quote:

Originally posted by ultraviolet:

Before it was when 'dad dies, I will live my life'.

Oh my goodness, how I can relate to this… My mom is ALWAYS telling me all these stories of things she is going to do once she leaves my dad. She talks to my sister and I about the things that we can do if my dad dies, like go to the shelter and adopt 2 cats. I learned when I was probably 15 or 16 that I need to give up hope that she is ever going to actually leave him. She has to have someone to blame for her life.

I just want to yell at her to take some responsibility and stop just sitting around dreaming about leaving him, but no matter what I say or do she’s never going to be able to change, and that’s probably the same with your mom. You can't just yell at her and say, “TAKE RESPONSIBILTY” and then she will all of a sudden say, “You’re right, I blame everything on everyone else when it’s really me who is creating the problem”. Problems like that run way too deep- and you seem to know that. If avoidance is the route you need to go now then I think that’s fine. Maybe at sometime you can have more contact, but still be able to be separate from her at the same time. Whatever you need to do to stay sane isn’t wrong.

-Mac