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incognito... I cannot even imagine how painful this feels. I think you are feeling that he has abandoned you in your pain and struggle and that I can identify with. When did you ask your T to call you and how? via email or did you leave him a vm to call you? I didn't understand that part. Were you clear about needing the call and how urgent it was? Sometimes if I don't get a response it's because I was not clear about asking for one. I am sure you were shocked when your T answered the phone after you had been waiting and waiting for a call back. You were already activated from all the endless waiting. That would happen to me with oldT. Then I would explode with emotional upset.
I don't think it's acceptable for a T to say they were just really busy ... that makes you feel unimportant, I know. He could have said that he was working his way towards returning the call and he was going to call soon or as soon as he got a chance.
I understand your real here and now anger at him for his lack of response but it could be that there is also some old stuff mixed into your reactions towards him lately. It seems that you have not been happy with him at all lately and he makes you angry a lot. I know I've been angry at my T lately over the touch issue but in between I have had some connecting sessions where things were good and overall (aside from his aversion to touch) I am comfortable and satisfied with our relationship. What I have to decide at this point is if I can work with a T who feels touch has no therapeutic benefit to our sessions. I think you will have to decide if it's worth working through this latest disruption with your T. Maybe you do need a change to move forward.
Whatever you decide I'll be here supporting you and listening.
Hugs
TN
I don't think it's acceptable for a T to say they were just really busy ... that makes you feel unimportant, I know. He could have said that he was working his way towards returning the call and he was going to call soon or as soon as he got a chance.
I understand your real here and now anger at him for his lack of response but it could be that there is also some old stuff mixed into your reactions towards him lately. It seems that you have not been happy with him at all lately and he makes you angry a lot. I know I've been angry at my T lately over the touch issue but in between I have had some connecting sessions where things were good and overall (aside from his aversion to touch) I am comfortable and satisfied with our relationship. What I have to decide at this point is if I can work with a T who feels touch has no therapeutic benefit to our sessions. I think you will have to decide if it's worth working through this latest disruption with your T. Maybe you do need a change to move forward.
Whatever you decide I'll be here supporting you and listening.
Hugs
TN
incognito - that must have felt absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry.
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(((incognito))) I'm so sorry. That must have felt awful. There have been times when I have been waiting for a text reply to something from T and H (who is also his client) gets a text about something unrelated. This happened last week. I had sent a text much earlier in the day, just needing to check on the connection or something and asked for a reply. Then, T had sent a text asking that T inform him of scheduling changes first (because I had asked about the next week's schedule for both of us in order to plan some errands around it) instead of telling me, and T replied to his text immediately, but mine not until a few hours later. I felt awful, but in the end, I was able to see that T was in the middle of doing scheduling stuff when H texted and since it had to do with scheduling, he replied right away. He had saved texting me for when he had the resources to focus on that and once he did, it was a very attuned response. I had to sit through the yuck, hating myself for feeling resentful that H got replied to first.
Anyway, I'm not saying it's at all the same situation, just that I can kind of understand how you are feeling. I feel like maybe your T's initial non-response is understandable if he was very busy, although I agree with TN about the wording of it. However, his response that he knew you were struggling and he would see you in a week seemed like such a brush off. I'm wondering if I am missing some of the feeling of it, because it is transmitted in writing and not voice, or if you are paraphrasing/summarizing. If my T said those exact words to me, I would have felt so abandoned. It's good that he had reassured you initially, but was there any additional reassurance during the call?
Is there any chance you will go to your session next week and just see if you can talk this through. There seems to be so much pain held in this inability to believe his positive feelings toward you. I know it is excruciating to experience right now, but it is also an opportunity to move through it and get to a slightly less painful spot. I still have these projections with my T all the time. For instance, he hasn't responded to my text today. But, I just try to keep thinking of the times and ways he was responsive, even a very sweet text last night reassuring me of his positive feelings when I was doubting them. So, I hope you can at least go in and talk with T next week and figure out if it's something you can work through. I don't want you to be alone.
You don't deserve to be alone and you never did. I'm sorry that you were hurt in that way which can make us so convinced that it is impossible for others care for us, as if there is some law of the universe that is violated if they do. So, either it is a lie (they don't care or they think they do, but they are fooling themselves) or else we are in trouble for making them break the rules and care about us. That's how I feel all the time and the only thing harder I can imagine is going back to actually being alone in those feelings. I really don't want that for you. ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry if what I've said isn't helping.
Anyway, I'm not saying it's at all the same situation, just that I can kind of understand how you are feeling. I feel like maybe your T's initial non-response is understandable if he was very busy, although I agree with TN about the wording of it. However, his response that he knew you were struggling and he would see you in a week seemed like such a brush off. I'm wondering if I am missing some of the feeling of it, because it is transmitted in writing and not voice, or if you are paraphrasing/summarizing. If my T said those exact words to me, I would have felt so abandoned. It's good that he had reassured you initially, but was there any additional reassurance during the call?
Is there any chance you will go to your session next week and just see if you can talk this through. There seems to be so much pain held in this inability to believe his positive feelings toward you. I know it is excruciating to experience right now, but it is also an opportunity to move through it and get to a slightly less painful spot. I still have these projections with my T all the time. For instance, he hasn't responded to my text today. But, I just try to keep thinking of the times and ways he was responsive, even a very sweet text last night reassuring me of his positive feelings when I was doubting them. So, I hope you can at least go in and talk with T next week and figure out if it's something you can work through. I don't want you to be alone.
You don't deserve to be alone and you never did. I'm sorry that you were hurt in that way which can make us so convinced that it is impossible for others care for us, as if there is some law of the universe that is violated if they do. So, either it is a lie (they don't care or they think they do, but they are fooling themselves) or else we are in trouble for making them break the rules and care about us. That's how I feel all the time and the only thing harder I can imagine is going back to actually being alone in those feelings. I really don't want that for you. ((((hugs)))) I'm sorry if what I've said isn't helping.