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DF - I'm sorry. 
I get those comments a lot. I want to yell, "With everything I've been through? So f---ing what?!" I just got together with friends from high school the other day, one a professor at a college, one about to sell her business and go back to school to become a set designer...and got to hear about everyone else from our old group's successes. By now, I was expected (by my teachers and friends from that time) to be a published author or something. And, I am home with my kid, struggling to be a good mom, probably losing our condo, because I can't manage to bring in enough money or get a real job that pays more than Boo's childcare and therapy. But, well, "with everything I've been through," I guess it's a major miracle I manage to keep my kid fed, bathed, clothed and overall healthy and content.
Sorry, that suddenly went off on my own stuff. I guess I did that, because I really have nothing other than commiseration here. I have no answers. Getting well seems like a pipe dream to me right now and I long for the days when I just dissociated with extreme prejudice any crap that felt the slightest bit burdensome or overwhelming. At least then I could function.
(((hugs))) to you and sorry if this post is just more of a downer. I know that sometimes "not being alone" in the muck is "just not enough."
I get those comments a lot. I want to yell, "With everything I've been through? So f---ing what?!" I just got together with friends from high school the other day, one a professor at a college, one about to sell her business and go back to school to become a set designer...and got to hear about everyone else from our old group's successes. By now, I was expected (by my teachers and friends from that time) to be a published author or something. And, I am home with my kid, struggling to be a good mom, probably losing our condo, because I can't manage to bring in enough money or get a real job that pays more than Boo's childcare and therapy. But, well, "with everything I've been through," I guess it's a major miracle I manage to keep my kid fed, bathed, clothed and overall healthy and content.Sorry, that suddenly went off on my own stuff. I guess I did that, because I really have nothing other than commiseration here. I have no answers. Getting well seems like a pipe dream to me right now and I long for the days when I just dissociated with extreme prejudice any crap that felt the slightest bit burdensome or overwhelming. At least then I could function.
(((hugs))) to you and sorry if this post is just more of a downer. I know that sometimes "not being alone" in the muck is "just not enough."
((((DF))))
I know it sucks! My T just told me that if you got a group of people together in a circle and everyone threw their baggage into the middle in a bag and you could pick any bag you wanted, which one would you pick? Sure, some people have less baggage but some people have more also. He'd pick his own because he knows what his baggage is. I still haven't decided but I'd probably pick my own.
Unfortunately, our experiences shape who we are. But, that can also be a good thing because we will all have a sensitivity that other's who have had easier lives don't have. And we need people like us in the world to help the others who haven't started on their journey yet.
But I so get the frustration and just wanting to be normal.
xoxo
Liese
I know it sucks! My T just told me that if you got a group of people together in a circle and everyone threw their baggage into the middle in a bag and you could pick any bag you wanted, which one would you pick? Sure, some people have less baggage but some people have more also. He'd pick his own because he knows what his baggage is. I still haven't decided but I'd probably pick my own.
Unfortunately, our experiences shape who we are. But, that can also be a good thing because we will all have a sensitivity that other's who have had easier lives don't have. And we need people like us in the world to help the others who haven't started on their journey yet.
But I so get the frustration and just wanting to be normal.
xoxo
Liese
DF,
I saw you deleted but I want to say I read your post and can go along with those feeling you have. Don't feel bad about them, it's good that you are fighting them, that shows strength of character - even if you don't feel that right now. ((((DF))))
starfishy
I saw you deleted but I want to say I read your post and can go along with those feeling you have. Don't feel bad about them, it's good that you are fighting them, that shows strength of character - even if you don't feel that right now. ((((DF))))
starfishy
((((DF))))
So funny. I always think that so many people have it easier than me, lots easier. I'm sure it's not true but I have that in my head. Things come easier to them. All sorts of things. But it seems like all the important things I'm bad at. Relationships, organizational skills, etc. So if struggle is the mark of success, why do you want your past obliterated? Sorry you are having a difficult time with this.
xoxo
Liese
So funny. I always think that so many people have it easier than me, lots easier. I'm sure it's not true but I have that in my head. Things come easier to them. All sorts of things. But it seems like all the important things I'm bad at. Relationships, organizational skills, etc. So if struggle is the mark of success, why do you want your past obliterated? Sorry you are having a difficult time with this.
xoxo
Liese