Tagged With "Hollywood Ending"
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Hi Timbo, Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you felt comfortable to ask your question. I think you're in the middle of a very complicated situation. It sounds like your girlfriend and her daughter are very emeshed and neither of them is in any rush to end that. When someone grows up in an abusive, dysfunctional family they are often driven (very unconsciously) to repeat the trauma. As horrible as the abuse is, it's still at least familiar. Your girlfriend marrying someone like her abusive dad...
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Re: A Mother, boyfriend,and daughter
Thanks to you all for taking the time to offer your suggestions and support. I just stuck my neck out one last time making her aware of possible abandonment and co-dependency issues. Telling her she has head problems will surely be the end of me
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi SG, I've read about the love-hate flip-flop and I've never really experienced it the way I've read about it. I don't so much hate my T as worry that he isn't the person I thought he was. I have definitely experienced getting very angry and/or upset with him on numerous occasions when he didn't do anything wrong. The first time I ever told him I was angry at him was because he canceled a couples appt at the last minute (8:30 AM for a 5:30 PM) and I just assumed that it was some kind of...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
SG, I know that can feel really weird and kind of scary, but that's the Ts job, not to take it personally. I can remember apologizing to my T for being so suspicious of him when he had never given me any reason to be, in fact, quite the opposite. He, very gently, kept telling me that he understood, based on my experiences, why I would be so suspicious and need so much reassurance, that he didn't take it personally. There was one time (and trust me, I still flinch when I remember saying it)...
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Re: The love-hate flip-flop
Hi AG, Thanks for everything you said. I very much appreciate you sharing your experiences in therapy. I definitely have the feeling of “waiting for him to hurt me” and knowing that this will “end badly”. I admire you for being strong enough to stick with it and tell him about it. And I admire your T for handling it so well. I haven’t talked much to my T yet about the legacy of incest in my family. There was overt incest in both my father and mother’s families of origin. My mother’s family...
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Re: Effexor
Hi all....slightly off topic post but just wondering if any of you have had any experience with Lexapro? I was prescribed it 3 months ago (10mg) dose. I've come to the end of the course now and after discussing it with my T he recommended going up a dosage for now. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Though my T does seem to be quite wary of giving anti-D's the ok so I think he's not taking the decision lightly.
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Re: insight
Hi emogirl. I can only try to imagine what 8 years of a relationship mixed up with transference feelings is like. I had 6 months of it and I'm still reeling from the shock of things finishing. The real positive in this (i'm sure it's hard for you to see one right now) is that you said that you're T handled your revelation gentle and professionally. Once your T has strong boundaries and handles the transference well then hopefully you can now work on this transference and stop it from...
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Re: Have you ever sued your Therapist?
Hi iam, I am not sure about the legal side of things of what your counsellor has done. But I have been following your posts and I am so sorry to see how much you are hurting and how much distress you are in. I went through a really tough time when my therapist ended suddenly. He abruptly ended and blamed it on me and then refused to take my calls knowing that I was suicidal. About a week later I rang him and told him that I thought it was unprofessional to end like that and that I needed...
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Re: Difference between transference and distraction
Hi AG, I have spent a year telling him all of this. Unfortunately he isn't able to help me with it. We usually end up with him being out of his depth and breaking boundaries and me trying so hard to leave but cannot leave because I am so attached. I know I have to see my new P because he is going to be able to cope with me and my problems and my t just cannot. I have always been upfront and honest about how I am feeling even when he can't cope with me. The pain just does not ever go away...
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Re: Afraid/worried again - erotic transference?
Now, I have dream to tell him and that is going to be kind of challenging. Usually when I have a dream there is something happening in therapy - like I'm taking one step forward and reveal something that otherwise I probably wouldn't. In my dream I had a therapy session. We were sitting very close to each other, my knees were touching his. Later on I was sitting sort of beside him and still our legs were touching. We talked about something and suddenly he leaned forward and kissed my breast.
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Re: into the breach
Hi Blackbird - no need for an apology! I haven't updated because I'm just feeling confused and disconnected from my T. She said we would talk about the uncomfortable silence last time, but we didn't - she forgot. I guess it wasn't a great day for her - she was yawning, didn't seem present. When I saw that I thought "$%&#^! I'm boring her! I better pull out some stops..." and I tried to bring up how angry I'd been. I said that I'd been really upset last time after talking about that...
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Re: into the breach
Oh, AG... if you weren't so evidently wonderful I'd look for a way to discount what you are saying here. As it is I want to get through these limitations and end up with as much to share as you have - you are a great inspiration, curse it all. The fear is so insidious in that for me it comes encased in so much comfortable habit, and a certain resourcefulness that allows me to survive without going where I'm afraid of. I think we all have this resourcefulness, to our fear's delight. But...
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Re: major transference feelings- what to do
Hi Monte... I can totally relate to your struggles. I have been in therapy with my T for almost 19 years. And before that...I had several other therapists for extended periods. I have never made it to a satisfactory termination...so this time I am determined. I tried to switch to a different therapist...and different type of therapy about 18 months ago and could not make it work because I was not able to quit...or finish with my primary T. I could not get her to let me go...or say goodbye,...
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Re: Feeling like I revealed "too much"
Hey SG, I was missing you too around here! Thanks for your supportive words. As for the issue of progress...well it turns out that my T was sort of triggered on that by my stupid insurance company. He has to fill out paperwork every 3 months on my "progress" and what we are doing in therapy. Because I'm currently not on meds the insurance company is pushing them so we have to talk about it and we end up in a huge disruption because I am not interested in meds. I don't really feel that I need...
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Re: into the breach
Hi SG, thanks for asking. I've had one session since coming clean about feeling angry, and it was a really good session, felt much more connected. I've got loads going on in life now, so we had lots to cover, but she took some time to stop me and tell me that what I had done the last week in telling her about my anger was really good and really important, and that she wanted me to keep doing it. Her demeanor felt really settled and centered to me, and I really did feel heard. She told me she...
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Re: Self-Hatred
Hi MH... first I think AG gave a thorough and wonderful answer. I too have struggled with the self-hate. I have told my T that I don't even understand why he would want to talk to me or even allow me in his office as I was so defective, horrible and I would just sit there and spew toxic waste all over his nice rug. There were times I felt so repulsive that I wanted to run out of his office and hide somewhere. He reassured me that I was not repulsive nor did I spew toxic waste or anything...
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Re: Self-Hatred
Hi MH...I think our posts crossed and my response is above your last response. I just wanted to add that when I found the courage to tell my T about one of the most traumatic things that happened to me and I felt at my most repugnant and untouchable...the darn guy gave me a hug at the end of the session. It was actually the second time he did that.. the first was a birthday hug but some time had elapsed in between. It totally dispelled all the feelings of repulsiveness I was experiencing and...
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Re: Self-Hatred
TN, I missed your post while I was typing my last one. Thank you for your insight. I think I get what you are describing in experiencing your T's caring at a deeper level than just words. Sometimes it is the subtle things that are most convincing - like if your T doesn't shy away when you expect him to, or how when you finally lift your gaze off your T's feet to meet his eyes, he is already there waiting for you, intently studying your every move trying to connect with you. That's when the...
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Re: into the breach
Hi Blackbird, I'm not familiar with Affirmation Therapy or the book but I do see alot of points of congruence with how my T practices. I do believe that a T/P needs to love their patient in order for them to heal. I know my T believes that although he won't speak directly of loving me. But he has often compared the theraputic relationship as the closest thing to unconditional love that we can experience from another person. You are totally accepted and there is nothing you can do which will...
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Re: Self-Hatred
Thanks for being angry right along with me, Lamplighter. It's nice to be understood. I thought it was supposed to be my T's job to be understanding, but lately what I'm getting from her is criticism. Maybe she is right that I just don't want to like myself. OK, she wins. But you are right that her saying it that way isn't likely to illicit a positive reaction from me. Last night I texted T to complain that I felt trapped in a corner because (1) I can't express my feelings to her since she...
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Re: Forgiveness
Disclaimer: This is very much written from the perspective of my world view as a Christian and I understand that not everyone reading will agree with all the values that I discuss. But in order to explain what happened I have to refer to those beliefs and how they affected me. All I ask is that you accept that they were my values so this was how I saw it. I think the larger principles about forgiveness translate pretty well across other world views. Back in 2000, I was still struggling with...
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Re: Forgiveness
AG, I missed your amazing post somehow! I think I just forgot to refresh my screen since I've had this thread pulled up all day. Thank you so much for telling your own personal (and quite moving) story. I had only read bits and pieces of it before. I am humbled by what you have been through and how you have risen above it. I can see that you showed your trust in God even before you had forgiven your father. Whereas I am being rebelliousness right now (at least in heart) when it comes to my...
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Re: getting through this moment, this day...
JD, It's SO good to hear from you! I'm really glad you posted because I've been wondering how you were doing. The program sounds really good and you sound like you're working really hard. I'm so impressed that you've been able to do this knowing that one of the settings for your trauma was a hospital. The staff sounds wonderful and I'm really glad you've found people who understand what you're going through and how to handle it. I really hear your ambivalence of being terribly homesick and...
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Re: Forgiveness
((((Dragonfly)))) I hear your rage and pain about what happened to you and I think you deserve to feel every bit of it. What was done to you was evil and deserving of anger. And you deserved so much better including not having your personhood and you're needs ignored. I hear the cry of your heart and I believe that God does too. I am so glad that you were willing to post both your beliefs and your feelings about what happened to you; both deserve to be heard and treated with respect. Please...
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Re: How can I trust T again?
First of all, I'm so sorry you're in pain about this, MTF. This made me think back to the "communication model" I learned about in one of my classes. There are 10 fundamental principles of communication, one of them being that communication is irreversible. My professor used the example of a jury: it is truly impossible for the jury to "disregard" something that has been said, and whatever it was will consciously or unconsciously manipulate your actions and choices. It's human nature. So...
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Re: How can I trust T again?
Hi K. It's nice to "meet" you. Thank you for responding to me. I appreciate your insight, as your perspective helped me see things a little differently, and I needed that. I agree that starting over isn't really possible, and I guess it seems contradictory to me that a T would even suggest that. I feel that what she should have said was that she would appreciate my being willing to allow her to earn back my trust. I'm like you, in that my imagination is also a huge hindrance in establishing...
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Re: How can I trust T again?
{{{{{MTF}}}}} What you describe sounds so familiar. I'm not very good at dealing with conflict at all...it terrifies me beyond belief...so when I get the nerve to confront, as you did, I feel so relieved when the response doesn't appear to be the backlash that I expected, that I don't really realize what was said (and not said) until later, when my emotions have died down and the rational part of my brain has re-engaged. When you first described her response, there was something about it...
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Re: How can I trust T again?
MTF, So sorry you are struggling. It is such a scary and vulnerable place to be. I am so glad you are here. I absolutely agree with others that the damage that was done was deep and can not realistically be repaired in one session. It sounds like your T has been doing this long enough to realize that. MTF, not only is it unfair to disregard you own VERY VALID feelings and concerns, it may be a missed opportunity and end up being detrimental to YOU and the relationship - which is about YOU. I...
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Re: How can I trust T again?
Thank you ladies for your replies. I really appreciate the encouragement I get from all of you, and your great insight, as I have such a hard time being objective about my own stuff. I want to reply to all of you individually, but right now I have so much in my head and I'm spinning out in my mind and just need to get it all out. I'm sorry. I have more to vent and didn't want to start a new thread since I'm already complaining here and figured I might as well continue on my already existing...
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Re: How can I trust T again?
Your therapist may not be able to eliminate world hunger, but she should certainly be able to help you function! Based on what I've read, and especially your latest post, you should really look for another therapist. IMHO, if you feel as if you've been traumatized, even if the thought and/or feeling is fleeting, that is a huge red flag. And since it's becoming clear that your therapist may not be "getting it," then maybe you should go find someone else who can help you. Maybe this is one of...
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Re: A new dilemma
Hi there MTF. I'm at work right now, so I can't respond in depth, but I wanted to point you to a thread that talks about my (and others) issues regarding the whole googling-your-t thing. Here it is - note, it starts to get into the googling stuff at the end of page one. I hope this helps for now, and i will try to repond more tonight! Here's a hug in the mean time though ((((((MTF))))))) -CT
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Re: How can I trust T again?
I wanted to reply to everyone individually, as I appreciate each of you taking the time out of your lives to respond to my cry for help. Thank you! Amazon: I feel that my trust with her is growing a lot, and thank you for the reminder that she did indeed pass the last test with flying colors. I feel she cares about me and our attachment to each other is important to her as she knows that's where my healing will occur. For now I will stick with her and work on fixing the trust issues. Thanks...
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Re: She sees other Cs
Seablue, You're a lot nicer than me if all you want to do is trip them. I do occasionally see other clients, but what's worse, I live with one. My husband and I see my T for marital counseling also and he was my husband's T first. There was awhile there where my T had to field emergency phone calls after every couples' session because I would feel so threatened by his relationship with my husband. I called once, get this, because he laughed too hard with him. I can actually blush remembering...
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Re: Decisions, Decisions....
smiley, yep it does make it difficult but at the end of the day your T has to act in your best interest. It takes a huge leap of faith to tell a T such difficult feelings, but you won't be the first and she will know how to help. My T was very sensitive when I told her - I had a fear I'd be carted off to some locked unit - but far from it and we agreed a strategy that felt safe for both of us to be comfortable with. The feelings hung around a while but it helped her knowing. Hard for you to...
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Re: .
Hi UV, It's good to hear from you and it's perfectly ok to post questions asking for input, that's a big part of what the forum is all about. Can I first tell you that this was a really articulate, insightful snapshot of where you are in therapy? You're obviously working really hard, and you're focus is where it needs to be, on understanding your behavior. I can understand you being confused by what's going on. I want to state my usual disclaimer. There were a lot of things in your post that...
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Re: Hurting
Hi AG Firstly, can I ask you to breathe? I know that sometimes you have written on this forum that you can forget to do this..... so please take the time now to take a few deep breaths in and out. Ok, are you still with me? Either that or you are reaching for the html slapper to use on me!! Everything you wrote makes complete sense (your fear of termination, your frustration with your DH OT, your work colleague leaving, your daughter / health issurance phone calls). Someone wrote in the book...
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Re: Hurting
{{{{{{{{{AG}}}}}}}}} I can really hear and feel your pain right now and I‘m so sorry you are going through it. Like you said, there‘s nothing any of us can say to make the pain go away or even lessen it right now. If I could translate your post into simple terms, it sounds like you are saying you just need to be held. If you were my daughter I would just hold you while you cry or rage or express yourself in any other way you need to. Like my daughter, I really really hate that I can’t take...
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Re: Hurting
Hi AG, I'm so sorry you're hurting so much right now. I think you've got some great support and advice so far, and I just wanted to throw my own two cents in here. I agree that nothing any of us says can take away the pain you're feeling, but hopefully the fact that we care and support you will help a little. I agree with I'm OK, so feel free to pull out the HTML slapper here. I think you're really pushing yourself too hard to finish therapy before you need to and I have no real idea WHY? I...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
(((Kashley))) I am sorry you feel sad. I have a problem with feelings, I think I push away most of the time. (Not sure, but I think I do that) then it crashes onto me after awhile, the stuff I pushed away for so long, and I will spend some long nights "trying" to cry, because I need to cry so badly. Finally after some hours of thinking aimlessly I will sometimes begin to cry, but it doesn't stop very soon or make me feel better. It's just crying and crying that leaves me tired and depressed...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Kashley, BB and monte!!! You have all given me "ah-ha" moments. What you all have written has made a lightbulb go off in my brain. I experience this exact thing almost every time I see my P and then afterwards. My thinking brain is in the P office, then when I leave and am processing stuff after the appt. my emotional brain kicks in. I am flooded with so many emotional thoughts and reactions, I can hardly tolerate it. Many times I end up calling my P feeling...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Hey there, Monte! I like your description of the surge at a concert. It is so true. And the backlog you speak of...yes, that makes sense. I am actually more worried to feel things more than ever, because if I started to feel something without much prompting, I think the next "surge" I feel is going to be very difficult. I never connected to my emotions in my therapy sessions except for one time in a particularly hard individual session. I was sitting there, and I started to feel tears...
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Re: Hurting
Thanks for asking Seablue! Sorry all, I didn't mean to pull a disappearing act. I'm actually feeling much better but the goodbye party for my co-worker was on Friday and my husband had his first day off in three weeks today so posting time and/or the energy to do so has been in short supply. When I wrote the original post in this thread I was really in a place of deep despair which I have not, thankfully stayed in. I think that I am in the midst of wrestling with letting go of so many of my...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Hi K, I was going to respond to your original post yesterday but have struggled to know what to say. I too have a hard time with feelings. I have come to realize since starting therapy that I have stuffed my emotions since I was very young. I learned as a child that my feelings were unimportant and my fears were even laughable, so I quit sharing them entirely and consequently stopped identifying with them. So I'm sure you can imagine that starting therapy was hard because it's set up so that...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Hi Kashley, I'm sorry to read about your argument with your mom - it sounds really upsetting. It's no wnder you shut down the feelings and the communication if she says stuff like this above. It's a really threatening, scary thing to hear from your mother, especially when it's wrapped up in blame as well. Is she implying that she might try to end her life? I'm sorry to ask bluntly, but it seems like that's the undertone. In any case, my heart ached to read this. My mum has expressed or...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
Hi K, Sorry you got into a fight with your mother. Not a fun thing. I'm hearing that although you don't want to deal with this and be angry at her and accept that this IS HER FAULT, you really do, because it wouldn't be bothering you and you wouldn't be posting here if you didn't want someone to convince you to hang onto this until you see your T next Friday!! This is tough. I'm at a point similar to yours where I know I have reasons to be angry at my mother, but I don't want to be angry at...
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Re: Unexplained, sudden sadness
SG - I think that's definitely what I need to work toward. Everything in the past has been so convoluted, that up until recently, the notion that I could speak about how I feel and not be persecuted for it (unless the other person was in agreement) seemed like it was completely ludicrous. It still looks like it's way beyond my reach, and that I should never expect that kind of treatment, but I'm very, very slowly starting to see that maybe I can achieve that for myself. Eventually. Jones - I...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
OK I've been avoiding this thread because my answer is JUST too embarrassing but Dragonfly's courage in telling her toilet/Superman impressions story (ROFL!) has inspired me. I have only ever seen my T outside of his office three times in the parking lot of his office. Syracuse is a fairly big place with a lot of sprawling suburbs and add to that that our homes are each 1/2 hour from his office in opposite directions and chances are slim to none that I'll ever run into him anywhere. In the...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
Hi Monte and Dragonfly, Monte- Hell no, it's not the end as long as i can help it. I am just calling it a break. What is that expression- If it is not all good, it's not the end? IDK- saw that on someones quote. I still love the guy in a therapist sort of way (well- I'm working on making that the truth) Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts. This is going to mighty hard. I am sad thinking about it, but life goes on. I don't know his policy about just taking what the Ins company pays him,...
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Re: Ever Run Into Your Therapist?
Hi All, I didn't add to this thread yet, but I did see my T in the car park just before my session. So now I know what his car looks like and when I drive I always spot cars looking like his. I dreamt about his car twice. And yes, seeing my T in the car park freaked my out a tiny bit too. I couldn't believe I'm seeing him. ((Helle)) It would be good if you could keep seeing him, especially that he offered to defer the payment. I suppose it would take time to repair the relationship and it's...
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Re: Massive missive :)
Wow, AG! How awesome for you to connect with someone so accepting of you and so safe. It appears these healthy experiences are seeping down in and reaching every broken crevice of your soul and are healing you from the inside out. While reading your missive I felt your joys and your sorrows and thought of how you could easily rename it "The agony and the ecstasy of therapy." Thank you for sharing! I have just a few thoughts I want to share with you. How great it is for you to just be and be...