Tagged With "forum rules"
Reply
Re: So lost
Hi SD ~ Welcome , A year ago I was where you are . Same sort of symptoms; Difficulties at work (work was actually the catalyst), relationship issues to the point of a seperation being suggested by my partner, I was extremely moody, had anxiety attacks, and severe depressive behaviors (crying, confused, sleeping, self loathing). It took me a couple of months before I woke up one mornign and said what you have "I want to be ME again", so I went to the dr. She did some bloodwork/tests to rule...
Reply
Re: into the breach
Jones, this sounds familiar. I am feeling hostile right now, mostly about the boundaries though. But even though I can express it here on the forum, I hold back when I am in session. The anger just goes temporarily underground. It's not like I consciously try to block it out. Last session I actually did the opposite; I consciously tried to hold onto the anger, but I only retained a piece of it. I think I must be afraid to feel anger in her presence - afraid the consequences will be...
Reply
Re: Define 'Disorganized Attachment', please?
Hi Russ, Sounds like you're in a bad spot, and since I can completely identify with you here I wanted to reply. I know the cold mother story myself, and the "problem of love". My T had me get a book right at the start of therapy called "Reinventing Your Life". It's CBT based and talks about 'lifetraps' we set for ourselves based on how we learned to cope with life as children as we dealt with the life we were subjected to. In the book there's a chapter called "The Emotional Deprivation...
Reply
Re: Friendship with therapist after therapy ends
Wow, you're all so helpful! Thank you very much. Here's my story: I started seeing my T in September of last year. I'd never been to therapy before, but I was feeling more depressed than ever before and was ready to try anything. In the beginning I had my doubts that it would be helpful, but soon I could see that it WAS doing good things for me. I still felt depressed though, and after a few months, I asked my primary care doc to put me on an anti-depressant. He did as I requested, and it's...
Reply
Re: TRIGGER WARNING!!!!! Discussing sex in therapy
maclove, i didn't know you were so young. i have a 13 and 15 yo boys, and i appreciate what you said. our house rule is not one on one dating til 16, but, 16 will come. i admire SO MUCH you keeping yourself w/o sex for seven months. GO GIRL!! you will never regret that decision. your closing tag is so mature...just didn't know you were so young. sounds like your t is really good for you. and is helping you know how random sex makes you feel, i have somewhat been there/done that, and i know a...
Reply
Re: thanks, internal saboteur
Thanks guys, DF, PF, BF & Froggy - you all rule. DF, you're the sweetest thing. I care about you too. I'm having a bit of whiplash now, I feel really exhausted. Trying to prepare to go away on holiday tomorrow and I feel really tweaked. I guess I really had to hold off thinking about that appointment because I didn't want to enter into all this roller-coaster stuff and now here it comes. I've been cycling through everything that was said and just, I don't know, *reacting*. Sadness, shock...
Reply
Re: Meltdown City :'(
(((Liese))) Thanks for sending hugs and checking in on my thread even though it's so hard to read anything right now. (((TN))) Yeah, I know you understand what I'm feeling. I'm not angry or upset about the new place. There are some things I am excited about, like having a yard with fruit trees that Boo can run around in. Or the garage that means we can store stuff outside of the living area. Or even just the fact that if something breaks, we are not responsible to fix it or to pay some...
Reply
Re: Shameful Memories
Hi Ang! I don't think we've met, but I hope it's okay that I chime in here. I do share shameful/graphic things with my T, but I generally do it in writing. I write, and then she reads while we are in session, and she responds (adhering the strict rule that she is not to directly quote anything I have written because it is very upsetting to me). I've been with her for 6 years, and I still have a very difficult time actually talking about too much detail unless she intiates it. For some...
Reply
Re: Will they call?
Going on a long break, I asked my T to contact me, once in a while, because I wanted to be sure she was still there. She said no: I can contact her and she will reply, but it's my job to ask first, to "make her be there", acting otherwise would foster my already blooming dependence. Half of me is hurt: isn't it precisely what hurts me, that you have to deserve people's attention, to work for it, their care is only there as long as I do what they want me to do, therefore, it's not really...
Reply
Re: Will they call?
Hey TAS, I so understand your struggle. Old T used to contact me if I didn't show up. I rarely did that, so I assumed it was out of genuine care (her worrying I may be sick or got in an accident or who knows what....same reasons we all worry when people who are consistent do something inconsistent)and maybe it depends on the T. I did get into a habit of missing a lot of appointments during a point in time when I was using drugs and really didn't give a sh*** about anything. She didn't call...
Reply
Re: Rules for A Therapist
No worries, AG. I saw the first part of your post in my email notification. I thought about what you wrote - about being unregulated at the end of a session... needing a little more time... so the "rule" about starting sessions on time may be too restrictive. I don't mind your challenge to that, because really what I'm trying to get at is that there are expectations. Some are absolute - like don't f*ck the client. Some need to be negotiated - like what happens when the therapist needs to run...
Reply
Re: Limits
(((GE)))) I also wanted to mention something about what you said here: Recently I told my T that his non-disclosure rule was cruel. He said he was sorry that I saw it that way but he feels it's necessary to keep himself out of the room. I get this on the one hand but the whole blank slate thing causes me to project all kinds of negative stuff onto T. He was kind of complaining to me because I had hit a patch of insecurity recently. I think he was feeling a bit burnt out. I KNOW he was...
Reply
Re: I don't know what's wrong. :(
(((Amber))) (((turtle))) I am terrified of phone calls. I've only successfully done it once when I literally could not get an answer back about a scheduling time for a session later that day. We do text, but lately he is answering those less, acknowledges them in session, but doesn't reply so much. Since I have already texted him several times since Fri night with no reply at all, it feels impossible to reach out anymore without feeling wrong, bad, like I'm violating some new rule or...
Reply
Re: Dream
TAS, here is my opportunity to follow my new "read everything three times before posting rule" for the first time. ***I read your dream 3 times, TAS!*** I think it is awesome. My take on it: The "stuff" in the room is your stuff-- emotions, memories, psychological baggage of all kinds. In the dream, you feel it's presence in the room as crowding, overwhelming, derailing your ability to focus. The DADDY card might be indicative of paternal transference with your T. I loved how he said...
Reply
Re: Do they care?
I have only had a total of 17 therapists working with me over the last 10 years. Most of them were male. Every single one of them have told me that they keep the boundaries for our safety but that it would be much easier to be able to break those boundaries. It would be easier to be friends with the patients they want to be friends with cause they have some patients they have a lot in common with and would love to spend time outside of the therapy room with. And another reason I know this is...
Reply
Re: Passive Dependence? What is it really?
Hey Russ, Yeah, I'd be angry too with all that investment and little progress. Do you mind if I go out on a limb here? I don't really know your situation, how this works or where I got the information - but I want to tell you a little snippet that changed things a bit for me and that your situation brings to mind. I read somewhere on the web about the association between thought patterns and emotional response. The article said it generally took a certain amount of time - a minute or so,...
Reply
Re: Passive Dependence? What is it really?
Hi AG! You're insights are always great, but this was almost creepy, it was so right on the money. Your description of the chaotic progress very much applies to me. I mean, there IS progress, but I'm never, ever satisfied with it. It's never enough, so I tend to gloss over it completely because, even on my 'good' days, I still don't have the taste and texture of the experience of life that I used to have, and that makes me really angry. I totally relate to the 'how much therapy does one...
Reply
Re: Struggling
This is really interesting. I sometimes feel as if I shouldn't post about my experiences with my T because they are nearly always very positive and she is incredibly supportive and we have a good relationship. And I figure that must be hard for others to read if they are struggling with their relationships with their Ts, so it was helpful to hear LL you say that sometimes that can be helpful to read positive experiences, to help you learn about what it's possible to get from therapy. I do...
Reply
Re: Took a Risk... now Feeling Scared
TN, I can't write much now, but I think that fact the you told him about your dating history is a great progress. I have something of that sort to tell yet, but I am not quite ready. This is something very important and I think it is good that you revealed it. It is something very personal and that's why we go there, to tell stuff we wouldn't tell anybody else. Asking him a personal question is not out of line at all. We all do that. There is no rule that you can't ask a personal question,...
Reply
Re: feeling/being 'seen'
Sarah, I'm on a break from posting but I can't sit by and just let you fling these accusations at Shrinklady without presenting the other side. I really enjoyed getting to know you Sarah and enjoyed your posts, but I was also around when the thread occurred on which your post was deleted. This forum's stated purpose is to provide support and Shrinklady's published rules in Our Mission state that "Flaming or messages meant to intimidate or harass others." are prohibited. That thread was an...
Reply
Re: What would help the forum/community be "safer" to post/respond, participate?
Your not talking tosh, DF... I agree. I guess in terms of ground rules, I'm not sure what I meant, really. I think people need to feel free to post about whatever they want to, without fear of hurting, because people can choose to read of not to read, respond or not respond. I guess in terms of groundrules, I was thinking of something along the lines of no exclusion, but would need amoderator to enforce, because it is too hard for each of us to try and make everyone feel welcome, kwim? So...
Reply
Re: 50 ways to leave yr T
Hi all - Thank you for your thoughts. Dear LL, I did write that letter - I might rewrite it though, because it's very nice and pretty uncritical, and the more I think about it, the more I am pissed off, really (how did you guess? ) . On some level deeply pissed off that I have been struggling and struggling for years now to get proper help to get in a position to make decisions that are going to stay with me for the rest of my life, and the help is just not good enough, and on certain issues...
Reply
Re: 50 ways to leave yr T
Jones Sorry that I missed your thread, I was away for a while. But I 've just read it through and felt some sort of inevitability coming early on...this didn't feel right for you did it? And once we realise that, then sometimes there is no other way forward, because anything else just seems to be delaying the inevitable. I may be wrong, at the termination session T will maybe have done a lot of thinking and might come up with a new plan - maybe you should be prepared for that... No wonder...
Reply
Re: grief and comfort. a mystery.
p.s. my T said there was going to be a memorial for the horse tomorrow. She said I could come if I wanted to. Volunteers, trainers, staff, other folks would be there. No one would know I was a counselee or not. (there are people around at the barns sometimes when I am there, sometimes. Never interact with them at all. Everyone signs an agreement e v e r y t h i n g is kept confidential because no one knows who is there for counseling vs. riding lessons vs. volunteering vs. whatever... It's...
Reply
Re: Have I Found the Right T??
Thank you everyone for being so happy for me and for your supportive comments. I do want to address each of you individually when I calm down... I came home tonight and found a letter from my old T. I had emailed him asking for a receipt for insurance that he forgot to give me back in August (I submit all the paperwork) and I asked him to submit a new treatment plan for me so I could submit all the outstanding claims I'm holding now. He never acknowledged the email and I didn't know what to...
Reply
Re: transferring over to a psychologist
Hi S I truly understand all of your feelings. I have been through almost the same ordeal and horror except I had no choice about an ending phase. I know your last session was awful and I truly understand why but maybe you need to go back a few more times to reach a more peaceful ending by letting the feelings be discussed and processed in some way. It's so much harder to be banned from the goodbye phase. The rule of thumb I have just learned is 2-3 sessions per year of therapy in order to...
Reply
Re: `
Hello ab3000, welcome to the forum! Your therapy sounds quite confusing - and from my point of view quite frightening if your T is bringing so much of her own feelings into the sessions. Having said that, if you’ve only seen her twice it might be too early to tell one way or the other. If you are already talking to her about how you feel about her, this early in therapy, maybe there is a genuine connection between you that is actually good? I couldn’t tell you whether to dump her or not -...
Reply
Re: .
I think we might be in the same boat. I can’t just be 100% supportive when I feel that whoever might be mistaken about something. And I can’t fake it either. But I think as a general rule that's not appropriate here. Echoing what UV said- No hard feelings! I’m not saying this to get anyone’s sympathy- it’s just the way that I relate with people doesn’t mesh as well here. That doesn’t mean I don’t love posting here- just means I’ll hold my tongue sometimes
Reply
Re: panic attacks/loss
Hi, Liese, I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. I used to post a lot, but haven't been quite as much lately, so I just wanted to say hi to you finally, if I haven't already... Gosh, panic attacks can be really scary I've heard. I used to have them when I was pregnant...I think that's what they were anyway. It makes sense to me that you would be having them because of any number of unresolved emotioanl issues...I'm not too sure about pinpoint and try, make it about just one issue,...
Reply
Re: Overwhelming self-hatred
kashley hi, Please don't...what you have posted is very real and understandable too. The missing time thing has happened to me and I know to others here as well, for me it is to do with dissociation....I once bought a jacket I had no recollection of ever doing; was really surprised to see it hanging up! (Fortunately it was quite nice ) Dissociation can feel really tricky to accept and discuss, but it's just a coping mechanism that your rain is using to protect you from other maybe more...
Reply
Re: .
DF, that is a bad place, and i know the pressure you feel, and you mention guilt...a word that cuts right to the core for me. but, i know i have let 'the fear of guilt' run so much of my life, that i have, in this therapy, had to dissect true and false guilt. guilt is from sin. not having a close relationship with abusers is not sin. in my opinion. the honor your father and mother thing hung hard on me, but, i have to save myself first and foremost. one thing to think of, is a decision to...
Reply
Re: Self-Injury (SI) ***Please Read***
I agree with Mac`s suggetion too: my votes for having this forum be an open place for discussing any feelings around SI, just not the act itself. Also, trigger warnings should be included before any talk about SI Then we will also respect the lurkers here reading, that might be in a vulnarable place. It kind of boils down to normal sense of respecful awarness and sensitivity when posting about sh, i think. Looks like (from the posters i read here now) that this concerned is something we all...
Reply
Re: therapy & creative practice
Hey, thanks for asking DF! I'm okay, just in a very, very busy time of year right now - like a lot of people I guess. I don't know how I'm going to get everything done, but I always wonder this and it always somehow gets done, more or less, so I'm not freaking out. The creative stuff has stopped, dead stop, as I'm just too overwhelmed with other things. But I have news, in that my T said to me this week that she'd checked again with the T I wanted to shift to, and he can take me now! She...
Reply
Re: contact between sessions
Hey Daisy, I can call my T or email. I save the phone calls for more dire occasions, but I do send emails into the black hole on a fairly regular basis-- usually two to three times a week. T and I have the understanding that I don't expect a response, but if I need one and specifically ask for it she will write back. Sometimes she just writes back at random even when no response is necessary. I'm always happy when that happens. I'm not really sure why it makes me feel better to send things...
Reply
Re: Today, I stop trying
May I ask what good does it do to discuss something with someone if they are not going to change their mind? If someone knows something is difficult for you already, then if you say it is difficult...but it doesn't bring about change, then why discuss it? I can't remember who said I didn't answer the question...I don't feel like I should discuss something with someone when the Therapist knows how difficult this is for me and yet won't change his mind. Would you lay out your thoughts and...
Reply
Re: Being a Lurker
Hey turtle I mainly lurk on here, post occasionally but read all the time. I would think you need to do what feels best for you at this time. You don't need to make a rule about lurking or not-post (or don't) as it feels safe to do so? I certainly don't think you'd be judged by others for choosing not to post-I sincerely hope you wouldn't anyway! This place seems pretty good about being supportive of each other wherever members are at any given time. Sure, things went a bit crazy recently...
Reply
Re: Compulsive Actions/Thoughts
I do have this problem with my therapist - transference as far as taking things said out of context, or convincing myself of my T's beliefs, or ideas. It's improved a lot, and though sometimes I will go to the transference place w/o recognizing it, I can effectively work with my T now to handle it. It took negotiation with my therapist. Even from the beginning she would explain how reactions to situations in the now were VALID but that they can be intensified due to the past and the...
Reply
Re: It's Over
Yes. He cares but it's his policy and probably based on what he thinks is best for both of you. If I ran a canoe rental place that required all renters to wear life jackets, would it mean I didn't care because I wouldn't reconsider my policy for people who hate wearing life jackets? Or what if I'm a teacher who doesn't allow students to use cellphones in my class, and I won't reconsider the rule? Does that mean I don't care? I don't blame you. I used to think my old T didn't care because of...
Reply
Re: alliance and/or relationship?
((((AG)))) I appreciate hearing about your experiences with your therapist and I'm sure others do too. Clearly, it's a painful topic for me and one I struggle with greatly in my own therapy. I get very disillusioned with therapy at times and with the nature of the therpeutic relationship. I KNOW my therapist loves me and/or cares for me deeply. That said, it wouldn't be honest of me to say that the touch topic is NOT painful for me which is why I can be a bit cynical about it and why I...
Reply
Re: Therapist sucks!
(((BROKEN))) I totally get how awful that would feel. It sucks that he couldn't express some caring during a difficult time. I *get* it. I get why he didn't do that BUT I know how much it hurts NOT to get a more *human* response. There are many things about therapy that I have a difficult time with even as it has helped me. I am not sure that's just a CBT thing. The relationship isnt' supposed to be about his needs. You consulted with him and you should feel free to come and go as you...
Reply
Re: Ending of sessions
Sounds hard for you fuzzball. maybe worth finding out if you can agree how to end sessions - so both tue and fri finish in a good way? 'see ya' is a bit casual after opening your soul... that would really get to me. My T is rubbish at session endings in general - and has a no-contact rule, so I can't really advise. But I can understand how difficult this is. sb
Reply
Re: Tell me not to quit?
((Cd)) ((Liese)) ((Jill)) ((sb)) Thank you for your sanity, I have no idea what part of me is freaking out or how to connect with itX I feel intense and it shuts me down. It makes everything triggering... Especially having someone there. I'm too ashamed to bring this me to therapy today. Last time I was like this... And caved in on myself.,, there is not much anyone can say, I think sometimes it was why my parents had to communicate the way get did. T told me, a couple weeks ago.., 'I can't...
Reply
Re: Thinking about touch
Affinity, My T has a strict no hugs across the board rule for all his clients. The only touch I experience with him is a handshake at the end of the session (which I find important to keep the "I'm too revolting to even touch" beliefs at bay. I do want to be clear that there are plenty of Ts out there who do hold and/or hug their clients or use other forms of touch in therapy and I am in no way trying to say that is wrong. Just want to share my experience of what not having that has been...
Reply
Re: Thinking about touch
Hi Affinity, First, I want to make clear that while appropriate touch has been so instrumental in my healing so far, I do understand and accept why therapists don’t include touch in their work. Every individual is unique and has different needs and boundaries when it comes to touch. Especially people who’s physical integrity has been violated can be profoundly re-harmed where touch is concerned. In my case, I chose to go into therapy with a somatic therapist mainly in the hope she would not...
Reply
Re: In so much pain right now. I need help and don't know where to turn.** Update**
Well two weeks time helps hurt feelings receed. Talking to Pdoc was of no help. He just said she is not there to be your friend and if I feel like I still need therapy I should just go somewhere else. I was wanting to understand why she is doing this. We had a couples session the first week. That went OK. I'm not really comfortable in the couples sessions because she knows things about me that I have no intention of talking about with my husband. She is always pressing for me to say more and...
Reply
Re: Please help - T conflict
AG, first, thanks for responding again to clarify. I don't find your post argumentative, so no worries. And thanks for letting me know you were signing off. That was really thoughtful. I accept that my feelings and reactions to this situation are mine. I understand that talking about it is the grist of therapy, and that's what I pay for. But please try to take my responses, my feelings, out of the equation and answer this: at what point does T's wrong behavior require a consequence for T? I...
Reply
Re: Please help - T conflict
Rebuilding Me, I so appreciate you responding. The thing about being 30 minutes late is that it was significantly late and there was no notice, warning, explanation. If she HAD put a note on the door or popped her head out to say she was running late, that would have been acting responsibly and I would have waited without all this turmoil ensuing. Yes, situations do come up. T has cancelled due to illness. She called; I understood. T has run late getting to the office due to traffic. She...
Reply
Re: My mother makes me nervous. Opinions, please.
((((HELD)))) Honestly, when I first read this, I got so mad at your mother for the way she was trying to manipulate you here. (Happy Bday to your little one, btw.) Do we have the same mothers? I totally identified with your post. Don't be so hard on yourself here. Our patterns of relating, while not quite set in stone, are pretty hard to change. You are taking the first step here by recognizing that you are upset about the conversation. It's terrific that you could recognize it. The sad...
Reply
Re: Oh dear...
SP, reading your post was very distressing to me. I don't agree with a no-contact rule either. You were/are clearly in need of contact with T. Don't know Ts skill level or training, but boundaries can be stretched, especially in your case. Each person is an individual and everyones is different and needs a different approach from the T. Wondering if you would seriously consider going to another who could be more empathatic. You're not just an appointment. You are a very important person with...
Reply
Re: T nicely told me "don't bring me anymore presents".
Maybe I've read Freud way too much for my own good. I know I shouldn't give my therapist a gift no matter how small. Besides, when she reminds me of the rule and refuses my gift, I will just keel over and squish off to another planet, I will be so embarrassed!