I really hope you take gentle care of yourself

From what I read here (I'm an idiot and keep forgetting to request access to the other forums ) it really does sound like things are ok with your t despite the recent rupture. he's reassured you that he's sticking with you and intends on making sure he is attuned to you by re-reading your letter.

You haven't broke therapy, Hollow.

and if you delete - if you'd like me to delete my post as well or edit it just let me know...

Hollow, you didn't break therapy. You may be going through a rough patch but you didn't break it. I have the same fears as you, worrying that my T is going to kick me out. I left her a phone distress call last week and I am always worried she will tire of me and kick me out. Even before my butt hit the chair in her office this week, she says "I'm not kicking you out." I just started laughing. She knows me so well.

I guess what I am saying is, if you are showing up and trying your best, your T won't kick you out. You would have to do some pretty drastic stuff, I'm guessing, for him to kick you out. Take him at his word. He said he wasn't going to. Believe him. That in itself may get you moving forward. Good luck.

Hollow, I think you are okay and he is not kicking you out. I think he is being very attuned to you and your letter by wanting to read and re-read it to make sure he understands. I read the letter and I think a good therapist like yours would really think you did good work in writing it.