, hardest hurdle of not trusting at all. You...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
Catgirl, You're being way TOO understanding, I'd feel better if you yelled at me just a little. (Thank you for being too understanding!) OW, Nice woodwork isn't it! Good to hear from you too!!
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Re: Rejected
I also second the idea of talking to him even if it is only once or seeing someone else if that seems easier. I think it is very hard to know what your T is thinking if you don't ask. Maybe he thought you weren't interested in continuing because of your reserve or the fact you asked how often you should come. When I had been seeing my T for about 3 months, we had a conversation about whether it was helping and if I should quit (I didn't want to but I thought he wanted me to) and at one point...
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Re: EMDR?
Hey Jo, I've never done EMDR, but my T wants to do it with me. So far, I've said No, because it has these series of steps and I get all weird when I have to do something a certain way. I get all rebellious and don't want to do it. Plus, I think that I would just laugh when she's doing the little tick tick thing, or whatever (I don't know if you've read enough about it to know what I'm talking about.). Plus, therapy is working for me as it is. She says EMDR would speed up the process. I'm not...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi Yeah I had that fear too about having to terminate sooner than I wanted to because of emdr. I know what you mean about being rebellious against structured things too. I have researched it and even did it once with my old T. It went well. But that's the thing now I see a new T and I don't konw her that well and I am skeptical etc. I didn't laugh about it really. Well yeah I guess I did laugh at first. She taps my hands which is better than some of the alternatives. I am afraid of what I...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi Jo, I've never had EMDR but it really wasn't that widely used when I was working through a lot of the trauma. But I've heard really good things about it. There's a website by a therapist Robin Shapiro who does a LOT of EMDR work (she's written a text book for therapists on the technique) and there's a lot of good information on her website, the link is below. Trauma and Attachment Therapy There's a lot of good info on her site but I really love her because it's on her website that I found...
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Re: EMDR?
Thanks Shrinklady! It's good to be back around, especially because everyone is making me feel very welcome back. That's awesome that Robin will be writing an article for the site, she's a very clear teacher and its a topic she knows really well. A webinar would be awesome! I'd say "eh" but my Canadian accent is terrible! AG
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Re: Rejected
Hi Rachel - I get extremely attached to therapists so I can completely understand your not wanting to try again with another therapist (and risk getting hurt again). Over a decade ago, I saw a therapist for 3 years. It didn't help at all but I couldn't bear losing her so I stuck around for 3 years until I forced myself to "give her up". For a decade I struggled on my own. Then when I couldn't do it anymore, my thought was I could never, ever go through therapy with anyone but that last...
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Re: EMDR?
I have yet to introduce myself but I want to say that I really appreciate reading the interaction on this site. Trauma therapy is an arduous and lonely process and I need the support right now more than ever. I have used EMDR with my T on a few occasions and found it amazing. I prefer she tap on my knees with my eyes closed than to follow her finger with my eyes open; the visual technique is too distracting for me. I would like to try an auditory option but have not addressed that with her...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
AG ... you can add me to the list of people thrilled to see you here posting again. Your words have always helped me. Hi River...nice to see you again too. I'm sorry you are struggling now but please know we are here if you need us and we understand. As for me... I've been away on vacation and then returned home with a bad case of bronchitis and have not really felt well enough to post. I even had to postpone a therapy session and I NEVER do that. I was just coughing too much and had no...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
True North, I've missed you, too. I only overlapped here with all of you guys for a short time, so it was hard for me to remember everyone who's been missing, but it's good to see you back. catgirl
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
TN, BTW, I know how you feel with the coughing/bronchitis thing. I recently had pneumonia. It's so energy-consuming to be sick. My T always reminds me that we have plenty of time, and to know that it will be okay, that we will work through my stuff. So, that's what I want to remind you of right now. Right now, you need to focus on regaining your energy. The other stuff will come in its own time. catgirl
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Summer and HB, Thanks so much for the kind thoughts. And HB, thanks so much for the Cherokee Legend. What a wonderful story. I am going to print that out and save it. Yes, it's an awful thing to have to contend with. As I mention, it's an inner critic that's been there for a long time, but now it almost seems like it feels desperate and feels like it has to come out into the open a bit more and come at me with the worst that it has to offer. I keep responding by telling "it" that I'm...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, good to meet you. I have read your posts in the past, but have just started posting myself! I agree with HB, that change in your dream seems like a very good omen. It seems very powerful, and representative of some big changes you have gone through! Even just raising your consiousness to remember the dream is one very big step, I think! whereami
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Re: Checking in after a long break
HI RUUUUSSSSSS!!!!! It's so good to hear from you... I've been wondering how you've been doing! I'm sorry to hear that you are still having bouts of awfulness... but you do seem to understand it a little better these days, and I think that is definitely a good thing! Your latest dream sounds like a good sign to me... I wonder what your t will say? I'm really glad you've stuck with this process Russ, I know it's been hard. You are working really diligently and it will pay off for you... that...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, good to see you back! I think I'm in a similar place, so haven't posted, nor read much truth be told. Apart from that my nasty voices aren't half as clear as yours, nor half as bad by the sounds of it. But I do think it must be a good thing to identify them ultimately, hoping that this undercurrent of torment will just pack up and go at some point. Don't think they have any intention to do that in the near future. I'm really hurting tonight and just can't get a clear handle on...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
SB, it's not that the voice - which is my own but always says things to me as "you" - is all that clear. I mean it's clear enough, but it's not a yelling, screaming thing, and sometimes it's just a word or an image that flashes into my mind. So, whenever this happens, it's not myself saying, "I am this or I am that," it's always, "you are this or you are that." So, it might say, "you are worthless" and I'll respond by saying, "hmmm, that's odd. I don't feel worthless. Maybe you're just a...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi (((SB))). Sorry you are hurting tonight. I know it makes it seem so much worse when you can't figure out why. Keep talking to yourself the way you suggested to Russ. You deserve a kind voice--one that will help silence the feelings of worthlessness. Allow yourself to be angry. . . We are here to listen. whereami
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Re: EMDR?
I can't say much here except I've heard mostly positive things about EMDR. It's similar to other types of trauma therapy like exposure therapy except it adds the element of the eye movement to it. It's good your therapist knows how to do it and likely worth the try. I can say that trauma therapy is very difficult in whatever theraputic form it comes in. AG- Hey there!! Nice to see you! Finally a familiar and friendly person. I have felt like no one knows me since I came back =( BW
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Re: Checking in after a long break
thanks Russ, I have to remind myself that being angry is not a bad thing. I still expect to be cast out into the outer universe for being angry! Do you think all these ingrained behaviours are ever going to melt away??? And just for record (and you can have that in writing... ): YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS AT ALL, quite the contrary and I really admire the your courage and strength of staying with the mud! Hi whereamI! I just hope I can believe that one day. I halfway do on a good day and then...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hi Russ, Thanks for checking in, I've been worried about you (I know I have my nerve considering how long I've been missing!). I get the inner critic as I had a very strong one myself. I've done some reading and the theory is that we internalize the negative stuff we pick up and criticize ourselves in an effort to keep us safe. If we yell at ourselves then maybe we'll not cross that invisible line and get in trouble again. Part of healing is learning that all of the criticism wasn't true in...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
hey CT, TN, AG and everybody. Thanks so much for all the replies. One thing is clear; that part of me - the harsh inner critic - is extremely strong. My T feels that despite it's hateful, sadistic voice, it is there to tell me something. It's not there just to be hateful and sadistic just because it can. He said that setting up a confrontational relationship with it isn't doing me any good. I think this is true since just telling that part of me to shut the hell up doesn't really do...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
Hey Russ! Sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I just had a thought about this. My T suggests that I just tell that part of me, "I hear you. I know that you're there." When I genuinely do this, without feeling angry at the voice for being there, I often move into sadness. This tells me that the voice is defending my sadness, so by doing this, I peel off a layer of the onion. She says the first step is just acknowledgement. Anyway, just a thought. Good to see you again! cat
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Re: Checking in after a long break
I would like to second CG's thought here! I have a similar experience when trying to get through the anger and negativity. I think I've said in on here before, but this is what my t said to me once (and I'm definitely paraphrasing): Think about it like this. What does a young child do when he's angry? He strikes out with the most hurtful thing he can think of: I HATE YOU! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE! YOU'RE STUPID! I'M NEVER GONNA TALK TO YOU AGAIN! But when young child is that...
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Re: EMDR?
I am new here, but wanted to comment upon my experience with EMDR. My T used it to rid me of a pervasive nagging image of something that kept surfacing unbidden. When it did, it was upsetting and brought the whole incident back to mind ike it was yeaterday. One session and the memory is still faintly there but it is as if it was laid to rest in my mind. Very spooky! I would avail myself of the process anytime.
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hi Timbo, Welcome to the forum! Sounds like you are in a bit of a pickle there. I'll answer your last question first ~ Are you wasting your time? If you love someone you are never wasting your time! If you don't love this woman, maybe it's in your best interest to consider moving on. I'll assume that you love her because you have stuck it out this long. I agree that your partners daughter should be out of the house by 27 (does mom cook with cheese?? hahaha sorry, I couldn't resist!), you say...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hey AG It's been awhile!You can SEE me??? hehehe Nice to see you too. Holz
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Re: EMDR?
Hey butterfly! I am not sure. I think you used to post here? Or did you change your ID? Anyway I think I remember you and am glad you are here. Good to see you too AG! I meant to comment in the thread where I asked about you but times have been rough and though I have looked in on this board I mostly didn't feel I could respond to ayone. I had a rough couple of weeks. EMDR My new T tried it with me but I think I didn't know her well enough and she zeroed in on one of the most stressful...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Thanks to you all for taking the time to offer your suggestions and support. I just stuck my neck out one last time making her aware of possible abandonment and co-dependency issues. Telling her she has head problems will surely be the end of me
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Re: EMDR?
Hi you all, this is a great topic. I'd also be glad to read something about EMDR by Robin...that'd be cool. When I first shut down and stopped working they gave me ECT treatments. It was only 8 weeks into my depression and they gave me 24 in a row. It fried my memory and I feel grateful to still have enough brain power to function. I wondered if I'd be able to do school but seems that I can. I would never recommend it. I fought against my clients having ECT and lost... I have had some EMDR...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi All I know this topic isn't really about ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) but I just wanted to give my own personal opinion / experience on this topic. I've had ECT. It was a last resort (both times) in my case and thankfully it worked to get me out of the rock bottom state I was in. The first time I had ECT I was suffering from severe postnatal depression and spent 16 weeks in a Mother-Baby Unit. I didn't want to hold my newborn child (whom my husband & I had desperately wanted and...
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Re: EMDR?
Hello Everyone, I too have had ECT treatments and they have helped me tremendously--although, I initially agreed to have them because I engage in self-harm...and I thought that the ECT's(being so extreme) would accomplish a similar result as my cutting would...anyway...since the ECT's, I have felt much happier and much more ready to tackle some of the work I'm doing in therapy now. And, I would choose to do ECT's again if I needed them, this time not for self-harm but to lift me out of ...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi Flicka, Just my two cents' worth...with all the stuff I've read on transference (message boards, websites, books, etc.) I've had the growing impression that not everyone means exactly the same thing when they use that word. In fact, a few sessions ago, I finally asked my T for his definition because we'd been using the word for a while, but never directly defined it. He said a few things, but what was most useful for me going forward was to look at it as the feelings I'm having about my...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi, I didn't read the thread you're referring to but here's one thing I've learned about transference so far; I think you can have it and not even realise it. For example, there have been times where I was so furious with my therapist that I wanted to tell him to go F himself and never see him again because he said something that hurt me. It took a while to see that the hurt feelings - triggered by my T - were really kind of a referred pain from an original hurt from my father...or my...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG, I've read about the love-hate flip-flop and I've never really experienced it the way I've read about it. I don't so much hate my T as worry that he isn't the person I thought he was. I have definitely experienced getting very angry and/or upset with him on numerous occasions when he didn't do anything wrong. The first time I ever told him I was angry at him was because he canceled a couples appt at the last minute (8:30 AM for a 5:30 PM) and I just assumed that it was some kind of...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG... first I wanted to say hi and welcome because I don't think we have chatted yet. I haven't been around lately because I've been doing some seriously heavy therapy and had no energy to post. I did want to say that i've been reading your posts and I can see that you are working very hard in your therapy and that you have good insight. I have a very good ability to assign hateful thoughts to my T. He commented just today how good I am at deciding for him what he is thinking . Today I...