Tagged With "Eye contact"
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Re: Rejected
Rachel, I can't imagine how painful this must have been for you. I think sometimes therapists underestimate the power they have in our lives. I agree with Jo, that it sounds like it was about him, not about you, but it's probably difficult for you to see that right now, or that he might have thought that you were sending him the message that you thought you were done. IMO, he didn't handle it correctly in either case. You deserve more than this. I hope that you are able to take care of...
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Re: insight
Thanks for your replies, Mrs. P and HB. I had a good appt with my P. As expected, he was worried that I had SI'd and we explored that. He does care about me and I need to believe that he will be there for me no matter what--I don't have to create an emergency for him to respond to my need to have contact. It's soooo hard sometimes. I have been rejected so much in my life that feeling rejection is so automatic even if it's just in my mind. He is going to see me again this week which is an...
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Re: Have you ever sued your Therapist?
I suppose you can contact the institution that is is training with and complain. If there is something serious going on then maybe it will be better if he never becomes a therapist. My T is also in training. I think he might have completed his training already but doesn't have a licence yet. But I'm very happy with my therapy. I love him, but he respects boundaries. I'm in therapy for 6 months only so far, and he never made me feel that there could something else going on then just my...
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Re: Questions, questions
Wow, some of the comments shared here are so powerfully felt. I have had a difficult time posting much lately because I find myself too emotionally moved by everyone's experiences. Apologies to Magpie, but I really would like to respond to some of the comments with my own experiences. I don't have enough energy to respond to all whom I would like, so I will just focus on a few quotes. This describes my therapy experience EXACTLY. I will know something is affecting me, but I will use logic to...
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Re: major transference feelings- what to do
Im really glad it went well. And now you know that no matter what you can be honest and come see him when you need to without some big emergency. I used to make up emergencies all the time to contact my P because he says to only call or text during an emergency. But stopped believing that I had an emergency every single day But I am really glad you were able to be honest and you really did do great and make big strides in your session. Hopefully it will keep going in that direction. I know...
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Re: into the breach
Hi Jones, I'm sorry for what you're going through, I know just how painful and confusing it can be. First of all, let me say that SG's response was very insightful and I agree with everything she said to you, especially about trusting yourself. The thing that makes healing from these kinds of injuries are that the injuries themselves make it difficult to do what we need to do to get better. When you did not have good attunement or a caring other (or even more so were actively abused) you...
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Re: into the breach
It's so weird to come back and read what I wrote here - I feel like a different person to last week, I don't feel connected to that anger and distrust at all. As I approached my session today I felt all that recede, and although it was in the back of my head that I SHOULD talk about all this, it just sort of slipped away, and I knew I couldn't. But the session felt really important somehow. I was keeping to work/life/schedule stuff because I didn't want to go near the other things, and she...
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Re: I made a huge mistake
Im sorry you are going through this! I understand where you are coming from as I have a history of abusing pain killers and anxiety meds. Really, I would abuse anything that would work to make me feel different. I am not 1 month clean of pills and 2 months clean of alcohol. I go to a celebrate recovery program but did that on my own long before I was willing to admit I had a problem with those things, I was going just for the self-injury which I will get my 1 year chip next month for. I get...
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Re: into the breach
Jones, this sounds familiar. I am feeling hostile right now, mostly about the boundaries though. But even though I can express it here on the forum, I hold back when I am in session. The anger just goes temporarily underground. It's not like I consciously try to block it out. Last session I actually did the opposite; I consciously tried to hold onto the anger, but I only retained a piece of it. I think I must be afraid to feel anger in her presence - afraid the consequences will be...
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Re: into the breach
Hi MH, "The anger just goes temporarily underground. It's not like I consciously try to block it out." Yeah, I know... at this stage I guess for us there's not much choice involved here. I believe as our relationships with our Ts continue (assuming all is well) we will get to feel safer on deeper levels, beyond conscious choice, and the feelings will become available of their own accord. And in the meantime we work on bringing what we can and working towards that sense of attunement. The...
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Re: into the breach
Hi Jones and MH, Uuummm, I have something to say about expressing feelings but I'm afraid you're going to want to use the HTML slapper on me. And what I'm about to say was true for me but that doesn't necessarily make it so for either of you, so take this with a grain of salt. Waiting until you feel safe to speak up is doing it backwards (or at least it was for me!). It was speaking up despite the fear that made me feel safer. We learned not to express our feelings the hard way, by having...
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Re: Self-Hatred
Hi MH... first I think AG gave a thorough and wonderful answer. I too have struggled with the self-hate. I have told my T that I don't even understand why he would want to talk to me or even allow me in his office as I was so defective, horrible and I would just sit there and spew toxic waste all over his nice rug. There were times I felt so repulsive that I wanted to run out of his office and hide somewhere. He reassured me that I was not repulsive nor did I spew toxic waste or anything...
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Re: Decisions, Decisions....
smiley, yep it does make it difficult but at the end of the day your T has to act in your best interest. It takes a huge leap of faith to tell a T such difficult feelings, but you won't be the first and she will know how to help. My T was very sensitive when I told her - I had a fear I'd be carted off to some locked unit - but far from it and we agreed a strategy that felt safe for both of us to be comfortable with. The feelings hung around a while but it helped her knowing. Hard for you to...
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Re: Decisions, Decisions....
Thanks Starfish. I know it is her responsibility that's why I don't want to talk about it with her. I trusted someone once and they turned on me. It caused alot of problems. I can't do that again. I know for me in those really dark times I don't want any human contact - I run and hide
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Re: Decisions, Decisions....
smiley I understand about trust issues - it takes along long time to trust again once you've been hurt. Your head knows that you can trust your T but your heart tells you otherwise maybe? So you must do what you feel comfortable with, but maybe 'test' your T out on other issues to confirm little by little that you can trust her. Keep safe and run somewhere safe if you have to run - plan it beforehand perhaps so you do keep safe. I have done a lot of running, now I sort of know where I will...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
I have never and think I would actually DIE!! I am really paranoid about it happening and think about it a lot, though it is VERY VERY unlikely. I think for privacy/confidentiality they are not supposed to initiate contact if they see us in public. My former T said if it ever happened, she would not come up to me, but if I wanted to come to her and say hi I could. Yes - that would be super comfortable.
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Re: Hurting
Thanks for asking Seablue! Sorry all, I didn't mean to pull a disappearing act. I'm actually feeling much better but the goodbye party for my co-worker was on Friday and my husband had his first day off in three weeks today so posting time and/or the energy to do so has been in short supply. When I wrote the original post in this thread I was really in a place of deep despair which I have not, thankfully stayed in. I think that I am in the midst of wrestling with letting go of so many of my...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Thank you all. I didn't really feel too much relief about being in one-on-one compared to group until today. Today was the last day of group therapy, and I felt a little guilty for it, but I had a major argument with my mother last night and even into this morning (all through emails), and I brought it up. Well, I wouldn't necessarily have brought it up on my own, but when the leaders went around to do check-ins and see what was going on with everyone, I was a little dodgy in my answer. They...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
Hi Dragonfly and WLOH, I'm sorry we must have cross-posted, I didn't see your replies until now, didn't mean to ignore you! dragonfly, I am certain that your T had a lovely chuckle about that, but in a "laughing with you" kind of way. Personally, I would LOVE to see someone imitating superman coming out of the bathroom, it would make my day. Of course, I'd probably run up to them saying "I have kryponite and I know how to use it!" As far as if he had seen me, I would have done what any...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
First of all, I just want to say that I am repeatedly shocked at the amount of support you all have offered me. If I'm being completely honest, I don't feel like I deserve it - having all of you support me in the negative feelings I have toward my mother feels like an ultimate betrayal. I mean, I technically know that I can't be totally unfounded in my feelings if I'm not being second-guessed on every corner, and I value each and every one of your responses SO much, but it's still tough to...
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Re: Define 'Disorganized Attachment', please?
Hi MTF, That's an amazing book but very heavy going. There were whole sections where I was gonzo confused and just moved on but there's a lot of really good information in there, especially the whole concept of mentalizing. Disorganized attachment is used to describe someone without a consistent attachment style. Sometimes they will use avoidant strategies and at other times behaviors associated with anxious attachment. In addition to both of those though, there is also a "freezing" or...
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Re: Define 'Disorganized Attachment', please?
Thanks, AG!! So I have felt both these extremes myself, just not to the extent that I have called my T multiple times between sessions, although I have wished I could!! My T is not really as generous about phone calls as your T, although I know she would call me back if I called her; she always does. I have a lot of shame about calling her. I also don't like her knowing that I have such a strong attachment to her and have yet to reveal my actual feelings in a session. She knows I have an...
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Re: Define 'Disorganized Attachment', please?
Hi MTF, It sounds like disorganized attachment to me because I've experienced all the feelings you're talking about. I cannot begin to tell you how hard my T worked to convince me that not only COULD I call but that it was theraputic to do so, that I needed to learn to ask for what I needed and experience it being met and also experience that there really was a dependable other I could trust. I was so desperate to not lose my T but was absolutely amazed at my creative abilities in finding...
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Re: Define 'Disorganized Attachment', please?
Hi All, I have a questions about attachment, or lack thereof. Last session, after recounting a conversation I had with my mother about my childhood, my T hypothesized that my mother lacked any kind of real desire, passion or joy in herself , that she was literally selfless , and therefor there was very little of that for me to connect with; very little there from which to build a healthy self of my own. So things like lots of eye contact, lots of laughing and smiling at and with each other,...
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Re: Friendship with therapist after therapy ends
Hi Vitaluna, Welcome to the forums! I know that the ethical code varies some depending on the licensure that one obtained, but I want to say that a general guideline is 2 years. It's been too long since I had that class (went to school to be a T, but never was). I can speak to this from a personal standpoint as well. I had a T in my early 20's and I saw her for several years. She was a great T and we had a great professional relationship. From time to time she told me that she was doing...
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Re: .
Oh Deepfried, I am not sure I can provide anything useful but I can really relate to most of what you have said….the feeling of a real connection with my T one minute and then the next (even in btw sessions when I have had no communication with her) I would feel a real disconnect. I am really sorry that you have had to deal with the anniversary of these sad events alone I remember going through the anniversary of a sad event and feeling like I couldn’t contact my T even though it was really...
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Re: Erotic Transference
Thanks for the responses! echo- in the past he would only get frustrated with details that were specific if I tried to talk to him about it outside of therapy. He has this big thing about me saying I love him or anything sexual outside of therapy, it all needs to be done within the therapy session where he can see how I am acting and know whether or not I am doing it to work on the issue or to get gratification out of it....which does make sense which is why I have not tried to contact him...
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Re: found new T who will work with me including last session with the counselor
Thanks both LL and Liese, Yes I am doing quite well, I do so much better when I am doing my meditation and mindfulness practice, which I am very strongly trained in. I feel in a good place right now, in that the small child issues and feelings are just not here, at ALL. I know they will come back once I start therapy again and yet I am hoping the no T T - because she is also buddhist trained, will REMIND me to use the vaster parts of the vast mind so that I do NOT get overwhelmed. I am still...
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Re: found new T who will work with me including last session with the counselor
Hi Sheychen... I somehow missed this thread yesterday but I am so pleased to hear that you seem to be doing well and that you will be seeing the no-tea T for at least 4 sessions to find out if you are a match. I think this is very good because there is no commitment and you have the time to explore the relationship. One of the Ts I saw prior to newT said this is what he does too. I saw him for 3 sessions and then left basically because of his limited availability (only 1 night per week) and...
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Re: todays session crap
Oh Frog ((((((((((( Frog )))))))))))))) Is there some way you can distract yourself? I’m so sorry you are struggling so much with the stuff that’s come up for you in your session - it’s so clear that telling your T about reading that book has hooked right into some pretty devastating memories for you. I know this is purely intellectual and right now your feelings and fears are the only truth - but can I say that from what you’ve said about your T’s reaction to your disclosure it’s pretty...
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Re: .
I dont think he's on vacation yet, since we would have had a session today if not for the snow, but even so he's never out of contact on vacation, even if he cant talk he'll will text me and let me know what time he can call me at.
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Re: Feeling Some Warmth
Thanks for all of your heartwarming respones to my post. I figured I shared enough of the really bad stuff with you all so you should hear something good for a change... and I'm happy I CAN post something positive for a change. Feeling this warmth is nice and maybe this is my own personal Christmas miracle! Mayo, that feeling of connection is really a good thing. DF... I think newT's open acknowledgement and understanding that I will need in between contact makes it so much easier to call or...
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Re: Feeling Some Warmth
Thanks Draggers. Well at least the tears are joyful ones! Yes, you told me and it was hard to hear and hard to hang in there. And I'm not saying everything is rosy, happy and bliss. I am saying I can see some hope here and that this newT is not as cold and detached as I feared he would be and also that he is nice and very smart and really wants to help me. That combined with outside contact, an office close to me, and his taking my insurance adds up to a really good thing. I just hope as we...
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Re: ...
My T is probably in his mid-50's...always very sharply dressed, not suit and tie, but usually nice slacks and either sweater or button up....I too think that he is a very nice looking man, but really don't feel any transference like that for him, just sayin. When I do make occasional eye contact with him, I suppose it does help that he is easy on my eyes! Wouldn't trade him for the world.
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Re: ...
LG this is such a fascinating thread. Both of my male Ts are in their 50's. I think it's a good age because they have a lot of experience (or should have!) and they are not so old to be near retirement. Anyway, that is my take on the age factor. First ... oldT... there is nothing that logically would attract me to someone like him. He is not my usual "type" of guy. When I first met him I was like.... gee I wish he were better looking" LOL. Famous last words. Everytime I saw him he just got...
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Re: ...
Hello Kashley, Monte, STRM, Jones, SG and LadyGrey Thank you for responding to my rant!! and thank you for your kind words Unfortunately I deleted my post so proof is gone!! Yes I am feeling sensitive but always walk away and check several times to see if my heads on backwards and am in the wrong place Clearly I am and also not - it's only natural that even though we all communicate via the word that natural likes and dislikes can arise - I accept that but ouch, it hurts when one is so often...
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Re: need support *trigger***
I'm freaking out so much right now this probably sounds more confusing and dramatic than it actually is. I think we just had two totally different understandings of what was going on. At first when i told him that even though i was so mad i felt like i didnt want to see him again, I wanted to get another opinion and disscuss some issues that i had about our relationship with someone else, and to that he said that it would be best if we could have a final session but if not then best of life...
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Re: need support *trigger***
Oh Mac I am SO sorry this happened to you. It should never happen to anyone. You know that I know VERY well how this makes you feel and how devastated and crazy it makes you feel. I understand the shock and the disbelief and the bewilderment of trying to understand what happened and why. How did this person you trusted and respected could be so cruel and harsh. It is especially difficult when they don't give you a genuine and authentic answer and BS you about stuff so you just go away and...
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Re: need support *trigger***
So my T has been texting me these really short messages saying things like "are you going to hurt yourself?" "are you in a safe place?" "answer yes or no in the next 2 minutes" and i keep trying to say over and over again i FEEL suicidial because of you leaving me NOT that im going to actually do anyhting. i told him i was with my mom, but then she had to go, then the next text after that was "do you have a plan" and i replied yes, i have 2. then he asked if i have what i need to carry the...
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Re: need support *trigger***
* * ****************TRIGGER: Sex talk ***** * * I’ll try and make sense of this, even though it’s really confusing to me too right now! Okay so, our first session after winter break was January 4th. I had some really difficult things happen over that break; I decided to go on a date with a guy and just give him a shot even though I figured it would be a waste of time. We met at a bookstore, got coffee, then we went on another date in the city which was very fun, everything seemed really...
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Re: need support *trigger***
Thank you AG, draggers, LL, and Pan. I think I might try and bring up doing the programs at the center that the other therapist suggested. I just looked at their website again to make sure I remebered clearly and it says under the "who we can help" section those who think that their current therapy would be enhanced by our services. And then also under "who we can't help" it says that none of their therapist offer outside contact, and if you think that you need a therapist who offers this...
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Re: need support *trigger***
Mac, I don't understand how this new place can offer DBT and EMDR for trauma....but they don't want to work with people who need outside contact?! It seems to me they are working with the wrong population to have that kind of a policy in place!
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Re: new here and need some shoulders to lean on
Hi montanagrl First of all, I just want to say welcome! I'm in the states - and it's good to connect from the other side of the planet. I'm glad you are here. I have friends who live or have lived in other non-western countries and yeah, in different cultures they have really different attitudes about therapy. In my area here in the u.s., they even have therapists who specialize in helping people from other countries adjust to life in the states - at one clinic I found an article about a...
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Re: .
PF, OK, I finally made it back. First off, I want to say that I thought STRM's answer was spot on, and that part of the problem is that you are sensing a lack of attunement from your T. The angle I was going to come from, at least partially because I had discussed it in depth that day with my T, was about how therapy, no matter how perfectly the T is doing it, is still NOT enough. BUT and this is a big but, there are things that a T needs to provide in order for you to heal. So I see two...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
I ran into my old psychiatrist twice. Once I saw him at a coffee shop. We made eye contact but I realized that he was with a patient there so I walked away. I also saw him outside a grocery store near his office. He saw me but when I said, "Hi" he ignored me and walked right past. I didn't bring it up. Anyway, I didn't like him. I have a new psychotherapist now who is really brilliant. His office is right near a lot of my hang-outs so I wouldn't be surprised to see him. I would definitely...
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Re: confronting shame (updated)
some more thinking and processing through shame: I just read something about shame being an interalization of anger and something else saying shame is a defence mechanism to prevent from feeling anger, the need for contact with others, and vulnerability... hmm... it makes sense to me on an emotional level that when I feel more shame, it's harder to feel anger. It makes sense on an intellectual and emotional level that shame is anger turned in - as my inner self critic feeds my shame. I get...
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Re: confronting shame (updated)
Wow, that makes a TON of sense. My T theorizes that a heavily dissociate anger (and some other things, but especially anger). I am pretty much only capable of directing it inwardly and there is a part of me that I have very little influence over who spends a good portion of my worst days berating me and suggesting ways I can punish myself to make up for being so needy and disgusting. Other than irritation/frustration (like dealing with my toddler throwing a fit), I can't really get angry at...
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Re: T
STRM thanks for suggesting my thread to Butterfly. I was thinking the same thing. I have really had some struggles with coming to terms with doing therapy all over again with my new T but I have found a small space where I can settle for now in knowing that it's okay and will never be exactly like my first therapy because I have changed. I'm not that same person I was... for better or worse... I have learned a lot from therapy... not all good. But I have come to realize that my new T will...
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Re: In One Word...
Today is ON EDGE (yeah, OK, two words). ...because I can't stop projecting all these horrible thoughts about me onto T from the texts I had to send him. And it makes me want to contact him more, but that will make it worse, but not contacting leaves me with this pressure inside. And I had a nightmare last night about how meaningless I am to him. And I have a new childcare client starting Monday, so I have to do a deep cleaning today. And I'm on HOA board secretary and meeting notes are a...
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Re: Do you have P.A.D.??
I'm here, I'm here! We can howl together...awoooo! I forgot to tell STRMS that I loved her candid reply and it helped me a lot! Monte, on the topic of touch- I'm gonna be really honest. It is NOT a taboo topic, but a necessary and enlightening one. I personally find it really triggery when I choose to read about it simply because of my situation in therapy, where I am deprived of all physical contact, even the simple act of being in the room with my T or being able to look him in the eye.