Tagged With "Captain Awkward"
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
I don't think that's weird, Echo. I bet he would have talked about it if you wanted to, but he just isn't going to be the one to initiate the conversation. I never talked about that sort of thing with my individual T, but we had a discussion about it in group therapy, considering we're all on campus together and are bound to pass each other (at least the members). The group leaders said the same thing as your T, Seablue, that they would not do anything unless we first acknowledged them. But...
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Re: .
I don't have much to add to this, but do want to say that I am following this thread and finding it very interesting. AG and TN always have such good insights. This, especially, resonated with me: My P does this, too. I don't think he knows he's doing it. At first I thought it was just me, pulling away. But then I realized that my pulling away and shutting down was in part a response to his backing away, which he exhibits by being uncomfortable, nervous, and awkward around me. Best of luck,...
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Re: todays session crap
frog, i relate so much to what you are saying. feeling wrong emotionally, but really, logically, other than REALLY FEELING wrong and bad, having a hard time saying what you did wrong. seems it is a great trigger, although quite painful, but one to examine that (and believe me, i am not there) that we are not always what we FEEL. yes, old triggers. fear, even paranoia for crossing a boundary, and i guess for me, the confession aspect, that i always feel like i have to TELL everyone everything...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
T1 lives 1000 miles away so I do not see her, but when I was in high school and lived in the same town, I used to run into her a lot. My senior year of high school my mother sold our house because it was too difficult to live there after my father died. The new house that we moved into was down the street from my T's house and I had to drive past her house every day. We often passed each other on the street in our cars. I also ran into her in the summer at the outdoor concerts in the park. I...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
I was 16 when I first went to therapy. I was an awkward teen, insecure, unsure of my sexuality, confused, alone, etc. now i am almost 35 and have grown into myself. I am not embarrassed about having to go to therapy and I also am more comfortable interacting with people in general...I chalk it up to the natural maturity that comes with age. I think in high school I thought that if I acknowledged my T's existence, she would know that i was in love with her. Now, as an adult, I don't care if...
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Re: My Experience with attachment and love.
Hi Monte,AG,TN,Liese. One of my good friends is a psychotherapist. We have known each other for about 5 years and it is quite a close friendship. When i felt the need to see a therapist i had told her about how i was feeling. She knows about my recent history and my very difficult childhood and i know about her very difficult childhood too. We had spoken about this like friends would do, but never in too much detail. I knew instinctively from the beginning that i would never ask her to...
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Re: Impressing T
Hmmmm....interesting question. I never try to impress T, but thinking about it I realize I do try to dress in black and wear a long, float sweater usually so I can "curl up" in it and hide. She's so pretty and skinny and she stares at me a lot and makes me feel "awkward".
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Re: Not sure of how to move forward
BLT, Liese, Yakusoku, & SomeDays, thanks so much for reading my super long post and replying. Its meant a lot and your ideas of how to approach this have been helpful. One thing that is really coming up for me is this strange feeling of having some sort obligation to my regular T. Its almost as if I feel that I will hurt her feelings if I leave her... I think part of this has been triggered as a result of her knowledge that I was terminated by a former T who had also been chronically ill...
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Re: Graduation Celebration Today
((TN)) YAY!! What the heck with the cider? You'd think it was made out of liquid gold or something. Plans have a nasty habit of not going as planned! I wish I could hang out with you in real life; I'd love to know someone who has a corkscrew in their car! I'm so glad the people at the bank could help you I was sort of sitting at the edge of my seat the way you wrote and hoped it worked out. I'm glad you could focus afer it even though it felt awkward. I hate feeling like I have "wasted" time...
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Re: Inner Child Work (Latest)
I know that this is different from my issue, but I was really unable to show compassion to little, hurting, attachment-damaged parts of me before T kind of modeled it for me. He has a tendency (I don't know if your T does this too?) to respond very positively about them, their needs, their feelings in the midst of my disparaging and hating what it's like to have to experience all of that. Also, the extremity of my dissociation can help, because it is a lot easier to be kind when these parts...
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Re: If therapy does more harm than good....
Mizzbelle, Thank you for the thoughtful response, I appreciate you expanding. I'm sorry that you experienced being injured in therapy. It should be a safe place to go, which makes the injury all the deeper when it happens. I also appreciate that you wanted to ensure that other hurting people had access to the resources that helped you. I know for myself, that I have put a lot of time, effort and money into my healing, so my first reaction was to become defensive I think, at what I saw as an...
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Re: well, THAT was unexpected...
(((BLT))) Wow. I can see why that was so mind-spinning for you. That was a lot to process unexpectedly and all at once. I hate when that happens. Between M and OldT, though, it's understandable why you would feel that way. What were her thoughts about all this? I'm a little confused about the Less of that with T because I thought she gave you unlimited contact? Or is it just that you needed it less? It seems odd that she didn't think you could handle that back then. Afterall, you'd had two...
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Re: Question about Phone Therapy and Insurance
Hi people, Thanks, it is good to hear from a few others that your Ts have billed phone sessions this way-- using the normal codes. Since I have heard it thrown out by a couple other therapists "oh, insurance won't cover phone sessions" I have worried a little that perhaps T is getting this wrong, and we are getting away with something, but might not be able to forever, lol. Catalyst, hope switching over to more phone sessions goes okay for you. I prefer in person too, but have had to do...
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Re: squaring our feelings for our therapists
((Liese)) ((RT)) I totally agree with what you said about holding the boundaries during therapy-I don't want it to be about anything other than me and my needs; it's costing a fortune and I want my money's worth! But I long to be friends after therapy ends...not even straight away, just at some point in the future. Maybe I wouldn't like her in real life, maybe she wouldn't like me...awkward yes, but it seems like I could handle that now. Maybe I'm just kidding myself... I'm not sure... Much...
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Re: .
Popps, you have absolutely no reason to be embarrassed! My stomach actually tends to get a little haywire if I know I'm gonna talk about some really deep, personal, or embarrassing stuff. One session my stomach was grumbling rather loudly but so was Ts and it felt like we were having some sort of competition of who's stomach could be louder . it was weird at first but It became less awkward when T addressed it and made a joke about it, so it made me feel at ease. Then we got into a mini...
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Re: needing and wanting touch-possible triggers?
((athennacus)) I hope you can talk to your T about this especially you doing this activity now I absolutely love touch. In a past life, it was likely that I was a teddy bear. However - I have to trust the person, or get a good 'vibe'. I am most especially not okay with men touching me unless they are my friends or it's a public place. For some reason, a lot of people hug me. I'm not sure if it's because I give them the 'I'm gonna hug you anyway' body signal or what. I usually wait for the...
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Re: Shut down.
how did you ever get in touch with your anger/rage? i know it's there, but i don't "do" anger and it seems really awkward for me. i'm not even sure how it would be expressed? yelling? screaming and swearing? all the other emotions seem pretty straight-forward to me. anger though, not so much.
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Re: Limits
Thought I'd share something I've been struggling with lately. Maybe someone has a different perspective and can help me with it. I haven't seen my therapist in three weeks and won't see him until Thursday because of the holiday day here on Monday. I haven't seen him because I took an extended vacation. He went on vacation before I did and then I saw him for four sessions before I went away. The most difficult time for me was before he went away and during. We had some ruptures. My vacation...
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Re: Can Anyone Share...
TN - it is more of a feeling - what my T did that was helpful was to invite me to bring other little kids in to my experiences and what I would imagine they would feel... And that would lead to how did I feel. I think if anything it is allowing the in the moment feelings from back then. My T can usually identify where I am at emotionally - yesterday she joked I was "growing up before her eyes" in session because I went from bawling in my arms about not being understood and eventually got to...
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Re: art in therapy. . . help, please
Hi HIC...no problem - ask away! While it was time ago when I began, she just asked one day if I were to draw what li'l one was feeling, what would it look like. She offered some crayons and some paper, but I couldn't do it while in front of her. So, she said give it a try between sessions and then bring them in for both of us to look at. She's not an art therapist but offers some great feedback/insight about what she sees in them. At first, I only used to draw with pens and a straight edge...
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Re: art in therapy. . . help, please
((DpBluSee) ((Kid and li'l one)) Thanks for the additional encouragement and support. You are right, DpBlu, the journal is a natural extension of who I am so bringing it in felt right in the end, if a bit scary. Kid, I loved reading about how your pages have evolved! That was so neat and made me smile. Sounds like you are doing fabulous work with your T. Okay, so. . . I brought the journal with me last night to my session. I started talking about it, how I use it and why I use it and what it...
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Re: Angry email to T (Updated w/ today's session)
**TW- mentions of SI and abuse Today’s session was…okay. A lot of it really sucked and there were many loooong silences and I didn’t feel connected to my T at all, but there were also some really intense parts. Ever since receiving his response to my email, I’ve been struggling with this awful shame and self-hate. I felt that by revealing a part of my real self to my T, he would realize how undeserving the real me is of his care. We both logged in to the online session and said hello, and...
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Re: IQ test
I'm not sure why your IQ matters at all to your T? It has little to do with your emotional acuity. At many job interviews they use tests that are at least half useful and rate more on thinking SYLES. MENSA used to be something you could put on a resume, now people are only in it so they can measure something ... .... I've met a number of people (family, work, friends, etc), with extremely high IQs who were emotionally tone deaf (and an equal percentage elsewhere on the IQ "spectrum"). I...
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Re: new to this
I'm not quite sure I see where the transference fits into this situation. It sounds like you see him as a friend because he is there to listen to your struggles and not use your words against you. The difference between your T and your friends is that his job is to keep the relationship one-directional. In other words, he is there to support you, and when he starts to ask you for support in return, he has crossed the ethical boundary of a therapeutic relationship in a formal sense. But, the...
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Re: My T nodded off
thanks for the feedback, there is a part of me that just doesn't want to bring it up and just hope it doesn't happen again. Another part of me wants to bring it up but is so afraid of his reaction. I'm afraid that it will embarress him and it will be awkward and weird, but I am somewhat wanting there to be a logical explanation. I know that many of you have been brave enough to confront or bring up conversations with your t's directly related to your feelings towards them, I have not. I am...
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Re: `
Hi Echo, Sorry I was so slow in getting back to you. Again, I'm going to reiterate that the crying thing is not so unusual in my opinion, it seems like he has real empathy with your situation. However I do feel like the alarm bells are starting to go off a bit in my head about how mutual the "flirting" or discomfort is. I think it's natural for you to have strong feelings for your T (and I don't mean that in a patronizing way, it could be that if you met outside therapy that you could have...
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Re: No reply!!
Debbye, Tell him you're angry. Of course, be respectful, but tell him. Being able to express how you really feel is what it's all about. And my guess is your T wouldn't want you to censor your anger. That's what gets a lot of us in therapy in the first place. It can be hard. It took me a long time to be straight with my T when I'm angry with him, and it still feels awkward, but it's important to try. Good luck! Russ
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Re: Male T vs Female T
Alright, I understand that having male T would could be threatening to your marriage. You see I didn't know that. I am/was in a relationship and my therapy has changed the shape of it completely. It basicly fell apart, I don't feel that I love my boyfriend anymore. It's not like I want my T to replace him, he's married and I know it doesn't/wouldn't work that way. I imagine that if my relationship with my boyfriend was good enough, deep and I really loved him, I wouldn't feel like leaving...
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Re: Holidays suck.
Hi. I'm not really in a place where I can comprehend your responses right now, but thanks. I will read them when I can handle it. For now, here's the letter I've written to my t for tomorrow. I plan on just walking in, saying hey, handing her my check and this letter and then saying goodbye and leaving. I think that will be best. Thanks.
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Re: Holidays suck.
TN- I understand exhaustion! Thanks for responding even when you were so tired... and thanks for saying I'm brave. I don't really feel it, but thanks. Jones- Thanks. I'm not sure NOTHING will stop me now, but I do feel like I don't have the excuse of "if she REALLY new...." Jones and Hals- i can't imagine running into my t outside of the office! Did your t bring it up in session Jones? And Hals, i agree, I think your t has the right idea about how to handle that kind of situation. Still...
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Re: Holidays suck.
Amazon- You're awesome! I was wondering if anyone was going to comment on the stupid vs. fuck business. I think you're right about "stupid" hurting whereas "fuck" is more of an expression of a feeling. I guess that is nice of her! And yes, it is quite a wonderful feeling to be so close to my t. In your "The therapeutic relationship" thread, it sounds like you are really beginning to grasp the relationship idea. During my very first session- almost 2 years ago- my t told me that the kind of...
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Re: Therapy and God
Thanks Monte for the Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr It was heartening for me to see. I am one of those who was judged by my minister as somehow lacking in faith as I had a problem that wasn't getting better and he put it down to lack of prayer/belief on my part. So my faith, which is actually strong has been tried to its limits over recent years and I have been made to feel that it obviously wasn't firm enough, else I would be healed. i am a shy person who would have found it almost impossible to talk...
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Re: EMDR
Dear all, Thanks so much for your input on this. It's really nice to have the validation that it's okay to bring in whatever I have, and it's really helpful to hear about the lower-case experiences that have affected you. Seablue, this is exactly right. Actually I think I don't WANT to go into the feeling at the moment - because I'm busy! I'm working! I'm functioning great and getting stuff done! And this state doesn't always come easy for me so I don't want to stop and emote all over the...
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Re: Eye Contact
Thanks for your thoughts guys. AG- At the end of sessions is when I blatantly avoid eye contact the most!!!!!! I can't handle being that close to her and not being able to hug her or something... it's WAY too intense for me so I just look at my check when I hand it to her and practically RUN out the door!!! I feel like it's the only way that I won't cross a boundary...... Was I responsible for it? No. But I really pushed for it to happen once I knew she wanted it too... and yes, I agree that...
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Re: `
Hey Echo... I've been following along and wanted to say a few things that struck me about your post(s): Personally, I'd rather not troubleshoot my sex life AT ALL (:P), but I get what you're saying! With the feelings you have for him, it could be pretty awkward if he doesn't handle it well. Yes. But you can do it. (((((((echo))))))) I really like SG's term "distraction of attraction"... attraction is definitely distracting, but I will say, if your t can be boundaried and responsible, it's...
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Re: Firing my P tomorrow - feels like breaking up :(
I did it. I was a big weakling and waited until the last 10 minutes to bring it up, then there wasn't enough time to say what I really wanted to say . He gave me the opportunity, but instead I decided to give him feedback about what had been helpful to me in therapy. He seemed to appreciate that, vaguely... His response wasn't exactly surprised. He said that sometimes these "communication" problems (his view of the tension/dynamic between us is that I don't feel safe talking to him, or men...
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Re: Firing my P tomorrow - feels like breaking up :(
{{{{{{{{{{{Echo}}}}}}}}}}}}} Rackafrackin' euphemisms . Who needs 'em? I must disagree with what you said about being a "big weakling". You did a good job trying to bring up the issue and I think you were strong even to try it. I wish he could have created a space where you felt safe enough to discuss it. But his responses to you seem to be all or nothing - either too emotional, or, in this case, too detached. You left today feeling like your therapeutic relationship didn't mean anything to...
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Re: Firing my P tomorrow - feels like breaking up :(
I don't necessarily feel like it didn't mean anything to him... he said some other things that were nice. I feel that since I failed to really verbalize how I feel for him, I am responsible for how it turned out. If I could have been more emotionally honest with him today, then maybe he would have been less distant. If anything, he was just following my lead. As for seeing another therapist, he said he would make a list for me and make some notes on what he thought about each of them and...
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Re: Took a risk...now I'm regretting it.
Hi MTF - I think maybe my analogy is a bit clunky! But how you understand it is pretty much how I meant. Let me try to tease it out a bit more (and make it work!!) In dancing sometimes as a follower you know that if you do what your leader is trying to get you to do, you will lose balance, or run out of room, or end up in an awkward position. You are going to have a reaction that won't work. So you COULD do something a bit different (to what was led) to 'correct' it - but then the beginner...
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Re: Took a risk...now I'm regretting it.
Jones, Thanks for explaining your analogy in greater detail. I understand it now! It wasn't clunky, I just didn't get it because a)I'm not a dancer and b)I would be the kind of follower that would correct the leader's step to keep myself from ending up falling over or ending up in that awkward position. But I see how that could be detrimental to the beginner leader, or even a seasoned leader if they were not really 'attuned' to their partner. I am glad you have a greater connection with your...
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Re: Firing my P tomorrow - feels like breaking up :(
I don't understand what went wrong, though. It seemed like a great fit in the beginning. He was so easy to talk to, and I really felt understood. It wasn't even that difficult to tell him I had feelings for him the first time... It was only after I said that (and he reacted a little too... something), and then left for a few months and came back, that things got really awkward and uncomfortable. It was so up and down; sometimes I felt like things were really going well and working through...
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Re: Co-dependency/displacing emotions
I too am dealing with marital issues, and so much of what you have all posted here resonates deeply. We did couples therapy for about 9 mos and stopped last fall, after a frustrating session of non-productive arguing. I know we need to get back there, and I know it would take me scheduling and pushing it with my husband, and then I could probably get him there. I am just too tired, and don't want to put the energy into it. Feeling extreme guilt for typing that - we have 2 children. I have...
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Re: Unbelievably bad session
BB - ohhhhh!!! Your post was so beautiful - measured and thoughtful and compassionate - I learned a lot from it, it said so much of what I wanted to say! Esp that lovely insightful stuff about the need here for LOVE. Of course I strongly relate to the feeling of NOT wanting to say anything potentially even remotely hurtful to LL - but what a shame to lose that great post. I'm sorry, BB, that your own internal critic was so hard on you here. LL, there's so much I want to say and I'm not sure...
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Re: Feeling cold and empty
Hi Amazon, I've missed you. Thanks for posting about this. I needed it right now, because I am feeling the same way. I started a new medication about a month ago and it's making me feel disconnected from everyone, and I feel it the most in my relationship with my T. I think that is because she is the person I have felt the strongest feelings with for the last several months, so I notice the change with her the most. It makes me very sad. I agree with Jones in that I feel like it might have...
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Re: New page...
Ah, dear... I had quite a nice session today... so I will allow myself to share it with you I got coffee for my session, and it turned out he had his tea. So I had coffee, he had camomile tea. I'm getting more and more annoyed with him and his explanations and interpretations. But I still love him so much. I wanted to tell him my dream, but I felt very uncomfortable about it, prefered if he read it himself, but he wouldn't do it. He said that sometimes he feels like pushing me. Must be...
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Re: Two week break coming up...how to connect fully.
SG!! Thanks so much for your wonderful response. Wow, what a post! I'll try to respond to your questions as best I can, but I'd like to thank you for such a beautiful message. WARNING: Extremely long post... I think he was just genuinely moved...more moved of course than I was by him being moved. I just avoided the feelings as usual, which sucks. He knows better than anyone that seeing such a thing would freak me out, so I know it was just a spontaneous thing. Based on the anxiety I’ve lived...
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Re: Scared about session tomorrow
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS POST INCLUDES MATERIAL THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO THOSE HAVING ISSUES WITH THEIR Ts OR WHO STRUGGLE WITH ATTACHMENT OR BOUNDARIES. Just wanted to update for my own benefit, so no need to read, and warning--it's long and detailed. I had another session with my T yesterday. She was wearing the interchangeable jewelry watchband I gave her a couple months ago along with a thank you card. It looked really good on her and made me happy to see that she liked it enough to wear...
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Re: Scared about session tomorrow
Kashley, Dragonfly & Provocative Girl, Thanks for your responses to my post! K: I have wondered the same thing. She has avoided it time and time again until I really addressed it very forcefully in the letter I gave her last. I think she may have realized that my attachment issues weren't going anywhere and that they were really a huge issue that needed to be dealt with head on. If that was her thinking, it definitely didn't work! Yes, this is exactly what I wish my T would do. I always...
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Re: Scared about session tomorrow
Just another update. Saw my T again Wednesday. She wanted to get into the book, which I've been dreading. It's called "Reinventing Your Life". I had to read it by specific chapter when I first started therapy with her last September based on scores calculated from a questionnaire I had to fill out. It's based on schemas or what the authors call 'lifetraps'. It's very CBT based, and I don't like it. Bawled my eyes out reading it to her the first time around. I had to highlight all the stuff...
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Re: Confused
Hi there Forlorn I’m sorry you had a bad session yesterday - seems like you’re going through a real up and down phase with your T at the moment. Some things that waved red flags at me in your post: To echo what you wrote WTH???? I could maybe take this comment as well meaning if she were suggesting alternative ways for you to get help, if she sees that your finding it difficult to talk is a drawback in therapy, BUT and it’s a BIG but, she’s an art therapist isn’t she? Which means that talk...