((((((Frosty)))))))
I'm sorry you're hurting. Of course you miss her. You were/are attached to her and that doesn't change overnight. Over time the feelings will lessen, although that doesn't help right now. I'm sorry. I think it's important to feel whatever you feel and trust that it's part of your grieving path and eventually it will make more sense to you.

I wonder if making the other person (your old T) "good/perfect(my word)" allows you to blame yourself?? Please ignore me if it doesn't fit.

I expereince this as well, so at least know you are not alone. For me, it allows me to hold on and not have to let go. Attaching is very difficult but letting go is much more painful.

Maybe sitting down and trying to figure out exactly what you want her to know could help you decide whether writing her would be a good idea.

In any case.....be gentle.
sea

((((Frosty)))))

I think even if you had formed an attachment to new P,you would still be missing T. That's normal and unfortunately part of the process.

When I termed with T1 when I moved away for college in 1994, I had similar types of conversations with her in my head just about every day. It was a huge adjustment and it took me a long time to get to a point where I wasn't thinking about her every day, but eventually I did get there.

One thing that helps is to start adding some new things to your life...new friends, new hobbies, new interests etc.

((((FROSTY)))))

Just wanted to send hugs.

xoxox

Liese

quote:

Really?? Do you think about those people a lot? Like really a lot?

Um..Yes. Really really a lot.

My last session with my T is on Friday and I can't think about anything else. I am betting in 6 weeks, I'll still be in this boat right along with you.

((((Frosty))))
sea

Frosty,
I want to clarify that I meant in 6 weeks I will be where you are now. I didn't mean to say you would be there too. Sorry.

Thank ((((you)))) Draggers.

sea

((((Frosty))))

Hi Frosty... I certainly understand missing an oldT. That feeling will stay for awhile until you can "transfer" your feelings to your new T. At least you moved to someone new without a lot of trauma attached but still.... your oldT played an important role in your life for a time and now you have to adjust to a new person. It took me many months to do this. To be honest, as much as I liked my new T, I could not even look at him or "see" him for months. I could not remember his face. It was like my mind was blocking the admittance of someone new as my T.

It's good to come on here and talk about this. With time the intensity will fade and you hopefully will attach and feel good with your new T.

Thinking of you
TN

(((((Frosty))))) I am sorry that it hurts so much. I have the same type of reactions, if someone is a little nice to me, I kinda "latch on" and don't let go. I think it is interesting you call it "groupie behavior." I am wondering what that means, because I think I am like you- it hurts a lot to attach to people who are not available, so you learn almost not to do that with anyone, and it can get really hard to form solid relationships with others after awhile. I think (as always) it is something to discuss with your new P and see if she can offer any insight or help you to a place of slef-acceptance on this. I think it is very natural to miss your old T whom you had a relationship with...of course you do. And I think it is natural and not pathology to feel grateful and loyal to people who have been kind to you in the past. Yet, it hurts, when we realize that the feelings for us are not as strong as those we hold inside for them. that really hurts. Still I encourage you to open this up, painful though it is, for discussion in your therapy. You may discover something that will help you on a very deep level! I am not sure what the answer is...some say working through the attachment injury with a therapist who will accept all your feelings for them. It makes sense, but the T needs to be on board for that to happen. And of course that requires the attachment to be allowed to build in the first place, if that is the model your T works with- or is willing to work with- just go slow and see what happens, don't try to force anything...it is what it is.


((((((Frosty))))))) I hope you find some relief and comfort.

hugs,

BB

quote:

When people who are like a blank canvas (like teachers) had something meaningful to say about me when I left school, I was like forever grateful and I got really angry when people started talking badly about that person and defended them. It was as if I was a loyal friend without the friend part.

Yep. I know what you mean. I've gotten myself into quite the pickle in this situation.

It's been 16 years since my first T left (literally, moved out of the country) and I still have fleeting moments of longing for her. I was a lost teen who had been seeing her for a year and a half, and while I didn't feel attached then, once she was gone, I was heartbroken. I often searched to see if she was back in town and practicing again, but after 5 years of no luck, I had to find a new T.

While I don't miss her or long for her regularly, I do, every once in a blue moon, have that moment of wishing to just talk to her for a few minutes, because as a teen, I never really got closure on our work time, since I didn't exactly know what it was.

(((((frosty)))))