Hi True North, I have been lurking on the forums for a while but your post resonated with me so much that I had to register and reply... I am currently exploring the whole inner child issue in therapy. My T recommended reading Homecoming by John Bradshaw and I duly devoured the book in no time. I totally understood the theory as he explained it about the wounded inner children inside us who affect our behaviour and thoughts as adults. I identified with the behaviour patterns he described and...

Thank you somedays! I know what you mean about John Bradshaw....he plain scared me and made me angry. I think I may have been willing to try the meditation and affirmation thing if I could do it with my T actually holding me and keeping me safe as he describes in the book, but I've been to scared to ask if she would do that or if boundaries means she can't. I think the answer will be no and it is far too scary still to try alone at the moment, even if I could get past the cringe factor!! I...

Hey Green Eyes, There are books like you and Draggers mentioned (Bradshaw and Whitfield) that were useful to some extent. I think they both key in a lot on dysfunctional family dynamics and intergenerational legacies. As I have journeyed into the wounded inner child work, some books that have helped me tremendously are: * Emotionally Absent Mother, Jasmin Cori (lots on attachment, what a good mother and EAM looks like, working through healing with a chapter on inner child work...excellent...

Hey GreenEyes I've done a lot of inner child work, and come through the other side...it's not easy, in fact it was heartbreakingly agonising. I found Bradshaw really irritating. He knows his stuff but I just felt patronised and kind of "icky" reading it. However I really found Robert Burney's work helpful. He's written Codependence:the dance of wounded souls and Codependency Recovery:wounded souls dancing in the light. He also has a website with lots of stuff from his books in it. I think...

Morning Peeps – Yesterday I received an email from oldT. I’d requested a 2013 statement for my taxes and she replied that she’d send one as soon as possible. I hadn’t been sure she’d respond, and seeing her name pop up in my email sent 10,000 volts of memory and pain through me. In an instant, I was sobbing. Strobe lights of rejection pummeled my heart, memories so fresh, they might have happened yesterday. Through tears, I tapped a text to T. She tapped back: try to keep your power; don’t...

((((RT))))) New T sounds amazing! What a difference a T can make. I'm jealous. That sounds lovely.

Morning Peeps – “When you learn how to reparent yourself, you will stop attempting to complete the past by setting up others to be your parents.” - John Bradshaw, Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. Wow! These words send a flush of recognition through my body. How many times have I done that? For sure with every therapist – and a handful of other people too. How many times has it been successful? Zero. Nada. Zip. Desires, needs, longings of my wounded little girl?

Thanks Liese. I don't agree with 100% of what Bradshaw writes, but most of it is spot on! -RT

I believe in Inner Child work, and the John Bradshaw books, but I do wish my T would stop hiding behind it to avoid my transference feelings for her. It's always how I can be a better mother for my inner kid. I'm just screaming for a chance to talk to T about my feelings for her, not the child, for a change. I just don't think transference should be ignored, It's become like the elephant in the room, and I'm about ready to say to T I don't want to hear another word about me being a good...

Hi incognito...I'm glad you are out today with a friend and doing something wonderful and fun. It's good to have a different kind of day sometimes and hopefully it will help you get some clarity and calm from yesterday. I think you have a very good T and I think you know that too, otherwise you would have left him long ago. He does make mistakes at times like all Ts do... more like missteps or misjudgements than outright mistakes. I think he tripped over his feet yesterday but he righted...

Hi, wondering if anyone has worked explicitly with this concept with their T and if anyone can recommend some good books on the subject? John Bradshaw seems to have written a lot but not sure how useful they are. Thanks

The visibility thing. . . I don't feel like I have to know all of the answers, but I have a different visibility issue. It has to do with shame and vulnerability. When I feel vulnerable, I feel an overwhelming sense of shame (I think it's all wrapped up in not getting my needs met when I was little, I would have needs, feel vulnerable because I had needs, and not get them met and feel shameful that I had needs. I then associated vulnerability with shame.). I don't want anyone to see me. In...

WOW Catwoman, I can relate totally!!! I hide behind my hair. I must look a mess when I cry because my hair is stuck to my face but I am too afraid of sounding weird should I ask him to look away. I wish that he would. I have no problems anywhere else -- I don't mind looking people in the eye but in those session, whew! It's terrifying. I've read the Bradshaw book -- in fact, my first therapist worked with his clients using Shame Therapy (I guess that's what it's called). I know that a lot of...

Queen Grey, I'm glad to find a fellow hider! I'm also glad someone else has read the Bradshaw book. What did you think of it? I am feeling quite calm. It's pretty nice for a change. I think my meds are really working. Also, I know my T is back from her trip, and I get to see her on Monday! I'm glad that you find my posts helpful. I find pretty much everything on this site and forum to be helpful. I'm so glad that I found it!

CG & IHTS I get this -- the fundamentalist crap was shoved down my throat via TBN -- did anyone else have family that loved this TV station? It was out to extort the public of mucho cash but Mom loved it. I, too, was led to believe that being authentic was sinful and now I meet some of the criteria for borderline personality disorder. I don't, however, rage and get out of control -- I internalize my anger and have a two pain conditions, one that is rare, both are untreatable (I just have...

CT, Sorry you had such a rough session. I hope it provides some healing. As kids, we blame ourselves when our parents can't meet our needs. It's safer to think that there's something wrong with us than that there's something wrong with them. If there's something wrong with them, then they might not be able to take care of us. If they can't take care of us, we're helpless. So, if they can't meet our needs, it must be because we are somehow worthless, disgusting, stupid, you-name-it. This...

Liese, I'm not sure what school of thought inner child work comes from. My T is psychodynamic and follows Kohut, Gill and some of the other psychoanalysts. I think inner child work comes from working in healing trauma because we usually split off that younger part of us during an abusive or traumatic childhood. I just found a bunch of stuff on Youtube on John Bradshaw who writes on this topic and I have not listened to them yet but I'm going to and then discuss it further with my T. TN