(((deeplyrooted)))

I, for one, am glad you risked to be here again. But, I am also finding myself in a place where some FOO dynamics are being triggered, so I can totally understand the need to regularly re-evaluate whether managing the triggers is doable and/or helpful at any given moment. When I don't feel safe for a time, I take a break, but keep myself available by PM, which feels much safer when something is getting triggered by group/public participation. I hope to see you still around. I also fully support you doing whatever is best to take care of you, whether that is getting support here or not. You are deserving of care, care from others and care from yourself. I'm sorry that your experiences as a child taught to believe the lie that you weren't valuable or worthy of being loved. I really know how it feels to second guess yourself all the time.

Hi DR - I don't think we've met but I wanted to say that I can relate to what you are saying - I think it is extremely difficult NOT to equate the responses or interactions online with the significance of our issues (or ourselves, even!).However, I try to remind myself what I am looking for when I am posting - is it support? Understanding? Or just a space in which to explore my thoughts and feelings? And then to check and see if I have made that clear.... I know that I hate asking directly for anything so everyone has to be a mindreader to make me feel my needs are being met! (I'm thinking about my recent post... who knows what I'm after there!)

As Poppet says, sometimes people might not know how to respond and be worried about making things worse or saying the wrong thing, perhaps the issue might be too difficult for them to face - I've been trying to think about why I don't respond at times - often it is the idea that my response would be insignificant (why would anyone value what I have to say?!) but if we all thought that, then it would be VERY quiet here!!

I suppose I just wanted you to know that I'm reading and to remind you that you and your feelings are very important and also want to remind myself that significance is not tied to responses or acknowledgements! All relationships and interactions are risky if we make ourselves vulnerable by putting some of ourselves out there. I think it is a highly courageous thing to do.

Take care of yourself as you are VERY important.

Iris xx

((((DR))))

You are not insignificant to me nor are your problems. You are a part of this place. You belong here.

But I understand how old stuff can get triggered here. Just keep working through it.

off topic

(((DR)))
you are so right that forums are risky! they are perhaps even riskier than real life, because here you can only read the written word and you can dicipher what you will but perhaps are totally off-mark because you don't have the other person/people sitting with you face-to-face and you lose so much by not seeing what's going on. i do believe the people here are folks and that you're good hands here. i really believe that.

i wanted to let you know that it sounds like your experience is similar to mine. i am one of the youngest of 8 kids and have been labelled hyper-sensitive, defensive and shy my whole life. i am used to living under other peoples shadows, and after so long you DO start to feel invisible. and on the rare occassion when you do speak out, you feel as though you're shouting at the top of your lungs but nobody can hear you. or they just aren't taking you seriously.

i relate with you in when you say that your problems seem insignificant and you feel insignificant. i have gotten better over time only because people here are so understanding and responsive. it doesn't matter what your background is, people here are SO open and willing to support and not judge one another. you don't have to worry about that. really!

i hope you stick around and keep posting. (((DR))) i'm glad you're back

CD,

I hear you loud and clear! You are exactly right about forums being riskier than real life. Technology loses voice inflection, facial expression, tone of voice, and body language that is all so vital in communication, especially when communicating feelings. it's not uncommon to come to the forum raw and wounded so it's good to keep all that in mind.

A benefit of this forum is it does give us a chance to practice using our voice and being heard. I find some things easier to say from the safety of a keyboard than in real life and hope that as i build confidence, i can take the message in my head and begin to speak it with my mouth.

I am glad you have found the folks here understanding and supportive.

DR

I know my "paranoia" is tripped a little here today. I see and feel there has been a big disagrement on this discussion forum and began to worry that I had contributed to it. I PMed someone to ask about it and haven't heard back. I tell myself they just have not had a chance to answer and to relax. But then there is another part of me that is sort of detached too. So yeah this definitely brings up FOO stuff for me too.

Turtle, I can assure you that you had NOTHING to do with any friction on this Board.

Hugs
TN