(((Amber))) (((turtle))) I am terrified of phone calls. I've only successfully done it once when I literally could not get an answer back about a scheduling time for a session later that day. We do text, but lately he is answering those less, acknowledges them in session, but doesn't reply so much. Since I have already texted him several times since Fri night with no reply at all, it feels impossible to reach out anymore without feeling wrong, bad, like I'm violating some new rule or...

TN, I heard this poem on the radio and it reminded me of you and everything you're going through. The Thing Is by Ellen Bass to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you've held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it. When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you...

LBJ, I think one of the hardest things about therapy is that we want to wait until we are no longer scared before we do the stuff that scares us (or more accurately terrifies us ). We want to get our feelings in line, then act. But the problem is that our feelings follow actions, not the other way around. I have, of course written a post on this: Bass Ackwards . So its perfectly reasonable that not knowing bothers you, but the only way to change it is to try it and see what happens so you...

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all the well wishes and prayers! Yaku, I'm really glad that what I said gives you hope. I keep wanting to be able to say "hey things are completely awesome" instead of "this can still be hard." It's a real gift that everyone wants to hear how I'm really doing. Thank you. DF, What you said about the tenacity helping you survive very much resonated with me. It's almost like this if I just keep pushing I'll get what I want, gets me through to the point where...

Can I toss something into the mix? I think part of the problem is that we approach this backwards by trying to figure out how to feel safe so we can talk when in reality, we have to talk in spite of our fear to learn to feel safe. Feelings FOLLOW actions, not precede them. This is especially true when we are fighting deeply laid implicit relationship lessons about the danger of making ourselves heard, and vulnerable. The only thing that seems to change those kinds of implicit beliefs are...

Friends, Thank you for all your support. What a week its been! Emotional and draining. Dad was transferred to a new Hospital on Sunday. He was scheduled for Surgery on Tuesday morning. On Monday he had a cath lab test done in order to better see what needs to be done in his heart. They put in a temporary pacemaker that is attached to an artery with tubing coming out of his groin area. When he woke up from the test he was very disoriented, confused. He started screaming and trying to get out...

First, Cat, I have the same problem with my neckspine - backward curve. Fits right in with my bass-ackwards self, if you ask me Second, yes, I have noticed that I'm calmer and more serene after an adjustment. It's easier to function for the first few days after an adjustment, partly I think, because my body isn't working as hard to stay in healthy alignment. Which means I'm in less physical pain. Which means I'm less anxious.

I might have to quit band at church. I am the backup drummer when our main guy is out of town and have been doing lead female vocals for a few months now. I am learning bass to be the backup bass guitarist too. Our band practices are Thursday nights. Our current worship leader (unpaid, is searching for a job in sales full-time) is a good friend and a nice guy. But, every week, he picks the songs and emails them out along with the announcement about whether we're having practice Thursday...

For me, it's almost like a kid idealizing their parent, so I'd bet it's related to transference. It's like I'm a little girl who says, "My daddy can fix cars and motorcycles and cook the yummiest food and runs five miles a day and can play the drums and the guitar and is so smart...oh, and he could beat up your dad too!" (by the way, all things my real dad did in there, except beating up other dads, as far as I know). That's where I feel I am about my T. I had a dream where he came to my...

I don't think I've ever seen T play with his ring, but I will notice myself doing spinning my wedding band/engagement ring, taking them off, putting them on other fingers, putting them perpendicular to one another at random times, which are sometimes related to my relationship or marital relationships and sometimes completely unrelated. I don't do it very often and I have no idea why I do this sometimes as opposed to other similarly distracting things (pen clicking, foot tapping, etc.). My T...

Ang and R2G, It's so good to know others struggle to express anger. This is THE issue my T wants me to tap and to date, I have not been able to do it. I can finally admit that there might be anger in certain circumstances, but I kick it away so quickly. Ang, I think your T would see it as a major step if you can share with him these dark places. I guarantee that he won't hate you. I have read a T's blog where he actually sees this as something that helps "nurture" the work. Seems SO bass...

Tetris rocks! I love the tune... kind of... it drives me nuts after a while! I actually found a version of tetris online where instead of the pieces moving, the screen itself moves - it was a huge challenge, but a great distraction! I find it so strange knowing that it is easier for me to exhibit self-hatred over self-kindness. Bass-ackward if you ask me. Hope today is going a bit better Jane. Sending (((((jane)))).

(((BB))) I am sorry that you are still waiting on your old T to follow through on his promise. I think, if nothing else, you can view all those messages you feel like you got from him about not needing therapy, about misplacing your marital attachment into therapy, etc. through the lens of the obvious fact that he was not a trustworthy person. Well-meaning maybe and I'm sure he cared about you, but he wasn't someone you could count on. I relate to that in that my dad is in many ways very...

(((Closed doors))) I have an answer for you, but I do want to warn you that it sucks! You don't get over the fear and then speak. You speak to get over the fear. It's not going to get less scary until you do it and experience acceptance and compassion instead of judgement and scorn. If expressing our feelings in early childhood was something that was met with condemnation or neglect, or even punishment, we learn not to expose ourselves, not to make ourselves vulnerable. But the part of our...

Hi Becca, Welcome to the forums! I'm glad that you decided to post. I don't have a lot of time as I am on my way out the door but I did want to tell you that yes, I have felt that way and with the help of a really wonderful T, have been able to work through it. But it was terrifying and very difficult most of the way because I had to fight against how scary it was to move closer. But there is another side. There are two posts on my blog I think you might find helpful: Disorganized...

(((Jillann))) I always say "never underestimate the power of human denial." It's incredible what we are capable of not knowing, if knowing it feels too threatening. So this how I cope with denial: 1) Recognize that I am human and like all human beings, I also have my blind spots. If we could see them, we wouldn't call them "blind" spots. 2) Find trustworthy people to reflect back to me that which I am incapable of seeing. For me that list includes my T, my husband, and a few trusted friends.