There is no thread that runs through my life

Liese:

What was it about her the first time you saw her which made you think on the way there to your second appointment she may very well be your new Therapist?

Maybe give her another chance?

T.

Sounds like she totally didn't absorb the fact that you are searching for a new T which generally does involve speaking to more than one person and that is not unhealthy. I wonder why she jumped to the conclusion that you are seeing several Ts at once? Consult does have a slightly different meaning for me; I wouldn't automatically make the connection that you are 'interviewing' new prospective Ts from the use of the word. I thought it was a cultural US vs UK thing though.

The observation about care strikes me as a tiny bit clumsy and something you possibly don't want to say to a client outside of a proper session.

If she did appear a pretty good fit initially then I suppose you could get back to her to clarify what you meant. I am sorry it was such a confusing interaction. How were you left feeling afterwards?

I'm sorry she misscheduled and wasn't apologetic or really concerned at all - that's a list scratch reason for me too!

When you're done looking for Ts what is the number of Ts you hope to end up with? Including ones you may talk to periodically?

A consultation is an event where you seek advice/information in making plans where looking for a new T is looking for a new person to be your therapist. So when you meet with a new T I'd suggest telling them you're looking for a new one. As a consultant myself, it's confusing… It's like if you talked to 50 people who make cabinets and you don't decide on one you just sorta keep everyone… those cabinets are either not going to get done, or look mighty interesting.

It can work the same way with our emotional cabinets so to speak if you do narrow the field down. If you'd like some personal experience I've got lots! It was not twice the love, caring, etc, etc it's twice the work. It stretches my interpersonal, boundary, honesty, and patient skills to their limit many times.

So, you may not know what your final # will be, but I think let your Ts you are meeting with that you want to add to the pack that you want to add them. If you're seeking consultation (advice on a situation) and might want them to be your new T, let them know that too. I'm surprised so many Ts have been willing to meet with you.

When I wanted consultations at a point lots of Ts were like… nope, go work it (to quit or not) out with your T. I was pissed off!! Then I thought of my ex who cheated on me… rather than LETTING ME KNOW and working out the problems WITH ME (either working them out by breaking up, or doing something else), she instead went to a love interest for advice and ultimately… a super good time. I know I desperately wished she'd had told me in advance and I would have had a chance to make a decision with her. It was then I knew if I ever want to leave my T… to process the lack of processing with my ex and the secrets growing up and all sorts of related things… that if I wanted to leave I had to come to that decision WITH her. Ultimately, she's safe… should let me do what I want… what a great learning experience for the future. I think that may have been what those Ts were saying… or they might be lazy jerkoffs like I felt for quite a while

SO… I hope you get Ts who are empathetic and responding well. I wouldn't discount the talk about having a thread that runs through your life - BUT BUT BUT Liese… I'm not saying whatever HER idea of that thread was was right. There is a thread that runs through survivors of domestic abuse' life for example… one of revictimization… where they somehow end up with partners who abuse them. Over and over and over again. I know a thread in my life has been acquiring a relationship, getting close to the person and then…. wandering away. OR worse, I will start caring for them… and so the common thing is… I take myself out of it. I leave, or I make it about them. Make sense? There are good threads in our lives too I don't know any of mine right now but… there has to be some, right????

(((TAS)))
She seemed smart yet warm. Though now that I look back, she may have also been a little distant. Not sure. I can't give her a second chance. There are so many therapists to choose from. Why go back to one who screws it up right at the beginning?

(((MALLARD)))

You are right about the word consult. Probably interviewing would have been a better word to use. I don't think I will go back to her. I certainly wouldn't pay $175.00 again. But I did drive a half an hour each way to see her and maybe you are right in the she owes me an explanation as to what she meant. It was a silly thing to say as she was pushing me out her door to make room for her next apt.

We had an apt. We set an apt. There was no question mark about it and it wasn't the week before because I distinctly remember her asking me if I wanted to come the week before or the week after her vacation which is this coming week. I told her that I wanted to come the week before - which was this past week and not the week before that.

So the only thing I can figure that makes sense of her comment is that she had me down for this past week but wasn't sure I was coming and maybe one of her regular clients called and was in crisis and so she gave the apt to her. That she has me down for the week before just doesn't make sense in light of her "this is when I am taking vacation and do U want to come in the week before or week after comment."

Does that make sense?

(((CAT)))


We cross posted. That was an interesting point you made about having two therapists not being twice the love but more likely twice the work. Something to seriously consider.

I am not sure exactly what I said but I do think I have said I am looking for a new therapist. At the end of that session with the one I talked about above, I happened to mention that I might like to see my current therapist once a month in addition to her and she made a face. She did not like the idea. Then she made a comment about how she didn't think that would work.

The hard thing for me is that I don't know how far I will get having some kind of "neat" termination with current T because he is too defensive right now. I feel like I need someone to help me pull away from him. To help me break the attachment. It feels too hard to leave him without having someone else in place.

actually I had him in place before I quit the female I was seeing.

Cat the t's are probably all starving here and that's why they are willing to see me. But I am telling them all that I am looking for a new therapist. So that could have something to do with it.

I just saw a different one this week and she was really nice and I really liked her but she's out of network. I went home and immediately called my insurance company and found out I don't have any network benefits and this woman is $200 a session. She will insist I go every week and I just can't afford that.

She made an interesting comment though. When I first tried to contact her, it was a Tuesday. She was in vacation and her message said she wouldn't be back until the following Monday. If I had gotten in touch with her, I would have made an apt that week with her but since she was away, I kept calling people on my list. So when she finally got back to me, I already had some apts set up and I was also driving to my daughters college for 2 days. In addition, I was also working my usual hours and taking care of my kids.

So she and I finally meet about a week and a half later and her comment to me was that she thought it took so long because I was ambivalent. She said it never occurred to her that I might just be busy. Lol! I think these therapists seem to look much more deeply into things. I reminded her that when I first called her, she was on vacation.

She did agree to see me every other week but sounded doubtful it would work. She also mentioned that she didn't want me to short myself - that I deserve to see a therapist every week. She has a point there.