My husband and I have been together for about 5 years. We have always had disagreements about things, mostly the over-involvement of his mother. She has done countless things over our relationship to undermine me and make my husband "choose" between us, and he has always chosen her. He says I am fighting an imaginary monster, that she doesn't intentionally do anything to hurt me or be manipulative, and often brings up the excuse that she's had brain surgery (it was 15 years ago, and she's as sharp as a whip).

I will provide an example for background info, and I apologize because I did try to make it brief:

A few years ago at Christmas, we had just spent 3 full days with her and her family. We spent the night every night, had big meals, politely excused her tantrums and abusive behavior, and just smiled and focused on the good before saying goodbye and driving across town to my parent's house. The very same day we left her house to spend equal time with my parents, she began calling and texting my husband, wanting to know if everyone, including my parents, wanted to go to a movie that night. My parents and I were annoyed because she always wanted to "share" my parent's time after hers was done, but my husband was getting increasingly antsy and irritated that we "weren't really doing anything" over at my parent's house, so what was the harm in us all going to a movie together? So we agreed to keep the peace. But we also agreed - including my husband - we are just going to the movie; no pie, coffee, or whatever else she will undoubtedly invite us to afterward. Just a movie. We got to the movie and she had already bought everyone's ticket. We tried to pay her back, as did my parents, but she absolutely refused. This is a common thing with her, insisting that she pay for your meal, ticket, etc., and refusing to ever let you pay her back. And it's not "you buy this time I'll get next", it's every time, and it's a fight that she rarely loses, and if she does, she sneaks money into your purse or pocket later. It seems nice, I know, but it's...pushy. She does it because she intends to "cash in" on her good deed later. Sure enough, after the movie let out we were walking through the parking lot going to our cars, and she invited us over for pie and stocking opening. My parents politely declined, as it was nearing midnight, said they were tired, and thanked her again for the movie. She turned to my husband and I, and began speaking in this tiny, sad, little voice. "Are you going to come over for pie and open your stockings?" We said thanks, but it's late and we're tired too, so we'll do stockings another time. We even offered to come over in the morning, which was still technically during the time we had agreed to spend with my parents, and open them then. But that wasn't what she wanted, so she persisted, "I worked so hard on those stockings. I put so many nice things in there. Can't you just come over for a piece of pie and open them?" Having seen her do things like this several times before, I was determined to put my foot down this time. I told her we appreciated the invitation, but it was late, we had just spent 3 days with her, and it was unfair to leave my parents during the time we had promised them. I also said if we had known there were still stockings left to open, we would have done it before we left her house that morning. She glared daggers at me. She spoke nothing to me, but physically stepped in between my husband and I, and turned her back to me, looked up at him, and again spoke in the tiny, sad, baby voice, "I just worked so hard on those stockings...can't you please just come over? Molly and Finn (our niece and nephew) will be so disappointed if you don't. I told them you were coming over." And that was it, my husband looked at me, angered at his position "in the middle", and said "Why can't we just go over there? Can we just go over there?" I was furious, but I tried to keep my cool. I said, "Sure". We walked to the car. We fought all the way on the drive over there. I couldn't believe he let her throw a tantrum and get her way with it, when she had just had three full days with us no less. During my parent's time no less! He couldn't believe I was so heartless that I would be upset at him or his poor mom and her midnight bonus stockings.

We got over there, and not one person could look me in the eye. I got a pretty good sense that I had been drug through the mud before my arrival. We opened the stockings. Mine had a wind-up plastic monkey toy, a sticky notepad, a snowflake spatula, and a $5 Starbucks gift card. My husband's contained a $100 Visa gift card, a vintage license plate frame for his vintage car, a framed photo of him and her from his first Christmas, and some trinkets. I will never forget this night, and how it was pretty much the last time we ever tried to stand up to her, because it was so scary for him and miserable for me.

I have been trying to get my husband to set boundaries with her ever since, we've even moved two states away, but he still views her actions as harmless. We are living apart now, she has rented him a house because I asked him to leave after his latest "choice" to defend her got way out of hand. It all started because she has already undermined my one simple plan for the upcoming Christmas holiday. It wasn't a big deal to my husband of course, but it really hurt me. We don't have a lot of money, but there was one thing I wanted to buy for all of our family, it's a documentary that my husband and I were in. It had nothing to do with her. She kept wanting to know when she could get a copy and I told her I would be getting her one as soon as they were available. Well, she went behind my back after I told her that and emailed the producers, flattered them with congratulations and guilted them with "I'm so proud of my son, I would love a copy, etc." so of course they sent her one. She then proceeded to show the movie to every person I planned to buy a copy for. I realize she didn't know I was planning to get them for Christmas, but my point is she just can't stay out of anything where her precious son is concerned. And I couldn't even believe she was capable of pulling this off, but like I said, she always gets what she wants.

We just went to our first counseling session tonight, and I feel like the counselor "sided" with my husband. I told her about my concerns that he always chooses his mother, who is meddlesome and unbalanced, and he defended her and even used profanity when speaking to me, saying I was obsessed with drama and putting devil horns on his mother when she just tries to be nice. The counselor said to me, after I told her about the latest fight with her getting the movie we were in, "So, you took it personally because this independent woman, who is an adult, didn't let you tell her when she would get the DVD, but rather took matters into her own hands?" I mean, how did I get turned out as the controlling one here? But then the counselor said she wants to see me individually, said she felt I had some unresolved emotional issues, and all but ignored what I shared about my concerns with my MIL and her hold over my husband.

I told the counselor that I feel my husband's relationship with his mother causes him to be distant from me, and obviously, it's gotten so bad now we're living apart.

I would just like some feedback on all of this. Based on this example, and trust me there are countless others like it, am I wrong to want this relationship between my husband and his mother to change? I feel she is taking my place as wife, and my husband can't see it. I really do feel the proper word here is "can't". He "can't" see it, he has been living this way for so long, living to make her happy. Am I being selfish? Crazy? Unreasonable?

And what are your thoughts on what the counselor said? Her interpretation of the DVD incident? That she would like to see me, while seemingly ignoring the issues with my husband and MIL? I definitely have some emotions backed up, but it's because my husband refuses to talk to me or address this, and my MIL rolls over me to do whatever she pleases. I just feel like no one hears me.