Umm Monte, that’s really nice of you to apologize, but I have to say I can’t for the life of me see how what you said in your quote is anything to apologize for. Am I missing some connection here?

I read that comment as being very supportive of AG and also assumed you meant loss in terms of finishing with a T - that you thought you had understated it and then corrected it to mean just how painful leaving a T can be.

I suppose it just goes to show how even the most supportive and innocent of comments can sometimes affect people in ways we can’t anticipate. What a minefield!

Hugs to you ((( Monte )))

LL

Monte,
Thank you for posting this, as I must admit, that I did take it as directed towards me. At the time when I read that post, the only other replies posted in the thread was LL saying that you had taken down another post. You did sound upset in the reply that contained the 'loss' and I assumed that you had taken down the post because you had decided it that you're being upset was stated too strongly. That and the fact that you used the quotes in a sentence talking about me dealing with the 'loss' gave me the impression that you were talking about me and not yourself. I had wanted to reply to you because I had direct experience with what you were asking about but I must admit, that writing it brought some of pain back, especially since I am in the middle of trying to move away from my present T. And So when I read it and saw that you had edited the post, my first thought was why hadn't you removed the quotes, since you realized they were out of place so I took it as a way to express some of your hurt. And it hurt me to feel that my pain was being trivialized or dismissed, especially by someone I was trying to help.

Thank you for posting this Monte, as I do understand how easy it is for us to dismiss our own pain, while completely accepting others pain and I obviously misunderstood what you were saying. I feel a lot better knowing that I was mistaken about what you were saying.

And LL and DF, its obvious from your replies that it could be seen another way. Thanks for saying that.

I was also very concerned that my responses were hurting you instead of helping, so I am glad to hear that, even if they hurt, its not more than you can handle as my intent was most definitely to try and provide help and not make what is already an incredibly difficult thing harder to face.

AG

(((((AG))))) and for (((((Monte))))) too.

i guess i read this and i realize how vastly unaware i am to when feelings get hurt OUTSIDE of my own. i say this, embarrassed for the fact, that the event didn't even blip my radar, and i think i am sensitive, hmmmm.... glad to see others didn't pick up on it, also glad to see ag's response to picking up on it.

i guess my take on this is, we all need to exercise the grace that all so lovingly applied to you, monte, for your sweet humble humanity...accept that grace and extend that grace...and no doubt, in my more bold statements lately, i may ruffle some feathers, and i invite correction and grace as i try to navigate this world.

such sweet humility, monte. glad you posted this.

Monte, AG - just wanted to say that I really respect both of you a lot for your courage to face the misunderstanding and hurt and work it out instead of just saying or doing nothing. While certainly wish it didn;t hurt and there wasn;t the misunderstanding, I think it's pretty neat and even beautiful in a way that you two faced it. It's really healthy.

Misunderstandings and hurt feelings are gonna happen, on this forum and in real life. What's important is to do just what you two ahve done to communicate and work them out.

Thank you to both of you for showing the guts to do that.

I really hope that if/when I communciate something that unintentionally leads to someone feeling hurt, I really hope very much they will say so and then we can work it out, clarify, resolve it. I come from the belief that if you really care about someone, that's what you do. I can really see that you two really care a lot about each other.

One of the hard things about a forum is that a lot can be lost in translation (so to speak). We can't see each other's faces and sometimes it's hard to find the right words. We also have a lot of different perspectives, from all over the world, from so many different places in life, and most probably have really sensitive areas and are all working on our stuff.

I couldn't figure out for me what was the issue when monte first posted. I figured there was more going on and it involved others so I didn't post back. Then when AG posted - it made sense. The loss AG she is facing is super huge and very close to the heart - and I know monte knows that. And I'd be very sensitive to that and the subject in general and if I was in AG's shoes I might have responsed with hurt too.

In some ways, I kinda feel like the matter is really between you two - and yet glad you posted about it since it happened on the forums, and because monte seemed really concerned others might have been hurt or misunderstood too. That gave us all a chance to join in and reassure both of you. I'm also very glad you both posted about it because it is a great example to see that when we get hurt, when things don't feel good, when misunderstandings happen (and they will happen) talking about it helps a lot and is almost essential. Thanks to both of you for doing that. It's really cool.

Many hugs to both of you. Monte, AG, you just both simply rock and are amazing.

i agree with janedoe about us all discussing these things out in the open, and seeing with our own eyes that misunderstanding and errors DO happen and CAN be talked about, sometimes even without tears, although i am shaky on that one, and that healing CAN happen and relationships don't HAVE to either STUFF FEELINGS or DIE!! THERE IS A MIDDLE GROUND!! (now if i could only teach my little ones inside this, as they run and hide and scratch names off of their 'safe list' at the first sign of trouble!!)

a BIG reason i am in therapy, so thanks, you two, for sharing your stuff!!! ((monte and AG)))

Monte...just trying to restrain myself since I know you don't like hugs...ermph...ug...ack...
(((((Monte))))) ooops, sorry. Couldn't help it.

BB