Tagged With "Stuck Feeling"
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Re: So lost
Hello i'm glad that you have taken the chance to reach out for help like this! I wish i could read all of your post and take it all in but unable.. i will briefly leave just what crossed my mind when I read it.. My first thoughts are soinds like you have a ton of depression going on and the negative voice in the head slamming you with all that negative self talk that comes from all those nasty things that happen in the past that seem to stick with us (core beliefs). Your boyfriend is being...
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Re: New Here : )
Hi BlahBlahBlah, Welcome! Just the fact that you posted is a huge step towards your healing! Yes, we all have awful scary days. In my case more than i'd like. Dark thoughts, uncomfortable feelings and it's definitely not easy learning to cope with this. The fact that you're 18 and already aknowledged what's going on will help you find yourself in a better place so much sooner than most people! There is something you mentioned but didn't really go deeper in: your eating disorder. I can relate...
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Re: New Here : )
Hi BlahBlahBlah! I'm glad you posted (and I really like your name)! I hope you can stick around awhile if you like it here. You know what's funny about your above statement??? I could have written the SAME thing and it would be very, very true for me; especially at your age (I'm just about 4 years older than you). I know how very hard it can be to live with someone like your mother... almost toxic in my experience. It's almost like living in another world i think... any plans to move out now...
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Re: New Here : )
It used to be that I was sure that any feelings I thought I had were "wrong" in the sense that I couldn't know what they were, so if I told anyone, they would correct me. In this way, I had a terrible time talking about my feelings because I was so sure I'd be wrong. Not wrong as in bad, but wrong as if I told someone that the value of PI is 4. For me, it just took a lot of time, and small steps. I tell my P about something I was feeling, and he reacted positively, and so I felt encouraged...
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Re: Rejected
Hi, No explanation was really given other than he thought I probably didn't need to come anymore because I'd probably gained enough - that was it! Nothing else was said. And, no I have never seen a therapist before. I'm a pretty reserved kind of person so I feel really embarrassed that I revealed so much about myself personally and emotionally, then was pretty much shown the door.
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
I've been wondering too! I'm one of those people who read the forums here daily because I get so much out of them... but I rarely post myself. I just don't have the time but more importantly I don't feel I have the insight to contribute. I really miss Attachment Girl's posts - she always had a wonderful way with her words. I'm also missing "Just Me' and "Russ". Where are you all?? Please come back and let us know how you are all going. Cheers! I'm Ok
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Re: Rejected
Well, when it happened I did contemplate going back to talk to him about it. But I felt that he seemed annoyed with me for whatever reason plus he'd said that he didn't think I really needed to go back. So, I think I would just feel like a real nuisance showing up or even calling and saying why did you say that, etc.
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Re: Rejected
Rachel, I can't imagine how painful this must have been for you. I think sometimes therapists underestimate the power they have in our lives. I agree with Jo, that it sounds like it was about him, not about you, but it's probably difficult for you to see that right now, or that he might have thought that you were sending him the message that you thought you were done. IMO, he didn't handle it correctly in either case. You deserve more than this. I hope that you are able to take care of...
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Re: Trouble in Therapy
It's always the first time that's the hardest. Think about learning a new skill. The first time you try to make it to the goal, it takes FOREVER. There are many trials and errors; many stops and starts. You have to be persistent. Then, you make it! You tell yourself, I can do it again. So, you try again. This time, there are still a lot of trials and errors and stops and starts, but you make it again. The next time, there are fewer trials and errors and stops and starts. Soon, you can make...
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Re: Trouble in Therapy
Wow - very wise words and good insight. I never would have thought about it like that. I will have to keep reminding myself of that. It is just so discouraging sometimes - I don't even trust her enough to take my coat off after a year and a half - I need it for protection - but in the summer it is so freakin! hot that I just melt into a puddle when I'm there. Thanks so very much for your responses.
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
Y'all know how to make a girl feel loved! I'm really sorry for the disappearing act, I've really felt bad about it, especially considering how consistently I have been supported and encouraged here. It was a combo of a full release at work, my oldest daughter graduating from HS (her graduation party is on Sat and we're expecting 50 people) and doing some VERY deep grieving work in therapy. I just turned incredibly inward and between trying to handle therapy and my life, there wasn't much...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
AG, Don't feel bad. No worries. Just glad you're okay. Good to see you. catgirl
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
Catgirl, You're being way TOO understanding, I'd feel better if you yelled at me just a little. (Thank you for being too understanding!) OW, Nice woodwork isn't it! Good to hear from you too!!
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Re: Rejected
I also second the idea of talking to him even if it is only once or seeing someone else if that seems easier. I think it is very hard to know what your T is thinking if you don't ask. Maybe he thought you weren't interested in continuing because of your reserve or the fact you asked how often you should come. When I had been seeing my T for about 3 months, we had a conversation about whether it was helping and if I should quit (I didn't want to but I thought he wanted me to) and at one point...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
Summer, That's wonderful to hear! And I totally agree except take out the "again." I finally feel like I'm myself if that makes any sense. And you're right, it's very wonderful. Hi whereamI and thanks so much for saying hi! Thanks also for your very kind words. I'm looking forward to getting to know you. AG
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Re: EMDR?
Thanks Shrinklady! It's good to be back around, especially because everyone is making me feel very welcome back. That's awesome that Robin will be writing an article for the site, she's a very clear teacher and its a topic she knows really well. A webinar would be awesome! I'd say "eh" but my Canadian accent is terrible! AG
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Re: EMDR?
I have yet to introduce myself but I want to say that I really appreciate reading the interaction on this site. Trauma therapy is an arduous and lonely process and I need the support right now more than ever. I have used EMDR with my T on a few occasions and found it amazing. I prefer she tap on my knees with my eyes closed than to follow her finger with my eyes open; the visual technique is too distracting for me. I would like to try an auditory option but have not addressed that with her...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
AG ... you can add me to the list of people thrilled to see you here posting again. Your words have always helped me. Hi River...nice to see you again too. I'm sorry you are struggling now but please know we are here if you need us and we understand. As for me... I've been away on vacation and then returned home with a bad case of bronchitis and have not really felt well enough to post. I even had to postpone a therapy session and I NEVER do that. I was just coughing too much and had no...
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Re: Does anyone know where attachment girl went?
TN, BTW, I know how you feel with the coughing/bronchitis thing. I recently had pneumonia. It's so energy-consuming to be sick. My T always reminds me that we have plenty of time, and to know that it will be okay, that we will work through my stuff. So, that's what I want to remind you of right now. Right now, you need to focus on regaining your energy. The other stuff will come in its own time. catgirl
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Re: Checking in after a long break
SB, it's not that the voice - which is my own but always says things to me as "you" - is all that clear. I mean it's clear enough, but it's not a yelling, screaming thing, and sometimes it's just a word or an image that flashes into my mind. So, whenever this happens, it's not myself saying, "I am this or I am that," it's always, "you are this or you are that." So, it might say, "you are worthless" and I'll respond by saying, "hmmm, that's odd. I don't feel worthless. Maybe you're just a...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
hey CT, TN, AG and everybody. Thanks so much for all the replies. One thing is clear; that part of me - the harsh inner critic - is extremely strong. My T feels that despite it's hateful, sadistic voice, it is there to tell me something. It's not there just to be hateful and sadistic just because it can. He said that setting up a confrontational relationship with it isn't doing me any good. I think this is true since just telling that part of me to shut the hell up doesn't really do...
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Re: Checking in after a long break
I would like to second CG's thought here! I have a similar experience when trying to get through the anger and negativity. I think I've said in on here before, but this is what my t said to me once (and I'm definitely paraphrasing): Think about it like this. What does a young child do when he's angry? He strikes out with the most hurtful thing he can think of: I HATE YOU! I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE! YOU'RE STUPID! I'M NEVER GONNA TALK TO YOU AGAIN! But when young child is that...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hi Timbo, Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you felt comfortable to ask your question. I think you're in the middle of a very complicated situation. It sounds like your girlfriend and her daughter are very emeshed and neither of them is in any rush to end that. When someone grows up in an abusive, dysfunctional family they are often driven (very unconsciously) to repeat the trauma. As horrible as the abuse is, it's still at least familiar. Your girlfriend marrying someone like her abusive dad...
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Re: EMDR?
Hey butterfly! I am not sure. I think you used to post here? Or did you change your ID? Anyway I think I remember you and am glad you are here. Good to see you too AG! I meant to comment in the thread where I asked about you but times have been rough and though I have looked in on this board I mostly didn't feel I could respond to ayone. I had a rough couple of weeks. EMDR My new T tried it with me but I think I didn't know her well enough and she zeroed in on one of the most stressful...
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Re: EMDR?
Hi you all, this is a great topic. I'd also be glad to read something about EMDR by Robin...that'd be cool. When I first shut down and stopped working they gave me ECT treatments. It was only 8 weeks into my depression and they gave me 24 in a row. It fried my memory and I feel grateful to still have enough brain power to function. I wondered if I'd be able to do school but seems that I can. I would never recommend it. I fought against my clients having ECT and lost... I have had some EMDR...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi flicka, I'm sorry you decided to retract your post and that you feel like you weren't able to express your opinion safely. I am not sure I read the post you're talking about, I certainly haven't seen anything I found hurtful or demeaning. I am sure that whatever it was you wrote, you were more than entitled to write it. You were speaking from your own experiences and who am I or anyone to cast judgement on that? Your experiences are real and even though some people may not...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
I completely flubbed up when trying to identify some of my feelings as transference recently (it was projection) and so my T explained what his understanding of the term is. He said that transference is when you have feelings directed at someone because they remind you of someone else in some fashion, and your feelings are unwarranted. So, by his definition, the vast majority of my feelings towards him are not transference. Just thought I'd throw that out there. I agree that not everyone...
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Re: Why I retracted my Post
Hi Flicka, I did get a chance to see your post on transference, etc. and I found it very interesting...I'm sorry you erased it...I hope you don't feel discouraged from posting in the future...I find your thoughts interesting...mlc
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG, I've read about the love-hate flip-flop and I've never really experienced it the way I've read about it. I don't so much hate my T as worry that he isn't the person I thought he was. I have definitely experienced getting very angry and/or upset with him on numerous occasions when he didn't do anything wrong. The first time I ever told him I was angry at him was because he canceled a couples appt at the last minute (8:30 AM for a 5:30 PM) and I just assumed that it was some kind of...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG... first I wanted to say hi and welcome because I don't think we have chatted yet. I haven't been around lately because I've been doing some seriously heavy therapy and had no energy to post. I did want to say that i've been reading your posts and I can see that you are working very hard in your therapy and that you have good insight. I have a very good ability to assign hateful thoughts to my T. He commented just today how good I am at deciding for him what he is thinking . Today I...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Your responses help a TON...thanks, HB, AG and True North! I'll respond more later, but I've GOT to get some sleep *yawn* it's late! SG p.s. No hurry, HB...I didn't feel "forgotten"!
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Okay, folks, this is a huge post, processing what you said. So I’ll start out by saying THANK YOU for your responses. It is so encouraging and helps so much to sort out what is going on, so I have some hope of discussing this with my T and making some sense. I never would have stayed in therapy to this point without you. Thank you!!! AG, Thank you, AG! This is what I was trying to say. You said it perfectly. But then I go even further and imagine the creep he might actually be. And I get...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Again first off I have to say thanks SG and AG for sharing your thoughts. While I don't think I have had hate feeling as such towards my T...he did mention to me a few sessions ago how he noticed I had been angry with him for a while. Part of me was shocked as I hadn't said anything along those lines to him and felt bad that he got this impression of me as I'm so crazy about him. But he was right. I was annoyed that he didn't save me and rescue me from the hurt and pain that I was feeling. I...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
SG, I know that can feel really weird and kind of scary, but that's the Ts job, not to take it personally. I can remember apologizing to my T for being so suspicious of him when he had never given me any reason to be, in fact, quite the opposite. He, very gently, kept telling me that he understood, based on my experiences, why I would be so suspicious and need so much reassurance, that he didn't take it personally. There was one time (and trust me, I still flinch when I remember saying it)...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi AG, Thanks for everything you said. I very much appreciate you sharing your experiences in therapy. I definitely have the feeling of “waiting for him to hurt me” and knowing that this will “end badly”. I admire you for being strong enough to stick with it and tell him about it. And I admire your T for handling it so well. I haven’t talked much to my T yet about the legacy of incest in my family. There was overt incest in both my father and mother’s families of origin. My mother’s family...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Dear Strummer Girl, Yes, I think it is possible to like your T too much, so that you just can't move forward, even though they are keeping the boundries. I think that is what is happening to me--I find myself trying to say all the "right' things and not really letting the real me show through--warts and all. This happened with my previous T, and I think I stopped growing when I realized that I idealized her. She kept good boundries, so it was not her fault. I told her that I never expected...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Lunabright...it helps. And welcome to the board! SG
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Re: Effexor
Hi all....slightly off topic post but just wondering if any of you have had any experience with Lexapro? I was prescribed it 3 months ago (10mg) dose. I've come to the end of the course now and after discussing it with my T he recommended going up a dosage for now. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Though my T does seem to be quite wary of giving anti-D's the ok so I think he's not taking the decision lightly.
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Re: Stormy Piano Player
Hi, I thought the Stormy Piano Player was a pretty cool movie clip...so I ordered the movie and had 6 people over for pizza last night and we watched it. My family has a piano business and my grandfather, father and my brother were/are piano tuners....pianos and piano playing makes me feel comfortable and at home. We had an eventful evening because my TV bit the dust just as we got the movie going. We had to stop it and one friend and i ran to Walmart where I bought a new flat screen TV...
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Re: Stormy Piano Player
Shrinklady......you are the first person to tell me watching TV and movies bothers you too. SO, I am not alone on planet earth with my emotional reactions! It's interesting to hear you say you don't think watching more TV could help train the brain to handle emotional intensity.....it certainly doesn't feel like the right thing to do for me, so maybe I should trust myself a little more rather than accept everything I am told? I got so I couldn't watch anything on TV, safe or not.....I...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S, Welcome to the forums! You've come to a good place to get info on your problem, there are a number of people dealing with the issue, myself included. Sorry about the delay in replying, lots going on with a getting triggered by my first going off to college. Since the subject of erotic transference has been widely discussed on this site, I'm going to point you to few links I found helpful on other sites, good topics to read on the forum, and a couple of book suggestions. That's not to...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S, I know how you feel as I've felt quite obsessive about my therapist for a while now and have actually talked to him about it. I was shocked recently when I realized that I had actually gone a number of hours without thinking about him, I'm choosing to take that as a hopeful sign! S, there is something very important to understand about this. It's not a matter of her having any interest, it's about what's best for you. If she does not maintain those boundaries, then therapy can't...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
I believe I understand all of this. And yet that understanding has no impact on the incredible pain I feel. The "it's for my own good" rationalle seems lost on me. But I suppose it does not matter because none of this will change anyway. Now in addition to the pain I have always felt and been driven by over my childhood, I have a new and even more intense pain called erotic transference. Great. The cure (therapy) to me feels worse than the disease (childhood issues of emotional abuse.) Like...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S, Do you mind if I go one more round with you on this? I am in no way trying to denigrate or minimize your feelings and the pain you're in. I have experienced exactly what you're talking about and understand the depth of despair and crippling pain you're talking about. BUT I have also been experiencing working through that pain and alleviating it, so I wanted to just share a few things with you from my experience in case they might help you. Part of what makes this so difficult is that...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S. Like a lot of threads on here I have been reading and paying close attention to your issues but have not had a chance and sometimes the right words to post a reply. I am so sorry for your pain. By what you describe I don't think what I feel is as bad but I think that is because I never really got to address the transference feelings. They were mentioned but never discussed. Like I said before, it was referred to as dependency rather than transference, almost like it was something more...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Summer, Thanks for your reply...I understand this at a cognitive level, but the pain is just too much. I feel that if she felt love in return for me that this boundary BS would be irrelevant. The pain of not having my love returned and of being no more than her patient 50-100 minutes a week sears my heart. It is more than I can bear. It actually feels like in addition to the pain that brought me into therapy, I now have a new, even worse pain. Wonderful. I just hurt so much I can hardly take...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi S and welcome to the Board. You are not ranting you are in pain and for that I'm sorry. I've been there and I still am there at times. I just wanted to comment on something. You say if your T really loved you the boundary BS would be irrelevant. But it is precisely because your T cares for you that she is keeping and holding those boundaries. This is her way of putting YOU first and keeping you safe enough to do what you need to do in therapy. It's actually quite unselfish caring on her...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
Hi JAW, welcome to the forum, I'm glad you decided to post and say hi. I'm really glad that you feel like you've found place where what you're feeling can be understood and that you can feel at home. For so many of us dealing with this stuff, that understanding and acceptance can be really helpful. I am sorry to hear that it validates destructive thoughts though as I wouldn't want you to think that ANYTHING justifies hurting yourself. I hope you'll be able to talk about what you're feeling...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
AG, TN, Summer, S, What a hard thread to read! I can hardly stand the thoughts in my head and the torrent of emotions they stir. I can understand the rational for transference therapy but my heart feels deeply betrayed. Death is more inviting than to imagine anyone thinking I have some unconscious longing or desire for my therapist! I wish I had the words to explain how strongly I feel about this possibility. I did not sign up for this! I was not told by my T that the therapeutic...
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Re: Erotic Transference PAIN
AG wrote: Earlier, I read how we are unable to think clearly while we are reacting emotionally. My last post is certainly embarrassing evidence of that truth. I am less emotional now and, hopefully, thinking more clearly. What I am learning from that outburst is how deeply afraid I am to face the truth of what is emerging from my repressed and/or dissociated memories. I am at least equally afraid that my T will leave me (physically or emotionally) to face those memories alone. I have no hard...