Hi Monte... you have gotten some good responses here. For me it is pretty much the same. I was more able to do this with oldT quite naturally. I would feel him with me and when I was stressed I would feel his presence inside of me and the warmth and CALM that he would exhibit while in session. I always have such anxiety and for some reason oldT would just make it evaporate, especially in the beginning with him. So, I would remember what he would say and how he would behave in such a reassuring manner and that would calm me when I was faced with obstacles.

It has not been as easy with my current T. I think it's because I was so damaged by the abandonment of oldT. For the first year I could not even remember what T looked like. It has gotten a bit easier over the years. When I'm being harassed at work I remember that T does not believe any of what they are saying about me and that he knows the true me and so it gives me confidence to move through my day.

I also have long conversations with him in my head. Especially when I'm stressed. Lately, I've been relating my work history to him in my head. We have started to explore this topic and then we had to drop it for other issues that came up but I keep the conversation alive in my head.

As for securely attached people... I can relate something my son shared with me which I found very interesting. He told me that when he's upset or feeling insecure he thinks to himself "well if my mom was here she would remind me that I'm smart and cute and funny and people really like me so I shouldn't worry". Another time he told me when he was taking a test "mom knows that I can do this and she wouldn't lie to me so I probably can do this".

No one taught him this... he just does it effortlessly. My son and I are very attached and have a strong bond (although he's is going through the teen rebellion stage now... which T reminds me is a good sign that I did a great job with him).

Hope that helps. So glad to know the relationship has been going so well lately. You have both worked very hard for this.

Hugs
TN

Best of thoughts for you Monte. Thank you for sharing. I will be exploring this with my T as well. I really thought I was the only one doing this.

After years of feeling excruciating anxiety getting thru a week, even, I noticed I began to feel T's presence inside me where the waiting for the session was not so bad. Also, when T went on vacation, I was able to get comfort from a group therapy, which never would have worked in the past. I don't know exactly when or how the internalization occurred, just discovered it was so.

Monts, I am glad you posted long enough for me to read it - I really appreciated what you wrote and it helped me.

Sorry you had to delete and I really understand.

SD