Well, I want to be friend's with my son's former T (who I talked to in detail a few times about some marital problems I am having, so she was sort of my therapist for a few sessions). I still have some hope that it could work but her company has a policy that she can't have any sort of relationship with her clients or their immediate family for 2 years after therapy terminates. As much as I absolutely hate that rule, I understand why it is there.

I think a friendship would be very difficult with someone who's been your therapist for a while, especially if you are still seeing the T? Even if therapy is over, it would still be really difficult. During therapy, it is all about you and your T's needs don't come into play at all, but with a friendship, it's a totally different dynamic. I think that would be an extremely hard adjustment for the therapist and the client.

OW

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Hey Not Me,

I certainly understand that you are angry. The push-pull thing is very confusing and hard to understand and make sense of. It is an environment ripe for disappointment, shame and confusion, as anything in secret always is.

I have never befriended a T, but I have had a transference experience with an authority figure turn into a lot more than it should have- even sexual. The duality of it makes everything feel... bad, so i think I would say trust your gut here. Those boundaries are supposed to be there for a reason, no matter if we like it or not. What your T did by becoming your friend is exploitation. Even if you were/are more than willing to participate in the relationship (as i was in my previous relationship), it still doesn't take away the fact that your T was supposed to keep herself out of the relationship. She was not supposed to be your friend, no matter if she wanted to be or not. Getting a need of hers met through information you gave her... is irresponsible. No matter how good of friends you could/should/would be, the fact is that you would have learned/benefitted MUCH more if she would have kept her boundaries.

Sorry your struggling with this. Keep writing if it helps.

-CT

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Summer-

quote:

making me aware that when my P kept the boundaries loose with me, he was meeting needs of his own. At first, I thought it was so nice, so sweet in how he shared things about himself, allowing me to grow closer to him.

It's nice to feel special when someone as important as your T bends the rules for you... at first. Where it got dangerous for me was when i realized that this "breaking the rules for me" wasn't all about me. I was again being used to someone elses purposes and it hurt SO much more to see my same relational pattern be reinacted... AGAIN! I hate boundaries and beg my current T to break them all the time, but she won't and I think her for it all the time. I have actually written her notes that say thank you for not giving me what I think I want. It's so important for me to voice my needs without them being acted on. That way i have the freedom to grieve what I won't ever get instead of being led on again and again. I'm glad your new T is helping, and you never know, while she is much different from your old P, she might be just what you need.

Not Me- I just want to make sure that you know about the "Private Messaging" feature in your Personal Zone. You can use it to contact me (or anyone) in private- no one else will see it. I know you are concerned about confidentiality, and I understand that, but don't silence yourself in fear. It will only make things worse.

-CT

“This is what is hardest: to close the open hand because one loves.”
~Friedrich Nietzsche~